Dumb questions: Is paternity leave paid or unpaid? What kind of job? Corporate or federal government? I have a DS in health care and can’t imagine him receiving that much time away from the job…

Maybe he stays at home for the first few weeks goes back to work and then takes the rest of his leave after you go back to work.

I would
Encourage him to take the full leave as even he doesn’t think he can help too much with a newborn, he sure can help with the other 2.

He took the first week off, then worked shortened days for a week or two. After I went back to work he took 3wks of parental leave and was DC's primary caretaker. He absolutely loved it.

Anonymous wrote:I still can’t believe paternity leave is a thing. Do others have to pick up his slack when he’s gone? Does it take two people to care for a baby? My kids were born on a Tuesday and a Wednesday. DH was back at work Monday each time.

That’s not the brag you think it is.

You have to figure this stuff out before you’re pregnant. Before I agreed to have a second I made sure DH was going to take paternity leave. He understood that not taking it meant no second kid.

I have had 3 kids and DH took paternity leave with all of them. He took 4 weeks with kids 1 and 2 and then I think 3 weeks with kid 3 but it was the middle of the pandemic so he was home regardless. And he made partner at his law firm a year later so it didn’t hurt him one bit!

Anonymous wrote:I don't like my husband so when our (surprise) 3rd arrived I wanted him to go back to work asap. I think he stayed home for 5 days. It was so much better when he was gone!

Why are you having multiple kids with someone you don't like?

I don't like my husband so when our (surprise) 3rd arrived I wanted him to go back to work asap. I think he stayed home for 5 days. It was so much better when he was gone!

Yes mine took it (for a few weeks at the beginning with me and then as an extension after my leave). I would have had a major issue with him not doing this, equity-wise.

Oh your job is judging you for it? Welcome to the patriarchy friend!! This thing you’re going to do anyway is how we normalize the fact that both men and women parent.

Anonymous wrote:I still can’t believe paternity leave is a thing. Do others have to pick up his slack when he’s gone? Does it take two people to care for a baby? My kids were born on a Tuesday and a Wednesday. DH was back at work Monday each time.

Go back to the 1950s and stay there!

Yes, mine took 12 weeks (fed). It was so important. He even got some subtle pushback at work from an older male supervisor, but honestly, who cares? Anyone who would think less of a man for taking paternity leave is surely a dying breed.

We had our baby before paternity/paid parental leave was widespread but he used 4-5 weeks of regular annual leave. Absolutely worth it. The resentment would have been out of this world if he hadn't been home with his child to learn how to take care of a baby.

Anonymous wrote:I still can’t believe paternity leave is a thing. Do others have to pick up his slack when he’s gone? Does it take two people to care for a baby? My kids were born on a Tuesday and a Wednesday. DH was back at work Monday each time.

Shut up.

15 years ago DH took a week when our son was born and then took 8 weeks when I went back to work full time. Our nanny started when DH went back to work. It helped delay nanny costs a bit and gave us that extra time with him. But most importantly it gave my FH and my son time alone. By the end of that time they were firmly bonded, and they still are. And I knew, after DH having cared for him alone for 8 weeks, that he was a fully capable and participating parent. That made me catch myself when I started to assume my way of doing things was better than DH’s, and recognize it was just different. It was a tremendous source of reassurance.

I still can’t believe paternity leave is a thing. Do others have to pick up his slack when he’s gone? Does it take two people to care for a baby? My kids were born on a Tuesday and a Wednesday. DH was back at work Monday each time.