Anonymous wrote:My STBXH separated six months ago. We share custody 50/50 of our son.

About 3 months ago I reconnected with an old flame that I had significant feelings for but he was never really more than a FWB. I saw him two months ago for a "sleepover" and he’s been hot/cold ever since. Honestly the flame for him never really went out.

Long story short, I’m dealing with just such crippling sadness since dealing with the rejection of two men. I lost 20lbs after my separation and felt better physically than I have in a long time. Now everything is just kind of surfacing - losing my marriage and also realizing I don’t mean anything to someone I hoped would even give me the time of day. He just left me on read when I reached out to him. I deleted his number and have decided to just forget about him. But it doesn’t get rid of the feelings I wish would go away.

I don’t know where to go from here? Therapy? Meds? Thank god my ex has our kid today because I just feel like an idiot.

OP, sorry you are going through this. Let’s deconstruct what happened with the second guy so that it does not happen when you are ready to start dating again.

Did you reach out to him, or him to you?

How did you approach him; what did you say?

What did he say in return?

Were you guys just FWB before? What were you expecting this time around?

Was there anything in his behavior that made you think, realistically, he wanted more than FWB?

Have you ever had a situation where someone was a nice person but they were into you more than you were into them? It happens.

Are you aware that some people in the world are givers, some are takers, and some are straight up users? Which type are you? Which type is that guy? Which type do you want to date? Which type do you not want to have in your life?

Do you agree you deserve to have only good people in your life?

Do you understand that there is an abundance of good people in the world, not a scarcity, and that you don’t need to settle for bad when you can hold out for good?

Work through the above and you may find some peace with what happened with the second guy. Who knows or cares why he did what he did. You don’t have time for nonsense. Bye to him. You are on a mission to have good things and good people in your life.

Sorry OP. Your FWB was destined to become a let down. You will eventually meet your Mr. Right. But it ain't him!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Within three months of separating you were already hooking up with someone else. That’s your problem. Learn who you are on your own. Take a break from bring in a partnership. Focus on helping others -volunteer on a day when you don’t have your child

NP here. I think you should take your sanctimonious comment about oh you’ve been messing around with somebody three months from separation and shove it. Everyone seems to think they know what’s best for other people who’ve gone through a divorce in terms of this when you really have no idea. Many many people who separate or divorced have really not been in an actual relationship for years and their marriage was dead for a very long time in a lot of instances. I did not date while separated and I was separated for two years and in retrospect it was absolutely stupid that I did not date. When I was separated I had not had sex in five years and by the time I was actually divorce I had not had sex in seven years I literally was a no relationship marriage so really bothers me when people come on here and assume oh you shouldn’t date right away after being separated or divorced when you have no idea what the marriage was actually like that these people are leaving.

My ex was on tinder after 3 weeks. He still can’t keep a girlfriend after 6 years.