Anonymous wrote:Op here. Truly not a troll.

I totally realize this is *my* issue, that’s why I asked. I think the issue is that the person who most often says this to me is my MIL, who definitely has a dramatic “oh, it’s so nice for you to take time out of your busy life to ask about little old me” air. And I have kind of a “let’s just cut to the chase” personality, so I know this shouldn’t rub me wrong.

And I came to DCUM for exactly this slap in the face, so thank you. (Sincerely)

So then stop asking her

Anonymous wrote:I shout "Mind your own business!" and don't make eye contact.

I don’t think everyone uses it sarcasticly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also think it’s rude.

What are they supposed to say? Maybe stop interacting with humans. You sound exhausting.

Just answer the question. Don’t say thanks for asking. It makes you look like you think you are very important but no one notices.

What?!?
No it does not. It means the person asking is not prying - but rather that you appreciated them asking.

Op here. Truly not a troll.

I totally realize this is *my* issue, that’s why I asked. I think the issue is that the person who most often says this to me is my MIL, who definitely has a dramatic “oh, it’s so nice for you to take time out of your busy life to ask about little old me” air. And I have kind of a “let’s just cut to the chase” personality, so I know this shouldn’t rub me wrong.

And I came to DCUM for exactly this slap in the face, so thank you. (Sincerely)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this, but I really 100% genuinely mean it when I say it. It never occurred to me that this would offend anyone. Can someone explain why? (no, snark - serious question). I hope I haven't unintentionally offended someone.

Because it implies that no one ever asks so it’s being passive aggressive imo.

But...it isn't rude to the asker! Maybe the thanker really appreciates that the asker cares enough to ask. My family rarely checks on me as I am going through a medical issue requiring surgeries, tests, appts, etc. Rarely will family check on me. I have a friend who checks on me and knows what is upcoming for me. Her interest and support are helping me get through this time. I thank her every time because I genuinely appreciate it.

Not rude at all and not passive aggressive whatsoever.

Uh, I have said this many times because I'm genuinely appreciative that someone asked. I can't think of a time I've ever said it passive-aggressively or meant it as an insult.

The closest I can think of is if someone asks if they could do something specific for me, and I said "thanks for asking" while turning them down. I guess maybe that could come off as rude, but sometimes people offer help that I really don't want, and I want to thank them for wanting to help even as I may want to turn down the help itself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this, but I really 100% genuinely mean it when I say it. It never occurred to me that this would offend anyone. Can someone explain why? (no, snark - serious question). I hope I haven't unintentionally offended someone.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with thanking someone for checking on your wellbeing.

Agreed. I think it also signals the person was okay with you asking/wanting to talk about it. I've said it to people checking in to see how I'm doing after a loved one has died. I think sometimes people just avoid asking because they're uncomfortable and don't want to remind me, etc. You aren't reminding me, I'm thinking about it all the time and it's nice to know someone cares enough to check in.

I shout "Mind your own business!" and don't make eye contact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this, but I really 100% genuinely mean it when I say it. It never occurred to me that this would offend anyone. Can someone explain why? (no, snark - serious question). I hope I haven't unintentionally offended someone.

Because it implies that no one ever asks so it’s being passive aggressive imo.

You've got issues. Either no one ever asks you and that's how you respond, so you're projecting, or you've witnessed this kind of behavior and think it's normal. It's not. Or you nearly never ask anyone how they're doing, so they respond that way and you perceive it as passive aggressive behavior because you feel guilty for checking in infrequently.

There's a scene in Contagion where someone asks how another character's holiday went, and she responds that she worked. She doesn't ask about his holiday, so he responds with something like, "Mine was great. Thanks for asking." That's passive aggressive. If that's how your "thanks for asking" conversations are going, you're doing it wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also think it’s rude.

What are they supposed to say? Maybe stop interacting with humans. You sound exhausting.

Just answer the question. Don’t say thanks for asking. It makes you look like you think you are very important but no one notices.

Lol. No, no it doesn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this, but I really 100% genuinely mean it when I say it. It never occurred to me that this would offend anyone. Can someone explain why? (no, snark - serious question). I hope I haven't unintentionally offended someone.

Because it implies that no one ever asks so it’s being passive aggressive imo.

Wow. People can convince themselves that anything is offensive. It does not imply that at all. It is as straight forward as can be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this, but I really 100% genuinely mean it when I say it. It never occurred to me that this would offend anyone. Can someone explain why? (no, snark - serious question). I hope I haven't unintentionally offended someone.

Because it implies that no one ever asks so it’s being passive aggressive imo.

So it’s passive aggressive toward people other than the asker?

Not following.

You aren’t following because it’s nonsensical. There is nothing wrong with Thanks for asking. Reading DCUM will have you scared to say a word if you take these crazy posters seriously.

Anonymous wrote:
Everyone who said this to me meant it sincerely.

You guys are pathologically insecure and weird.

100%