To me there is a difference between bringing my own drink to a family party/get together vs bringing it to a party at a friend's house. My inlaws always have soda, beer and wine. I don't drink carbonation so I make or bring my own iced tea. If I'm at any other party I just drink water. I have been part of this family for 30 years. No one cares that I make my own drink and I don't care that they don't make it for me.
Don't create a problem that doesn't exist.

This is pretty much a consensus, isn't it?

Perhaps some reflection on why it requires a thermos of alcohol to get through one of your family’s get togethers?

Wow, OP. Petty gossip and bad hostess is not a good look for you.

If I were you I’d feel embarrassed that SIL had to bring her own drink and next time I’d specifically ask what she’d like you to have on hand.

You’re a bad hostess, OP. DH and I don’t drink coffee or wine but we certainly keep both on hand for guests.

Anonymous wrote:What’s weird is that you ignore her preferences when you host her.

+1 My BFF is allergic to wine and doesn't like the taste of beer. I always make sure we have her favorite mixed drink on hand.

The only red flag here is that your family appears to have poor hosting skills. You may want to brush up on the rules of etiquette.

https://www.amazon.com/Etiquette-Book-Complete-Modern-Manners/dp/1402776020

I think you are the weird one for thinking this is weird. So you are basically saying we all want to have a drink and be social at this party, however if you do not like or want to drink what we have to offer you shouldn't expect to enjoy the party everyone else is? Seriously? That is so incredibly petty and controlling I don't even know what to say... Allow your SIL the "privilege" of being able to consume the beverage she prefers at your party. Why do you care? SMDH

We do this all of the time if we know there will be crappy alcohol options.

I think it's strange to only bring enough for herself rather than bringing gin and mixers to share, but I think it's normal to want to have a drink at a party and if you know the hosts won't provide an option you enjoy, why not BYOB?

It could also be possible that SIL drinks less than everyone else? And her thermos is 95% tonic?
I will ocasionally have “mixed drinks” when others are drinking beer, bc i want to consume less alcohol for whatever reason. OP has your family ever made SIL feel less-than for not drinking as much as everyone else?

I buy drinks for guests even when that’s not what I normally drink. For example, no one in my house drinks soda, but my sister’s family does, and so I buy some when they come over for dinner. And we aren’t beer drinkers but generally have a six pack in the garage fridge for guests. You could try accommodating your SIL and keeping a bottle of her favorite around instead of insisting on just beer and wine…

Anonymous wrote:Is this weird? My family are wine drinkers. If we all hang out together, usually there is beer or wine. We had a Memorial Day barbecue weekend last night and she brought a thermos of her own premixed gin and tonic. She says wine and beer give her a headache. Wouldn't you just not drink in this case, instead of BYO to a family gathering where it isn't offered?? I wonder about saying something to my brother just to check in. Like why would you travel with your own booze thermos??!

Your post seems to mix some concern that she's, what, trending toward a drinking problem? with a dollop of judgement at her daring to bring her own drink to an event where she already knows there won't be any alcoholic beverages she can drink without feeling bad. Kind of like you're not quite sure which to think about more -- you find her rude/weird/whatever for not just doing without, or you are genuinely concerned she's going to be an alcoholic.

I think you're saying, "Is the fact she brought her own alcohol a sign that she can't do without alcohol at all?" Is that it? The answer is no, it's not necessarily a sign of problem drinking, unless this is part of some larger pattern or you have other reasons to be concerned. She knows the family never serves her preferred alcohol, and since your preferred drinks give her headaches, she brought her own. And she was open about it; she didn't pretend it was a thermos of something non-alcoholic, right? I'm a nondrinker and not super comfortable around drinking but even I would not find this a red flag unless there were other signs. If you think there are other signs of a larger drinking problem, talk to her husband about it. Done.

Beer is low-class, maybe she wanted to partake in alcohol at her level - what does it matter, you're all drinking anyway?

Anonymous wrote:OP to be clear she does not show other indications of being a problem drinker, but this seemed like a red flag to me.

The red flag is you disliking her so much that you are trying to cast her in a bad light to total strangers. Beer and wine gives her a headache…a good hostess would offer something she does enjoy.