Anonymous wrote:
The flip side of effusiveness can be a "too cool for compliments" attitude.

We had dinner years ago with a new couple (couple 1) we'd recently met. They started being sarcastic about another couple they'd recently met, whom we also knew (couple 2).

Couple 1 didn't realize that couple 2 were friends we'd known for years. The focus of the sarcasm was how mutually complimentary and "sickly sweet" couple 2 was together. We iced that line of conversation immediately by giving them a polite but chilly, "Yes, they're very affectionate, which is wonderful after X years of marriage. We've known them since their kids were little and they've always been a very warm couple." They changed the subject pronto, realizing they'd stepped in it. The rest of the dinner was not exactly awkward but didn't exactly spark a new friendship either. At all.

Guess which couple is still going strong after 40 years of marriage? Couple 2, the ones that hip, cool Couple 1 found "sickly sweet." Guess which couple split?

Was it you and your spouse?

The flip side of effusiveness can be a "too cool for compliments" attitude.

We had dinner years ago with a new couple (couple 1) we'd recently met. They started being sarcastic about another couple they'd recently met, whom we also knew (couple 2).

Couple 1 didn't realize that couple 2 were friends we'd known for years. The focus of the sarcasm was how mutually complimentary and "sickly sweet" couple 2 was together. We iced that line of conversation immediately by giving them a polite but chilly, "Yes, they're very affectionate, which is wonderful after X years of marriage. We've known them since their kids were little and they've always been a very warm couple." They changed the subject pronto, realizing they'd stepped in it. The rest of the dinner was not exactly awkward but didn't exactly spark a new friendship either. At all.

Guess which couple is still going strong after 40 years of marriage? Couple 2, the ones that hip, cool Couple 1 found "sickly sweet." Guess which couple split?

I knew when I read the OP post that all of the suspicious posters would come along rapidly to insist that compliments like those are fake, manipulative, he's "compensating for something," he's gay, blah blah. How pitiful and sad. This is about personalities. I have a relative who is effusive about his wife of 25 years--he really does think she's beautiful to look at, he's said openly he still is baffled and grateful that she dated and married him (he's gorgeous, folks), thinks she's funny (she is, and he values that), etc. It's sincere. She's great. And he's very appreciative not only of her but of other people in his life so he's just an open and appreciative person generally. He also credits her for how she has cared for him and their children when he has had very serious health crises. BTW, he was his effusive, openly adoring self before the health issues, so the compliments are not just about his feelings for her around that situation.

I'm sorry that some PPs have never had a chance to know open, communicative, genuinely appreciative people who express their feelings without agendas and without caring whether others think they're being fake.

Life is way too short to hold back if you think a person is special. Go ahead and freaking tell them and yeah, talk about them to others if you want. You can't know whether tomorrow there could be an illness or injury or life change that means you can't express those feelings any more to that person, or to anyone. Express yourself, even if others think being "effusive" is somehow wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Mine was like this, and he really meant it too. But, then he cheated on me, and I divorced him.

Same. He never spoke an ill word about me to anyone and would go on about how hot, smart and wonderful I was, bragging about my job too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t trust men like that.

This. Just like the people with the perfect social media lives, it’s all overcompensation and denial of reality.

So if I guy thinks his wife is beautiful, he should not say something or just keep it to himself?

I could fantasize about any woman in the world, the only one I fantasize about is my wife. She is gorgeous.

This part right here is genuine, from you and absolutely means something. To me it is when you add the broad judgements that speak for other’s beauty standards, EX. She is gorgeous. My wife is beautiful. That is when I start mistrusting the statement because you are attempting to speak for everyone and that just can’t be true.
The statement “beautiful to me” rings true while “just gorgeous.” Makes me feel manipulated and can’t be true for everyone, no one is gorgeous to everyone. The statements that speak from a more judge mental, broad point of view (not just you) make me feel icky because it can’t possibly be true.

