Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels so dated to me. Free play and independence are definitely stressed in the pre elementary school level and most parents are aware with older kids.

However “free play” isn’t playing video games! And sports will always be organized and valuable.

it kind of is, honestly. it has all elements of traditional play (and then some) except for physical exertion (which is not a part of every traditional game, either).

Right. Also, home video game systems have been around since the 1980s. Kids were definitely roaming around then too. Video games are not the devil.

I think now a days for whatever reason organized activities are just seen as and deemed superior.its almost like free play isn't as valuable. Ppl also expect kids to be done being kids so much earlier.

Anonymous wrote:This feels so dated to me. Free play and independence are definitely stressed in the pre elementary school level and most parents are aware with older kids.

However “free play” isn’t playing video games! And sports will always be organized and valuable.

it kind of is, honestly. it has all elements of traditional play (and then some) except for physical exertion (which is not a part of every traditional game, either).

Anonymous wrote:This feels so dated to me. Free play and independence are definitely stressed in the pre elementary school level and most parents are aware with older kids.

However “free play” isn’t playing video games! And sports will always be organized and valuable.

I agree and disagree. I'm very excited to see this film, but video games aren't the devil the problem with screens in general is that ots all kinds seemingly want to do and because of helicopter parents all they really allowed to do. Along with organized sports, they can be great, but aren't necessary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a city so it's a little different - less freedom when they're little (no backyard) but more freedom when they're in middle school than suburban kids get. I was shocked at the 6 yr old who isn't allowed to use a butter knife though - that is just ridiculous.

Don’t generalize about suburban kids. I’m the PP who has posted about how much freedom the kids in my suburban neighborhood have.

Letting them run around after school in the neighborhood isn't the same as them taking a bus to a train to go across a city.

Elitist, aren’t we? In my neighborhood, it’s possible to take a bus to the metro and get into DC fairly quickly. Independence via transportation is 100% possible for these kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a city so it's a little different - less freedom when they're little (no backyard) but more freedom when they're in middle school than suburban kids get. I was shocked at the 6 yr old who isn't allowed to use a butter knife though - that is just ridiculous.

Don’t generalize about suburban kids. I’m the PP who has posted about how much freedom the kids in my suburban neighborhood have.

Letting them run around after school in the neighborhood isn't the same as them taking a bus to a train to go across a city.

Anonymous wrote:We live in a city so it's a little different - less freedom when they're little (no backyard) but more freedom when they're in middle school than suburban kids get. I was shocked at the 6 yr old who isn't allowed to use a butter knife though - that is just ridiculous.

Don’t generalize about suburban kids. I’m the PP who has posted about how much freedom the kids in my suburban neighborhood have.

We live in a city so it's a little different - less freedom when they're little (no backyard) but more freedom when they're in middle school than suburban kids get. I was shocked at the 6 yr old who isn't allowed to use a butter knife though - that is just ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the elementary school aged kids we know who don’t do organized sports stat home and play video games. That is NOT “free play”.

I also find this subject tiresome. We don’t live in the same world we did when my mother was a kid and summers and after-school involved going outside and playing in the creek, sledding, building tree forts, etc. Most of us live in over-developed suburbs or cities where free range is simply dangerous.

Why is it unsafe? I'm totally with you that some things have shifted and that's ok. But I've also read that people's perception of "safety" now is often not linked to reality very well and in fact things have gotten much much safer since our parent's time, but perception of safety has shifted for a lot of reasons I'm sure but partly because we have access to SO much media. I guess I'm just surprised you say the suburbs where most live are simply dangerous. We live in Arlington and kids definitely have a lot of free range to go around our neighborhoods (maybe not as early as they used to before, but starting in maybe 3rd grade) and it seems perfectly safe in the large scheme of things. My in-laws live in Burke and the kids DEFINITELY roam free around the neighborhood. All seems safe.

Note this is obviously a privilege, just addressing that you say the suburbs most live in are unsafe and I'm not sure I understand that

House after house are empty in our neighborhood because of dual working parents. There’s no one around like there used to be. Crime is on the rise. Suburban life doesn’t feel safe anymore.

