I feel bad too. I would give them the best of everything if I could.

I do feel bad that my kids get too much screen time and have to go to daycare. They are happy, healthy, and loved but are definitely not as advanced as some of their more advantaged peers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot changes over the next several years. Some of the early readers will be “average” later. And some kids who didn’t really read until 1st are “gifted”.

Connect/play with your kids, read to them, and love them. That’s all they need when they are young.

Yes to the late readers being gifted but not true with early readers or early talkers turning out to be average. I’ve run data on this as a school administrator and read many studies on it.

+1. Early talkers and early readers always turn out to be way above average. The converse is not true. Late talkers and readers can turn out to be geniuses.

Not universally. I know a kid who was an “early reader” because the mom did the “teach my baby to read” TV thing and had reading gadgets. That kid is most definitely “above average” at most now (in an “above average” area). Definitely not gifted. Spends 95% of time on screens since 9-10.

For naturally precocious readers, sure. But not the kids who were pushed into it.

NP here and I agree with the premise that early talkers and early readers will always turn out to be bright. “Teach your baby to read” wasn’t about learning to read/decode. It was rote memorization which is why it was sued out of existence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot changes over the next several years. Some of the early readers will be “average” later. And some kids who didn’t really read until 1st are “gifted”.

Connect/play with your kids, read to them, and love them. That’s all they need when they are young.

Yes to the late readers being gifted but not true with early readers or early talkers turning out to be average. I’ve run data on this as a school administrator and read many studies on it.

+1. Early talkers and early readers always turn out to be way above average. The converse is not true. Late talkers and readers can turn out to be geniuses.

Not universally. I know a kid who was an “early reader” because the mom did the “teach my baby to read” TV thing and had reading gadgets. That kid is most definitely “above average” at most now (in an “above average” area). Definitely not gifted. Spends 95% of time on screens since 9-10.

For naturally precocious readers, sure. But not the kids who were pushed into it.

My DD was an early reader and tested gifted in 2nd grade. Now she is in 8th grade has anxiety and depression and her grades are dropping fast. Meanwhile, her friend who struggled in elementary school with reading etc is now getting straight A's as she is happy and confident and studies really hard. I am confident with help and support my DD will get through this hard time but I just wanted to say sometimes the stuff parents brag about in early elementary doesn't always mean that it is going to be all sunshine and roses for their kid and a happy childhood is the most important.

Anonymous wrote:Providing your kid with unconditional love, and a strong moral compass will set your kids up for success above all else.

This... this right here

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound like a humble brag but it’s not: I feel like one of my kids is too smart. She started talking at eight months and has always been insanely intellectually curious, like loving museums at age 3 and constantly watching educational YouTube videos as a kid.

And it’s like she knows too much. I know that a lot of this is just mental anxiety, but she knows all the challenges she is going to face: competition for college, salaries not keeping up with the cost of inflation, rising housing costs, increasing income inequality, difficult of access to mental healthcare, fossil fuel lobbies, the failures of many social justice initiarives, etc. She lies awake at night worrying about abortion rights and Russia’s propaganda tactics. She just turned 13 but she has been anxious about the world for a long time.

My other kid likes Roblox and fantasy novels. He does think about things like global warming, but in a more action-oriented, optimistic way.

I’m sure a lot of bright kids aren’t anxious but don’t assume intelligence means somebody is going to lead a better life.

Also, I did a ton to foster all this intelligence. I spoke to her like an adult since birth (people made fun of me but I really wanted her to start talking so I could know what she was thinking!), I gave her fish oil, I took her to lots of historical sites and museums, I basically did everything a parenting book would tell you to do to foster a child’s intellectual growth. When people saw how smart she was and asked me how I did it, I did focus on the idea that my daughters motivation to learn came from her, but I did tell them what I did. Now I wish I had said “just relax” (in a non-condescending way).

With the next kid I just let him watch truck videos all day.

Sorry two more things about this and then I’ll be quiet:

A while ago, my daughter and I were having a chat, and she really opened up and cried about how people are always telling her she has so much potential, she will go so far, etc. They never say “you’ve come so far” or “you’ve done great” or “you are awesome just as you are.”

There is so much pressure for more. More improvement, more growth, more producing amazing art or writing, more great grades on tests, etc. This is why there is gifted kid burnout.

Lastly, it sucks when you have so much “potential” but don’t get good grades. It’s this extra level of shame. DD’s most recent score on the Lexile test was 2003 (I think 970 or something is considered on grade level), and she is getting a C in English, because it’s just really boring. She wants to do well but doing all the easy things is actually harder (there is an ADHD issue too). So there’s a lot of shame there, but for lots of kids, a C in English gets them a pat on tbe back.

