It sounds like he needs to have her 1-2 times a week AND pay her a bit more.

OP, he might just need to hire someone to be more of a housekeeper, i.e. someone to actually help with the laundry and doing the dishes. He could even hire a different housekeeper to come alternate weeks to his current housekeeper to help him keep things more tidy. Can he afford extra help?

The housecleaner wants to quit. Don't call her and guilt her into staying in a job she doesn't like anymore. I would go to my dad's house and see how things stand. Then get a new cleaner to come once a week. Maybe your dad is depressed and not doing the basic upkeep.

i agree with others who say you need to pop in unexpectedly to see how it really is. he needs more help. some people have housekeepers come every day for a short time to keep up with things. if he is leaving the dishes in the sink for two weeks, that has to change.

it doesn't quite make sense that it has gotten this much worse if your dad was basically doing everything before your mom passed.

my mom quit cleaning and doing anything when my dad died. it is hoarders lite now.

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not willing to go there and find out what’s happening, prepare for it to just spiral out of control. I don’t know why you think the housecleaner problem would be the last thing.

If he hasn’t given her a raise in a long time that could also be an issue.

Hi, I'm the OP. I never said anything about it being the "last" thing. And I am willing to go there. Not sure you read my post?

If you’re not willing to go there and find out what’s happening, prepare for it to just spiral out of control. I don’t know why you think the housecleaner problem would be the last thing.

If he hasn’t given her a raise in a long time that could also be an issue.

Half an hour distance is nothing. Go check it out yourself. Not saying you have to drop everything and go tonight, but make it a priority at least by this weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know who would do his dishes and and his laundry? An independent living residence.

Uh, no. Independent living, literally mean INDEPENDENT. My mom just went from an independent place to an assisted living and they still don't do their dishes or laundry. (Well, they'll do the sheets and towels, but not the clothes w/o an additional fee.) The only way they'll do the dishes is if they eat in the main dining room, not their apartment dishes.

I was referring to dishes in the main dining room. And at one of my relative's independent living residences, laundry is included.

Anonymous wrote:You know who would do his dishes and and his laundry? An independent living residence.

Uh, no. Independent living, literally mean INDEPENDENT. My mom just went from an independent place to an assisted living and they still don't do their dishes or laundry. (Well, they'll do the sheets and towels, but not the clothes w/o an additional fee.) The only way they'll do the dishes is if they eat in the main dining room, not their apartment dishes.

Anonymous wrote:Find a new housekeeper, visit your dad more often.

Just that easy!

Find a new housekeeper, visit your dad more often.

The fact that this upsets him so much is in itself a red flag for his capabilities and mental health.

Yes you are busy, but you need to make the time to go and see. Hire a babysitter for the kids and go figure this out. Maybe he just needs a new cleaning lady, but maybe things are worse than you think.

OP, I hear you. It’s hard dealing with aging parents plus your own life with work and kids, etc. My dad is very anxious and calls with every problem and can seem very shook up and frantic which I tend to absorb. I always have to talk to DH who lets me vent and calms me down so I can appropriately triage and prioritize. This situation is not an emergency despite your dad making it seem that way. Go over to assess the state of his home when you can fit it into your schedule and try to get a look at the texts. Then make a plan. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck aren’t you investigating yourself?
Go there, ask for the housekeeper’s number, and work it out.
A 70+ man isn’t going to learn new tricks.

Because I just learned about this an hour ago, I have two very young kids and a full time job. NO need to be harsh. This is pretty hard as it is with my mom being gone.

Why the heck aren’t you investigating yourself?
Go there, ask for the housekeeper’s number, and work it out.
A 70+ man isn’t going to learn new tricks.