First I would withhold the video games and also limit alone time in room. Then I’d insist one physical and one non-physical activity but they wouldn’t have to be team sports. Ideally at least one would involve some social interaction (playing in band instead of taking solo lessons).

That said, my husband and I didn’t play team sports growing up and regret we hadn’t been pushed or had parental support, after seeing how beneficial it has been for our kids. This is at the rec level.

It’s necessary, activities help with stress.

Anonymous wrote:NP.. all good suggestions, and I will add...

From the mouth of my now 16 yr old, unathletic DS.. "I wish you (the parent, me) had pushed me more to stick to a sport when I was younger. When I'm a parent, I'm going to make my kid do at least one sport".

DS said that almost all the boys do a sport, and that's how they bond. He is doing one sport now, but he's not as good at it as other kids his age because he started late. It was difficult to find a sport he was halfway decent at, but part of it was that he was a late bloomer. So, it's a bit of a catch-22.

I didn't want to be one of *those* parents who pushed their kids, but IMO, some kids just need a bit of pushing.

Other than that, agree with Scouts. DS at least stuck with that, and now is an Eagle Scout.

I totally agree. My parents didn't push me either (they signed me up for things and let me bail out after a few months) and I missed out a lot socially in high school bc that's how a lot of people met new people, also didn't get into regular exercise until my 20s and realized that I missed a lot of that physical confidence and discipline that structured sports gives you. My kids aren't into ball sports either, and do dance and gymnastics. They enjoy moving their bodies in a way that I honestly never did bc I wasn't pushed.

I absolutely force my kids - or would, if they required forcing, which they don't. They are gymnastics and dance kids, so when there isn't dance team during school, they take classes, which are usually once a week each so aren't a huge commitment.

At the high school level there are so many clubs, sports and activities I feel like if a kid can't find an activity amongst the multitude, they are just refusing out of stubbornness and probably a raging video game addiction. I have friends with "nerdy" gamer kids and they play DD and Magic at comic/game shops, or they are into anime and cosplay and go to anime cons. Not my bag, but its creative and an interest. Chess, debate, non athletic sports like golf, art/cooking/creative writing/theater classes at the local community center, a regular skateboarding class or session at our local indoor skate park. Volunteer. Get a job. Battle of the Books if middle school or younger. Just listing all the things my friends kids and my kids friends do that isn't necessarily a team sport.

Video games is a huge waste of time. Time doesn't have to be productive all of the time, there is a place for mindless fun, but I refuse to raise a boring loser.

I'd tell my kid they have to pick something after school, through school in the fall. And that they must pick something from now through the summer, and give them the options available to them. I'm all about letting them have control over their lives and I'm not a micronmanager of my kids, but just like some kids need a push to eat healthy, some kids need a push to be more social. COVID was really awful with all the screen time and we have to undo it. Consider it like a diet for the brain.

Anonymous wrote:My kids know they have to do something other than school for their minds and their bodies. They don't have to do team sports or anything formal. But they have to be consistently putting in time for these two things, and either they can pick them or I'll pick for them. Shoot baskets in the driveway for an hour three times a week - that's fine. But pick something, anything.

This as well. We've always done this. You have to do ONE thing each season. Doesn't have to be a sport but, if it's not, then you also have to do some physical activity (run or walks with me, throwing hte ball with dad, etc.)

She didn't like much all through ES: ballet, gymnastics, basketball, soccer . . . liked softball for awhile. But then found a sport she loved in 6th/7th and has stuck with that. She also is now more willing to try other clubs at school. Part of that is me nudging/expecting it and part of it is she realizes it's beneficial for her personally and for college.

But the point is, the expectation was clearly communicated to her at an early age and we held her to it.

NP.. all good suggestions, and I will add...

From the mouth of my now 16 yr old, unathletic DS.. "I wish you (the parent, me) had pushed me more to stick to a sport when I was younger. When I'm a parent, I'm going to make my kid do at least one sport".

DS said that almost all the boys do a sport, and that's how they bond. He is doing one sport now, but he's not as good at it as other kids his age because he started late. It was difficult to find a sport he was halfway decent at, but part of it was that he was a late bloomer. So, it's a bit of a catch-22.

I didn't want to be one of *those* parents who pushed their kids, but IMO, some kids just need a bit of pushing.

Other than that, agree with Scouts. DS at least stuck with that, and now is an Eagle Scout.

Give him a handful of choices and explain the balance is tied to his access to gaming. Can be a sport that suits him, an activity like music lessons or acting or art lessons, can be a charity project or volunteering. Something.

In my family, I don’t force, dh does. Now kids are older, and it seems they appreciate dh more for forcing them doing things they disliked. It takes efforts and hard work to achieve. There are self motivated kids who understand this, but majority youngsters don’t.

Anonymous wrote:I think I would require some kind of extracurricular each season. It’s part of learning about the world. There are always service things, like food banks. Also, asking them to cook dinner a week for the family.

I think sometjing like this would be appropriate, but forcing them to try out for something is just asking for fights and self-esteem issues, especially if they will need lessons first and are not athletically inclined. Gaming can give them a good amount of healthy interaction, but I completely understand wanting them to do more. Requireing them to get out of their room and engage with real live people is the important part, and by allowing them to have a say in what they do will get you MUCH more engagment, even if it's just an option between two things you think they might be okay with. "Do you want to volunteer at the food bank or take a cooking class?" My DC participated in a wide variety of activities, got exposure to a lot of options. He now enjoys art and science and music, but those Karate and soccer experiences were NOT for him! (now 18 and finishing freshman year of college).

Anonymous wrote:But, ppl are acting like kids can't be healthy and active without organized activities. Or like screen time limits aren't an option.

I think parents of kids who are choosing to jog, take hikes, get a job, work on art projects, practice an instrument, play pick up basketball in their spare time are probably not demanding that their kids do something. This is the thread for those of us who have kids sitting around sullenly waiting for their next screen time or sitting around sullenly with no access to screens. I absolutely think kids can be happy without organized activities, but if they are doing nothing, they need a push to do something.

But, ppl are acting like kids can't be healthy and active without organized activities. Or like screen time limits aren't an option.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in camp, you have to do something in-person and you have to get some kind of exercise. So that could be dungeons and dragons club and roller skating, it doesn't have to be something amazing for your college applications, it just has to be something with in person human contact and something where you move your body.

OP’s title: “forcing” just sounds wrong. As if “forcing your child to eat vegetables instead of candy all day is somehow wrong.

Yes OP, you really need to “force” your teen to lead a healthy life.

Force away.

I'm in camp, you have to do something in-person and you have to get some kind of exercise. So that could be dungeons and dragons club and roller skating, it doesn't have to be something amazing for your college applications, it just has to be something with in person human contact and something where you move your body.

I told my activity-resistant teen that he had do *something* outside of school for health and mental well being. He opted to play guitar, taking private lessons, and learned to play golf, something that started with his grandfather. He didn't do either of these at school but got enjoyment out of them and they are things he can do for his whole life. We also required participation in a monthly community service activity as a family (until covid stopped that). And, a job in summer (or time-consuming EC) is a requirement.

Tone and approach is all wrong.

“Forcing teen” - into a healthy activity recommended by virtually everyone?

That sounds like good parenting. Michelle Obama would agree.

The alternative is: let teen do whatever they want, including waste all their free time on video games and social media.

Your choice.