It feels like having a gifted kid is a difficult challenge to be dealt with, not something you can just sit back and be proud of.

If it makes you feel any better, we are a bilingual house with (mostly) no screen time and our toddler is still a late talker (catching up with speech therapy). And I absolutely loathe crafts and imaginative play (I stay home with him) so I mostly don’t do those things. You can’t give your kids the very best of everything or we’d all be stretched impossibly thin. We value our kids growing into kind, empathetic, responsible, and secure adults so we are most focused on instilling those values.

OP, how old are your kids?

As a mom of two college kids who's seen many, many kids grow up, I can tell you that precociousness does not always last, especially if it's being propped up by parents, e g kid is ahead in math because of enrichment. Think of it this way, the kid who is the tallest in the third grade is not necessarily the tallest in the 12th grade. Math, music, reading often work in the same way. Sure, you don't want your kid to fall significantly behind, but as long as it's not the case, do not let these worries override your life.

I gave my kids all those things but I still worry it's not enough. I worry about their character, their emotional ups and downs, am I doing enough to teach self-regulation and compassion, etc. It's endless. You just do your best and at some point let go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only admit it here but I feel the same. As much as I defend my choices here and know in my heart that I am doing the best I can in the moment, I do look at other parents who do more and feel inadequate.

Are you one of those people who say daycare is better than nanny and public is better than private 😀

No, but in my heart I know. Not all private schools or all nannies obviously but the great nannies and private schools.

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound like a humble brag but it’s not: I feel like one of my kids is too smart. She started talking at eight months and has always been insanely intellectually curious, like loving museums at age 3 and constantly watching educational YouTube videos as a kid.

And it’s like she knows too much. I know that a lot of this is just mental anxiety, but she knows all the challenges she is going to face: competition for college, salaries not keeping up with the cost of inflation, rising housing costs, increasing income inequality, difficult of access to mental healthcare, fossil fuel lobbies, the failures of many social justice initiarives, etc. She lies awake at night worrying about abortion rights and Russia’s propaganda tactics. She just turned 13 but she has been anxious about the world for a long time.

My other kid likes Roblox and fantasy novels. He does think about things like global warming, but in a more action-oriented, optimistic way.

I’m sure a lot of bright kids aren’t anxious but don’t assume intelligence means somebody is going to lead a better life.

Also, I did a ton to foster all this intelligence. I spoke to her like an adult since birth (people made fun of me but I really wanted her to start talking so I could know what she was thinking!), I gave her fish oil, I took her to lots of historical sites and museums, I basically did everything a parenting book would tell you to do to foster a child’s intellectual growth. When people saw how smart she was and asked me how I did it, I did focus on the idea that my daughters motivation to learn came from her, but I did tell them what I did. Now I wish I had said “just relax” (in a non-condescending way).

With the next kid I just let him watch truck videos all day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read something yesterday that resonated. It was about how we praise kids who are talented and smart, but what mattered most to this person was actually the kids who are kind. It was a really sweet tribute to her kid’s friend.

But a lot of the exceptional kids are also kind and loving.

The top student in my son’s 2nd grade class is also the kindest and most inclusive.

It does give the insecurities!

There is something wrong with the world if you know who the top student in your 2nd grader’s class is. 11th or 12th? Sure

Not really. Everyone knows who the top students are in DD’s elementary school too. I mean it’s obvious! (And it’s not my kids!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot changes over the next several years. Some of the early readers will be “average” later. And some kids who didn’t really read until 1st are “gifted”.

Connect/play with your kids, read to them, and love them. That’s all they need when they are young.

Yes to the late readers being gifted but not true with early readers or early talkers turning out to be average. I’ve run data on this as a school administrator and read many studies on it.

+1. Early talkers and early readers always turn out to be way above average. The converse is not true. Late talkers and readers can turn out to be geniuses.

This is going to sound like a humble brag but it’s not: I feel like one of my kids is too smart. She started talking at eight months and has always been insanely intellectually curious, like loving museums at age 3 and constantly watching educational YouTube videos as a kid.

And it’s like she knows too much. I know that a lot of this is just mental anxiety, but she knows all the challenges she is going to face: competition for college, salaries not keeping up with the cost of inflation, rising housing costs, increasing income inequality, difficult of access to mental healthcare, fossil fuel lobbies, the failures of many social justice initiarives, etc. She lies awake at night worrying about abortion rights and Russia’s propaganda tactics. She just turned 13 but she has been anxious about the world for a long time.

My other kid likes Roblox and fantasy novels. He does think about things like global warming, but in a more action-oriented, optimistic way.

I’m sure a lot of bright kids aren’t anxious but don’t assume intelligence means somebody is going to lead a better life.