This is not the case in our neighborhood in Arlington, or in the neighborhood I frequent in Burke that I mentioned. Especially with so many parents working from home now. Covid has really helped things in that regard I think (in more privileged communities). And it sounds like you may be falling into the trap of what you perceive as things being more dangerous than actually looking at the stats. The quote at the end of the trailer (I haven't watched the documentary) rings true to me "Worrying doesn't prevent death, it prevents life." Brene brown has a similar quote something like rehearsing tragedy doesn't actually prevent tragedy, it prevents us from feeling joy. I linked an article on it below. The others are a little dated but talk a little about this phenomenon of folks perception of safety being incredibly off - things are way safer for kids now than in much of history. Half as much crime as there was 25 years ago. HALF. Stay off social media more and you'll feel much better (helped me a lot)

https://www.vox.com/2015/5/4/8546497/crime-rate-america

https://theworld.org/stories/2014-10-23/world-actually-safer-ever-and-heres-data-prove

https://www.purewow.com/wellness/dress-rehearsing-tragedy (lol I realize purewow isn't some great source, this is just an opinion piece)

Exactly. I posted above about how our neighborhood has lots of impromptu free play among kids. On our block alone, there are 2 kids right about DD’s age, and a boy about a year younger just moved in a couple of months ago. They play all the time—including going in/out of each other’s houses—and I can count on less than one hand the number of times we as parents have scheduled play dates for them. They just go out to the playground behind all of our houses and play with whoever is outside. We supervise them since they’re young, but that just entails making sure they’re watching for traffic.

You just have to make it a priority. You set limits and boundaries around screen time. You put them in organized activities but hold space for free time and free play. You don't entertain them 24-7 and allow them (and allow yourself) to get bored. You don't buy them the best of everything, even if you can. You make them figure out their own games, and you read to them all the time. You are in charge of their childhood, so you structure it how you think it can be most beneficial to them, given the constraints present in your own life. Best thing we have ever done besides reading to our 3 kids is set strong boundaries with screens - none in the car, none at restaurants or while running errands, none waiting for doctors or medical appointments, etc. It makes your life harder, but it is so worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the elementary school aged kids we know who don’t do organized sports stat home and play video games. That is NOT “free play”.

I also find this subject tiresome. We don’t live in the same world we did when my mother was a kid and summers and after-school involved going outside and playing in the creek, sledding, building tree forts, etc. Most of us live in over-developed suburbs or cities where free range is simply dangerous.

Why is it unsafe? I'm totally with you that some things have shifted and that's ok. But I've also read that people's perception of "safety" now is often not linked to reality very well and in fact things have gotten much much safer since our parent's time, but perception of safety has shifted for a lot of reasons I'm sure but partly because we have access to SO much media. I guess I'm just surprised you say the suburbs where most live are simply dangerous. We live in Arlington and kids definitely have a lot of free range to go around our neighborhoods (maybe not as early as they used to before, but starting in maybe 3rd grade) and it seems perfectly safe in the large scheme of things. My in-laws live in Burke and the kids DEFINITELY roam free around the neighborhood. All seems safe.

Note this is obviously a privilege, just addressing that you say the suburbs most live in are unsafe and I'm not sure I understand that

House after house are empty in our neighborhood because of dual working parents. There’s no one around like there used to be. Crime is on the rise. Suburban life doesn’t feel safe anymore.

This is not the case in our neighborhood in Arlington, or in the neighborhood I frequent in Burke that I mentioned. Especially with so many parents working from home now. Covid has really helped things in that regard I think (in more privileged communities). And it sounds like you may be falling into the trap of what you perceive as things being more dangerous than actually looking at the stats. The quote at the end of the trailer (I haven't watched the documentary) rings true to me "Worrying doesn't prevent death, it prevents life." Brene brown has a similar quote something like rehearsing tragedy doesn't actually prevent tragedy, it prevents us from feeling joy. I linked an article on it below. The others are a little dated but talk a little about this phenomenon of folks perception of safety being incredibly off - things are way safer for kids now than in much of history. Half as much crime as there was 25 years ago. HALF. Stay off social media more and you'll feel much better (helped me a lot)

https://www.vox.com/2015/5/4/8546497/crime-rate-america

https://theworld.org/stories/2014-10-23/world-actually-safer-ever-and-heres-data-prove

https://www.purewow.com/wellness/dress-rehearsing-tragedy (lol I realize purewow isn't some great source, this is just an opinion piece)

I struggle with this because I have an only child. She does tons of independent play and always has, out of necessity. I never feel like she gets enough time playing with other kids and am always looking for ways to do more of this. She's shy and has trouble initiating friendships/playing with others. So I default to organized activities often because it's a way to ensure she is doing things with other kids.

