Kids 5 and 8.

School days generally range from 1 to 5 hours depending on my work demands and their extracurriculars, but average is 2-3 (Nanny handles school pickup and taking them to most late afternoon extracurriculars, as I'm usually tied up with work until ~6).

Weekends I'm with them all day usually (~12 hours), but sometimes get a break because of a party or playdate, or my partner and I will take shifts if we each need some personal time, etc. And then there's probably 1-2 hours a day they play unsupervised with each other, and 1-2 hours a day of screen time (high-end for the 8yo, low-end for the 5yo). So maybe 6-8 hours on average per day of being engaged with the kids on the weekends, but that includes things like attending/watching their sports games.

30 minutes nagging 10yo to get up and dressed, brush teeth
30-90 minutes in the car to school, breakfast in car (based on traffic, bridge being open, etc)
30 minutes of homework/supplements in the car
30-90 minutes for drive home
30-90 minutes supplements (varies by week and child’s cooperation)
15-30 minute drive to fun exercise
15-30 minute drive back to the house
All remaining time until bedtime except shower

Fridays switch the drive to fun exercise for 60-90 minute drive to grandparents
Saturdays are with grandparents

Sunday pick up at noon, 60-90 minute drive home
Supplements at home
Same drive to/from fun exercise
All the remaining time til bed minus shower

Days off school are with me, vacation weeks are with me or grandparents

I get plenty of time, but he also has special needs, so I build in socializing with friends/peers with supervision/interaction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 20 month old and a 3.5 yr old. I have both kids every morning from 6 to 8:30 and another half hour talking to my older child on the way to school. We have a great nanny and I work from home (and am still nursing her) so I see her when she’s back from park with nanny, lunch, nursing. Nanny takes little one to pick up older one at school and then takes both to the park. Home at 4:30 and nanny leaves. DH is home and we have the kids from 4:30 to 7:30 for dinner, bath, books, cuddles.

So six hour minimum during the week and all day (12 hours a day) Saturday and Sunday. We, as I said, have a nanny who takes care of all the kids chores and a weekly house cleaner. Because of that, my time with my kids really is fully engaged with my kids.

I think the “engaged” part is key. I’m a SAHM without anything outsourced and I doubt I get six hours of engagement a day with my toddler. Obviously I am with her 12 waking hours a day.

I have a lot of working mom guilt (and genuinely enjoy my kids) so for a long time really focused on them 100 percent when I was with them. Lots of on the ground playing and trips to playground etc. Very fun! But recently I’m realizing my kids feel very entitled to my attention and I am working on helping them understand the world doesn’t revolve around them even at home. I sort of regret not setting the expectation that sometimes mom is doing laundry and you have to play by yourself even if there isn’t a sibling or other adult to entertain you. Not too late to correct but I just thought I’d throw that out there! I imagine it’s different for SAH parents because….it’s a lot of time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 20 month old and a 3.5 yr old. I have both kids every morning from 6 to 8:30 and another half hour talking to my older child on the way to school. We have a great nanny and I work from home (and am still nursing her) so I see her when she’s back from park with nanny, lunch, nursing. Nanny takes little one to pick up older one at school and then takes both to the park. Home at 4:30 and nanny leaves. DH is home and we have the kids from 4:30 to 7:30 for dinner, bath, books, cuddles.

So six hour minimum during the week and all day (12 hours a day) Saturday and Sunday. We, as I said, have a nanny who takes care of all the kids chores and a weekly house cleaner. Because of that, my time with my kids really is fully engaged with my kids.

I think the “engaged” part is key. I’m a SAHM without anything outsourced and I doubt I get six hours of engagement a day with my toddler. Obviously I am with her 12 waking hours a day.

How are those 12 hours spent? I am a SAHM with a toddler too and I definitely get 8 + hours of engagement at least. The only thing we outsource is deep cleaning once every 2 weeks. There’s still plenty of day to day cleaning up after toddler but it doesn’t take 6 hours.

I’ve been thinking about this and between cleaning, cooking, errands, and laundry, I’m sure I am not actively engaged with my toddler for six hours a day!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 20 month old and a 3.5 yr old. I have both kids every morning from 6 to 8:30 and another half hour talking to my older child on the way to school. We have a great nanny and I work from home (and am still nursing her) so I see her when she’s back from park with nanny, lunch, nursing. Nanny takes little one to pick up older one at school and then takes both to the park. Home at 4:30 and nanny leaves. DH is home and we have the kids from 4:30 to 7:30 for dinner, bath, books, cuddles.

So six hour minimum during the week and all day (12 hours a day) Saturday and Sunday. We, as I said, have a nanny who takes care of all the kids chores and a weekly house cleaner. Because of that, my time with my kids really is fully engaged with my kids.

I think the “engaged” part is key. I’m a SAHM without anything outsourced and I doubt I get six hours of engagement a day with my toddler. Obviously I am with her 12 waking hours a day.

How are those 12 hours spent? I am a SAHM with a toddler too and I definitely get 8 + hours of engagement at least. The only thing we outsource is deep cleaning once every 2 weeks. There’s still plenty of day to day cleaning up after toddler but it doesn’t take 6 hours.

I have a 9yo DD, almost 10. She definitely wants her friends more than me. She wanted me to play Mario Bros with her yesterday and I did for about 5 mins but hated it lol. I still read to her at bedtime so I like that we have that time to connect.

Weekdays DS is in K and 5-6 hours. 2 hours before school, then I pick up around 3-4 and we have time together from then until bedtime (including DH when he ends work at 5).

I feel like it’s a good balance but I’m considering a job that would put me out of the house 6 am - 7 pm twice a week and it’s hard to think of missing that afternoon time. OTOH, it would probably be good for him to have a couple afternoons with DH.

Weekends either all day or most of the day—sometimes DH and I switch off so we have some personal time.

Probably about two hours a day during the week. More during weekends.