Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 13:15     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I met this man on a work course years ago (nothing romantic) who said he'd left his wife after their first child was born. She went onto remarry eventually and had a bunch more kids. He was still single, years later after pursuing various women (normally younger). And he said it was his biggest regret, that he wished he was the man living with his ex wife and all those kids, that they all were his. It was really heart breaking to hear. He told only me at the time, it wasn't like it was a big room of people, it was in a one-on-one but I didn't know what to say, because there was nothing that could make it better.


He was saying this to get in your pants. Any man who leaves his wife with a young child is trash.


+1. Pure garbage human
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 13:05     Subject: Re:Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife was a drug addict who was verbally and physically abusive. I've never had any regrets.


Then this thread isn't for you, is it?
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 12:30     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ok so did anyone actually regret their divorce? You know, the people this thread is for?


Really the question is do you regret the divorce if the divorce was your idea - i.e., you initiated it.

I regret my divorce chiefly because we have kids but the divorce was not my idea.

Among those who did initiate the divorce, you'll see a lot of cope (My Husband Was Bad, I Should Never Have Married Him, Life Is Better Now, The Kids Are Thriving) because most people can't admit to themselves that they made a mistake.


I made a mistake getting married, which I fully admit to anyone. I did not feel right being engaged and it was a mistake from day 1. My divorce was not a mistake. I waited far too long to divorce.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 12:02     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:Ok so did anyone actually regret their divorce? You know, the people this thread is for?


Really the question is do you regret the divorce if the divorce was your idea - i.e., you initiated it.

I regret my divorce chiefly because we have kids but the divorce was not my idea.

Among those who did initiate the divorce, you'll see a lot of cope (My Husband Was Bad, I Should Never Have Married Him, Life Is Better Now, The Kids Are Thriving) because most people can't admit to themselves that they made a mistake.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 11:31     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
I regret my divorce but not the kids that came from my second marriage. My first husband was largely kind, sweet and loving but just sort of froze when I miscarried, and he didn't want to try to have kids anymore. My second husband is loyal and reliable, missing qualities in my first marriage. But my kids are really what make it worth it. The ex and i are still friends. Sometimes I meet up with him, and he expresses regret over our divorce but I can't imagine dragging little kids all over the middle east and Asia. He's a college professor/archeologist very much in the vein of Indiana Jones.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 11:20     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:I only know of one woman who regretted her divorce. She was getting bored in the marriage and her husband was pretty disinterested in doing anything together as a family. She thought she’d teach him a lesson by leaving and that he’d somehow change who he was in a fundamental level once he realized how much he missed her. That didn’t happen, he was ambivalent about the whole thing. She’s still single almost ten years after and he has remarried and seems really happy.


She was an idiot. No one should get divorced hoping someone will come after you. She ended it. He probably had self-respect. She was playing games.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 11:18     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:Ok so did anyone actually regret their divorce? You know, the people this thread is for?


Most people do not regret a divorce.
No, I do not—but in retrospect, an affair until kids were older would have been easier logistically. It might have enabled me to stay married longer (but not forever). I am much happier divorced. However, logistics with kids is frustrating.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 11:16     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I do not regret it. But it probably would have been easier logistically with kids to stay married and just have an affair until they were a little older. I offered that alternative to divorce. We never had sex but he still said no.


It's an unpopular opinion but I agree that if you can pull off an affair in a low sex marriage it's a much better alternative than divorce. Eventually, your hormones calm down and you can live happily ever after. Many couples that make it to old age together have undiscovered affairs.


But doesn’t “happily ever after” not having deceived and hurt somebody? Especially when you frame it in terms of “pulling off” the affair. By “pulling it off” you mean hiding and deceiving because you know it will cause pain.

I get when people have affairs because they just don’t care about their spouse anymore and they aren’t hoping for a happily ever after but it seems odd to me to lie and cheat as a means to get to the happily ever after.


It does not cause pain if you are only in the marriage for kids. There are loveless marriages.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 10:20     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I do not regret it. But it probably would have been easier logistically with kids to stay married and just have an affair until they were a little older. I offered that alternative to divorce. We never had sex but he still said no.


It's an unpopular opinion but I agree that if you can pull off an affair in a low sex marriage it's a much better alternative than divorce. Eventually, your hormones calm down and you can live happily ever after. Many couples that make it to old age together have undiscovered affairs.


But doesn’t “happily ever after” not having deceived and hurt somebody? Especially when you frame it in terms of “pulling off” the affair. By “pulling it off” you mean hiding and deceiving because you know it will cause pain.

I get when people have affairs because they just don’t care about their spouse anymore and they aren’t hoping for a happily ever after but it seems odd to me to lie and cheat as a means to get to the happily ever after.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 10:19     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
I only know of one woman who regretted her divorce. She was getting bored in the marriage and her husband was pretty disinterested in doing anything together as a family. She thought she’d teach him a lesson by leaving and that he’d somehow change who he was in a fundamental level once he realized how much he missed her. That didn’t happen, he was ambivalent about the whole thing. She’s still single almost ten years after and he has remarried and seems really happy.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 10:09     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Ok so did anyone actually regret their divorce? You know, the people this thread is for?
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 09:49     Subject: Re:Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife was a drug addict who was verbally and physically abusive. I've never had any regrets.


Me too, but alcoholic and abusive. I regret ever marrying the monster.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 09:47     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I do not regret it. But it probably would have been easier logistically with kids to stay married and just have an affair until they were a little older. I offered that alternative to divorce. We never had sex but he still said no.


It's an unpopular opinion but I agree that if you can pull off an affair in a low sex marriage it's a much better alternative than divorce. Eventually, your hormones calm down and you can live happily ever after. Many couples that make it to old age together have undiscovered affairs.


We would have still gotten a divorce. An affair only would have been to survive the marriage until kids were grown. We no relationship. No way we would ahve stayed married. It's just that the logistics with divorce with kids is annoying.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 09:35     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Me. It wasn’t my choice and I will never forgive my Ex for giving up on our 20yr+ marriage for “freedom” from responsibility


WOW. My life. She left for "freedom" after a 20+ year relationship and two kids involved. Soon after I found out that she was having an affair because she pretty quickly moved in with him. Now she has her freedom and I have two kids that wonder where mom is and why she left. She comes over a few times a week for dinner with them and then it's freedom. I will never forgive her. Ever.


Are you honest with the kids about why she left? How are the kids doing?
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2022 09:26     Subject: Tell me about regretting your divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Me. It wasn’t my choice and I will never forgive my Ex for giving up on our 20yr+ marriage for “freedom” from responsibility


WOW. My life. She left for "freedom" after a 20+ year relationship and two kids involved. Soon after I found out that she was having an affair because she pretty quickly moved in with him. Now she has her freedom and I have two kids that wonder where mom is and why she left. She comes over a few times a week for dinner with them and then it's freedom. I will never forgive her. Ever.


Wow. this is terrible. I would not forgive her ever either. As a mom, as much as I wish for some freedom from all the responsibilities at time, I would never act upon it in this way. Maybe a once a year hotel stay or spa retreat but no, this is awful. I hope you have some other forms of support.