Anonymous
05/13/2022 13:27
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:OP, as a woman who is childless due to infertility, these comments sounds like things I say to myself to make myself feel better. Don't know about your friends situation, but it might be best if you keep your friendship away from the subject of kids.
I do not bring up children around her.
Anonymous
05/13/2022 13:27
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
You love and accept her just the way she is and go about your day, she is free to express her disgust with tasks that come with child rearing
Anonymous
05/13/2022 13:16
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have twin boys and I agree with her comments.
When someone says "I'm glad that I don't have kids", I usually respond something like "It's not right for everyone, but it's right for me."
When someone talks about the cons of having kids, I usually says something like "Yeah, that's bad, but the pros far outweigh the cons"
Basically give validation to what the other person says, but then disagree respectfully. There is no right way to live life and children are not for everyone. They ARE a lot of work including a lot of unpleasant or disgusting work, but I think those of us with kids can agree that, for us, we'd rather have them and put up with the bad things than not to have them. That said, there are also a lot of positives to being child-free and having the freedom to do what you want vs what you have to do for a family. And because of all the work, children are best left to those who really want them. Having an unwanted dependent is not good for either the caretaker or the dependent.
Pretty much this. I seriously wonder about the mom's that act like everything is wonderful and amazing. Kids are nasty aor of the time and sometimes the good doesn't outweigh the bad
Really the comment is innocuous and if this sets you off you're in for a long road.
If you really think making comments like this is acceptable behavior, then you have extremely poor social skills, as does OP’s friends.
Anonymous
05/13/2022 13:04
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
Tell her she’s rude!
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:57
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
I love my kids, but completely agree with her about the toilets.
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:44
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
She sounds immature and insensitive. Why would she say this in front of someone with kids? Do you like her enough to just ignore it and know it’s a flaw in her character?
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:41
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
OP, as a woman who is childless due to infertility, these comments sounds like things I say to myself to make myself feel better. Don't know about your friends situation, but it might be best if you keep your friendship away from the subject of kids.
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:38
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.
Its a funny thing. The childfree are generally polite and cognizant of limited parental resources and therefore don't bring up things that will antagonize a parent - especially one with a young child that needs a lot of commitment and focus in the early years. However I don't see that same sort of deference from parents who bring up everything about their child (positively) when they were never asked.
Commitment should go both ways.
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:37
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
"You were once a child. Did you think your opinion on children was influenced by how your mom viewed parenthood?"
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:36
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.
From abother CFBC person--agreed, if a friend is being rude about anything (this topic or others), why not bring it up with them?
I agree that what you're friend is doing IS rude and I would never do the same, about anything that a friend values. When thinking about where your friend is coming from, though, it is good to keep in mind where she might be coming from. People without children get a whole lot of unsolicited judgment from others on their life choices. I know OP is not doing this to their friend based on their posts in this thread (and these kinds of judgmental statements are far more likely to come from near-strangers than from friends IME), but the general experience of this happening over and over again can prime someone to be defensive about their nonstandard choice.
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:29
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.
Where did you get from OP's post that she was trying to get her friend to babysit?
The PP didn't say that they assumed the OP was trying to get the friend to babysit?
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:28
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:I have twin boys and I agree with her comments.
When someone says "I'm glad that I don't have kids", I usually respond something like "It's not right for everyone, but it's right for me."
When someone talks about the cons of having kids, I usually says something like "Yeah, that's bad, but the pros far outweigh the cons"
Basically give validation to what the other person says, but then disagree respectfully. There is no right way to live life and children are not for everyone. They ARE a lot of work including a lot of unpleasant or disgusting work, but I think those of us with kids can agree that, for us, we'd rather have them and put up with the bad things than not to have them. That said, there are also a lot of positives to being child-free and having the freedom to do what you want vs what you have to do for a family. And because of all the work, children are best left to those who really want them. Having an unwanted dependent is not good for either the caretaker or the dependent.
Pretty much this. I seriously wonder about the mom's that act like everything is wonderful and amazing. Kids are nasty aor of the time and sometimes the good doesn't outweigh the bad
Really the comment is innocuous and if this sets you off you're in for a long road.
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:25
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.
Where did you get from OP's post that she was trying to get her friend to babysit?
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:17
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
I have twin boys and I agree with her comments.
When someone says "I'm glad that I don't have kids", I usually respond something like "It's not right for everyone, but it's right for me."
When someone talks about the cons of having kids, I usually says something like "Yeah, that's bad, but the pros far outweigh the cons"
Basically give validation to what the other person says, but then disagree respectfully. There is no right way to live life and children are not for everyone. They ARE a lot of work including a lot of unpleasant or disgusting work, but I think those of us with kids can agree that, for us, we'd rather have them and put up with the bad things than not to have them. That said, there are also a lot of positives to being child-free and having the freedom to do what you want vs what you have to do for a family. And because of all the work, children are best left to those who really want them. Having an unwanted dependent is not good for either the caretaker or the dependent.
When someone says "I'm glad that I don't have kids", I usually respond something like "It's not right for everyone, but it's right for me."
When someone talks about the cons of having kids, I usually says something like "Yeah, that's bad, but the pros far outweigh the cons"
Basically give validation to what the other person says, but then disagree respectfully. There is no right way to live life and children are not for everyone. They ARE a lot of work including a lot of unpleasant or disgusting work, but I think those of us with kids can agree that, for us, we'd rather have them and put up with the bad things than not to have them. That said, there are also a lot of positives to being child-free and having the freedom to do what you want vs what you have to do for a family. And because of all the work, children are best left to those who really want them. Having an unwanted dependent is not good for either the caretaker or the dependent.
Anonymous
05/13/2022 12:16
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:I wonder if she secretly wants kids. I had a friend like this, she was TTC.
99.9% sure she doesn't.