There are kids (a little older than her) who do free play in our neighborhood, but it's not super common. You mostly just see younger kids with parents and I assume older kids are in after school activities somewhere.

I like the idea of joining an organization like a church for community, but we are not religious. I know there are churches that are not super religious. I guess I'm kind of like my daughter too -- a little reserved and nervous about asking to join a group.

All of this has been so compounded by Covid. We used to socialize so much more, with so many more kinds of people, and our DD always came along and had lots of chances to meet other kids of varying backgrounds and ages and they were always encouraged to play on their own together. Our social group has shrunk, though, and our gatherings are much more planned and structured these days. I do not have that feeling I used to have like our circle was expansive and growing. It's isolating for all of us.

I do agree with a lot of the principles of the movie though. I am just struggling with how to apply them within my actual life and community.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the elementary school aged kids we know who don’t do organized sports stat home and play video games. That is NOT “free play”.

I also find this subject tiresome. We don’t live in the same world we did when my mother was a kid and summers and after-school involved going outside and playing in the creek, sledding, building tree forts, etc. Most of us live in over-developed suburbs or cities where free range is simply dangerous.

Why is it unsafe? I'm totally with you that some things have shifted and that's ok. But I've also read that people's perception of "safety" now is often not linked to reality very well and in fact things have gotten much much safer since our parent's time, but perception of safety has shifted for a lot of reasons I'm sure but partly because we have access to SO much media. I guess I'm just surprised you say the suburbs where most live are simply dangerous. We live in Arlington and kids definitely have a lot of free range to go around our neighborhoods (maybe not as early as they used to before, but starting in maybe 3rd grade) and it seems perfectly safe in the large scheme of things. My in-laws live in Burke and the kids DEFINITELY roam free around the neighborhood. All seems safe.

Note this is obviously a privilege, just addressing that you say the suburbs most live in are unsafe and I'm not sure I understand that

House after house are empty in our neighborhood because of dual working parents. There’s no one around like there used to be. Crime is on the rise. Suburban life doesn’t feel safe anymore.

Crime is on the rise in major cities. Please show me data that it’s unsafe for kids to be running around suburban neighborhoods. Like I said above, in my neighborhood in the DC area, kids definitely run around and play with one another.

I accompany my 5 year old, because she’s only 5, but I’ll give you an example of a typical weekend day: On Sunday, we went out to the playground a couple blocks from our house. She found some kids to play with. I made friends with the mom, and we exchanged numbers. Then my daughter showed me her “secret shortcut” back to our house (which really just entailed cutting through some condo buildings, but she thought it was super secret and fun). We ended up at the playground right behind our house, where one of her friends was playing. They played for awhile while I talked to the girl’s dad. Then we went inside because it was dinner time.

The older kids in the neighborhood do something very similar, just without their parents accompanying them.

This reminds me of the movie Babies that came out 10-15 years ago. Watching American baby was just so depressing compared to the adventurous lives babies in other parts of the world were leading.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the elementary school aged kids we know who don’t do organized sports stat home and play video games. That is NOT “free play”.

I also find this subject tiresome. We don’t live in the same world we did when my mother was a kid and summers and after-school involved going outside and playing in the creek, sledding, building tree forts, etc. Most of us live in over-developed suburbs or cities where free range is simply dangerous.

Why is it unsafe? I'm totally with you that some things have shifted and that's ok. But I've also read that people's perception of "safety" now is often not linked to reality very well and in fact things have gotten much much safer since our parent's time, but perception of safety has shifted for a lot of reasons I'm sure but partly because we have access to SO much media. I guess I'm just surprised you say the suburbs where most live are simply dangerous. We live in Arlington and kids definitely have a lot of free range to go around our neighborhoods (maybe not as early as they used to before, but starting in maybe 3rd grade) and it seems perfectly safe in the large scheme of things. My in-laws live in Burke and the kids DEFINITELY roam free around the neighborhood. All seems safe.

Note this is obviously a privilege, just addressing that you say the suburbs most live in are unsafe and I'm not sure I understand that

House after house are empty in our neighborhood because of dual working parents. There’s no one around like there used to be. Crime is on the rise. Suburban life doesn’t feel safe anymore.