Anonymous wrote:I have an anger mgmt problem I inherited from my abusive father. I try SO hard to not let it get the best of me w my own kids but sometimes I do fail: I yell, I lecture too much, I have on occasion called my kids brats (I have not called them anything worse than that and I have never cursed at them but even that I feel is bad enough. I feel awful about myself for ages afterward.) thank goodness I’ve never hit them or physically abused them in any way. I would never forgive myself if I did. Whenever I do mess up and say something mean or yell at them, I always apologize for it after and tell them that I love them.

Still, it’s a very hard cycle to break completely. I have to put myself in time out frequently when I get upset or I will say/do something I regret.

What kind of mean things do you say? Please stay on top of this. The cycle of verbally abusive & then apologizing can psychologically mess up a kid.

I have an anger mgmt problem I inherited from my abusive father. I try SO hard to not let it get the best of me w my own kids but sometimes I do fail: I yell, I lecture too much, I have on occasion called my kids brats (I have not called them anything worse than that and I have never cursed at them but even that I feel is bad enough. I feel awful about myself for ages afterward.) thank goodness I’ve never hit them or physically abused them in any way. I would never forgive myself if I did. Whenever I do mess up and say something mean or yell at them, I always apologize for it after and tell them that I love them.

Still, it’s a very hard cycle to break completely. I have to put myself in time out frequently when I get upset or I will say/do something I regret.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

You're abusive.

+1

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

Are you crazy? You are an abuser. I’m appalled you don’t see that and talk so casually about it. You are terrible. Pray for your children, they will hate you too.

I come from a different culture where disciplining your kids is normal. We're beyond the "spanking age", my kids are now teenagers, one going to college soon, and the only thing I do is lecture them or take away their electronics.

They are amazing kids too. Well educated and well mannered. They exceed in sports and at school on their own. Not worried here!

The idea is to discipline your kids without the "rage" mentioned by other posters...

We know you are not worried which is a concern. You don’t need to have “rage” to be abusive. You are stupid.

DP. I’ll never get over the hypocrisy in posts like this. You just called someone “stupid” for suggesting that corporal punishment (which has been used throughout human history and is accepted outside white MC cultures) without rage isn’t abusive. People who shut people down like that aren’t gentle kind parents.

Different DP, but having a forceful reaction to cruelty or other bad behavior doesn't mean you aren't a gentle or compassionate person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

Are you crazy? You are an abuser. I’m appalled you don’t see that and talk so casually about it. You are terrible. Pray for your children, they will hate you too.

I come from a different culture where disciplining your kids is normal. We're beyond the "spanking age", my kids are now teenagers, one going to college soon, and the only thing I do is lecture them or take away their electronics.

They are amazing kids too. Well educated and well mannered. They exceed in sports and at school on their own. Not worried here!

The idea is to discipline your kids without the "rage" mentioned by other posters...

We know you are not worried which is a concern. You don’t need to have “rage” to be abusive. You are stupid.

DP. I’ll never get over the hypocrisy in posts like this. You just called someone “stupid” for suggesting that corporal punishment (which has been used throughout human history and is accepted outside white MC cultures) without rage isn’t abusive. People who shut people down like that aren’t gentle kind parents.

Pot meet kettle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

Are you crazy? You are an abuser. I’m appalled you don’t see that and talk so casually about it. You are terrible. Pray for your children, they will hate you too.

I come from a different culture where disciplining your kids is normal. We're beyond the "spanking age", my kids are now teenagers, one going to college soon, and the only thing I do is lecture them or take away their electronics.

They are amazing kids too. Well educated and well mannered. They exceed in sports and at school on their own. Not worried here!

The idea is to discipline your kids without the "rage" mentioned by other posters...

We know you are not worried which is a concern. You don’t need to have “rage” to be abusive. You are stupid.

DP. I’ll never get over the hypocrisy in posts like this. You just called someone “stupid” for suggesting that corporal punishment (which has been used throughout human history and is accepted outside white MC cultures) without rage isn’t abusive. People who shut people down like that aren’t gentle kind parents.

Np. Abusing your children is stupid.
You show your hypocrisy with slamming someone for criticizing at the same time you criticize.
If what you say is true, then you are calling yourself an unkind parent or person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

Are you crazy? You are an abuser. I’m appalled you don’t see that and talk so casually about it. You are terrible. Pray for your children, they will hate you too.

I come from a different culture where disciplining your kids is normal. We're beyond the "spanking age", my kids are now teenagers, one going to college soon, and the only thing I do is lecture them or take away their electronics.

They are amazing kids too. Well educated and well mannered. They exceed in sports and at school on their own. Not worried here!

The idea is to discipline your kids without the "rage" mentioned by other posters...

We know you are not worried which is a concern. You don’t need to have “rage” to be abusive. You are stupid.

DP. I’ll never get over the hypocrisy in posts like this. You just called someone “stupid” for suggesting that corporal punishment (which has been used throughout human history and is accepted outside white MC cultures) without rage isn’t abusive. People who shut people down like that aren’t gentle kind parents.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like in my family it's gotten gentler with each generation. Grandparents' generation was truly beaten as children, like abusive levels. My parents' generation was paddled and spanked but with switches/belts. I was spanked, lightly and just with hands, only a couple of times and reserved for very severe incidents. As a parent, I do not do corporal punishment (except would not rule out swatting a hand away harshly if DD tried to touch an open flame burner, etc. just to startle her away for safety).