You have issues, boo, and clearly no one has ever told you you're gorgeous and you feel a way abt it.

I've known just a handful of couples like this. One is still married, but their whole relationship just rubs me the wrong way. The wife is controlling, they are both overly effusive and complimentary to each other, and present the perfect image of a marriage, and family. The other ended up divorced, except it was the wife who was so effusive and put the husband on a pedestal. Honestly I think she was way too good of a person for the guy, who was a bit of a philanderer, irresponsible, and did not want to settle down with her. There is another couple I know who is also like this in public - but I think it is mostly their personalities, they are extroverts, but they have also had major fights and conflicts (like domestic violence level conflicts).

These responses are sad

I've never witnessed any spouse act like this, OP. And I'm in my 40s.

I would say he's compensating for something.

I say those things to my wife, because I do believe she's sexy and beautiful. I don't go around telling everyone, I would assume the next guy thinks the same about his wife

Mine was like this, and he really meant it too. But, then he cheated on me, and I divorced him.

I think with some men it's genuine but with some of them it's a way to be competitive. It's a way to build themselves up. There is only a short jump between "my wife is gorgeous" and "how great must I be to have such a gorgeous wife?" And with some men, you can tell this is what they actually mean. They aren't exactly complimenting their wives so much as bragging about one of their posessions.

But not all. Some guys really do just seem to love their wives and like to say nice things about her. It sounds nice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t trust men like that.

This. Just like the people with the perfect social media lives, it’s all overcompensation and denial of reality.

So if I guy thinks his wife is beautiful, he should not say something or just keep it to himself?

I could fantasize about any woman in the world, the only one I fantasize about is my wife. She is gorgeous.

This part right here is genuine, from you and absolutely means something. To me it is when you add the broad judgements that speak for other’s beauty standards, EX. She is gorgeous. My wife is beautiful. That is when I start mistrusting the statement because you are attempting to speak for everyone and that just can’t be true.
The statement “beautiful to me” rings true while “just gorgeous.” Makes me feel manipulated and can’t be true for everyone, no one is gorgeous to everyone. The statements that speak from a more judge mental, broad point of view (not just you) make me feel icky because it can’t possibly be true.

PP, that is seriously warped thinking. Of course there is an implied “to me” with any opinion. If I say, oh what a cute baby, are you feeling manipulated and icky, or do you understand, like any neurotypical person would, that I am expressing my opinion? How about if I say “this food is good”? Do you find that upsetting as well?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t trust men like that.

This. Just like the people with the perfect social media lives, it’s all overcompensation and denial of reality.

So if I guy thinks his wife is beautiful, he should not say something or just keep it to himself?

I could fantasize about any woman in the world, the only one I fantasize about is my wife. She is gorgeous.

This part right here is genuine, from you and absolutely means something. To me it is when you add the broad judgements that speak for other’s beauty standards, EX. She is gorgeous. My wife is beautiful. That is when I start mistrusting the statement because you are attempting to speak for everyone and that just can’t be true.
The statement “beautiful to me” rings true while “just gorgeous.” Makes me feel manipulated and can’t be true for everyone, no one is gorgeous to everyone. The statements that speak from a more judge mental, broad point of view (not just you) make me feel icky because it can’t possibly be true.

My husband can be like this. For example, he might introduce me by saying, “This is my beautiful wife,” or on a recent zoom call with many people (but he and I were signing on from different places) he said, “wow, you look great” I don’t really think it means that much, honestly. It’s just his personality. He’s just generally an extroverted, effusive person. He’s the type of person that will get into conversations with everyone and is very charming. I don’t think he’s overcompensating for anything, but I also don’t think it means he loves me or thinks more of me than any other couple. Where a quieter person (like me) might think their spouse’s hair looks nice, he’s the type that will vocalize it enthusiastically.

No it's not normal - apparently that's what Harvey Weinstein was like with his wife while raping lots of young actresses on the quiet.