Similar. My mom was beaten with a belt or coat hanger by her dad. I have spanked DD maybe three times ever, open hand, and did not even feel like it hurt her that much (although I felt like sh1t, as I should). I try really hard to walk away when I'm super angry, or more often, reframe the whole thing as DD in need of something. It's gotten easier not that she and I are both older - I'm more chill and she's more reasonable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

You're abusive.

+1

+2 NP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

Are you crazy? You are an abuser. I’m appalled you don’t see that and talk so casually about it. You are terrible. Pray for your children, they will hate you too.

I come from a different culture where disciplining your kids is normal. We're beyond the "spanking age", my kids are now teenagers, one going to college soon, and the only thing I do is lecture them or take away their electronics.

They are amazing kids too. Well educated and well mannered. They exceed in sports and at school on their own. Not worried here!

The idea is to discipline your kids without the "rage" mentioned by other posters...

Apparently being an abusive parent is justified if they have well-mannered and well-educated children who excel in sports.

+1. PP, you are an abuser. No you are not as bad as your abusers growing up. But ask any therapist to tell you point blank whether spanking and putting children in cold showers is abusive, and they will tell you yes.

And I’m a well-educated person who excelled in sports, who is well-mannered. As I was when I was a kid. I didn’t excel because of abuse, I excelled in spite of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

Are you crazy? You are an abuser. I’m appalled you don’t see that and talk so casually about it. You are terrible. Pray for your children, they will hate you too.

I come from a different culture where disciplining your kids is normal. We're beyond the "spanking age", my kids are now teenagers, one going to college soon, and the only thing I do is lecture them or take away their electronics.

They are amazing kids too. Well educated and well mannered. They exceed in sports and at school on their own. Not worried here!

The idea is to discipline your kids without the "rage" mentioned by other posters...

Forcing someone into a cold shower is torture. Especially a child.

+1.

I have only experienced the urge to do this once or twice. In both cases, either I left the room or I put my child in a room and sat in front of the door.

I’m not proud of this, but once or twice I’ve said to them, “You deserve a spanking for that” or “If you do that again, I will slap you.” I know that is wrong and I apologized to them later. I have never hit them or anything like that, but I know even the threat of it is awful.

After my girls were born, there was one time I told my parents that my siblings and I never deserved to be slapped, beaten with a belt, or had our mouths washed out with soap. (It was kind of relevant to a discipline discussion—they were saying my kids were always well-behaved and complimented me for being calm with them at all times.) They didn’t apologize or acknowledge what I said, but *I* felt better for saying it. I felt better for standing up for the little girls my sister and I were, and the little boy my brother was.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

Are you crazy? You are an abuser. I’m appalled you don’t see that and talk so casually about it. You are terrible. Pray for your children, they will hate you too.

I come from a different culture where disciplining your kids is normal. We're beyond the "spanking age", my kids are now teenagers, one going to college soon, and the only thing I do is lecture them or take away their electronics.

They are amazing kids too. Well educated and well mannered. They exceed in sports and at school on their own. Not worried here!

The idea is to discipline your kids without the "rage" mentioned by other posters...

We know you are not worried which is a concern. You don’t need to have “rage” to be abusive. You are stupid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

Are you crazy? You are an abuser. I’m appalled you don’t see that and talk so casually about it. You are terrible. Pray for your children, they will hate you too.

I come from a different culture where disciplining your kids is normal. We're beyond the "spanking age", my kids are now teenagers, one going to college soon, and the only thing I do is lecture them or take away their electronics.

They are amazing kids too. Well educated and well mannered. They exceed in sports and at school on their own. Not worried here!

The idea is to discipline your kids without the "rage" mentioned by other posters...

Apparently being an abusive parent is justified if they have well-mannered and well-educated children who excel in sports.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spanked for silly things by my mom and my grandmother (she partly raised me). I grew up hating both of them.

With my kids I usually start with lectures, then time outs, then take away something, and if all fails then I do a one spanking. I don't go from zero to spanking.

I think at home our kids know by now how the "process" goes so they don't push my buttons all the way....

It's a good way for me too to not lose it all at once. But, yes, it takes a lot of patience.

On occasions if they have a horrible tantrum they get a cold shower to cool things down too.

Are you crazy? You are an abuser. I’m appalled you don’t see that and talk so casually about it. You are terrible. Pray for your children, they will hate you too.

I come from a different culture where disciplining your kids is normal. We're beyond the "spanking age", my kids are now teenagers, one going to college soon, and the only thing I do is lecture them or take away their electronics.

They are amazing kids too. Well educated and well mannered. They exceed in sports and at school on their own. Not worried here!

The idea is to discipline your kids without the "rage" mentioned by other posters...

Putting you child in a cold shower is not discipline.
Not abusing doesn’t mean not disciplining.
You are an abuser and it will come back to haunt you.