We need to know if they're still in contact and whether she has good reason to think he still loves her or whether she's a nut.

But as someone who left my marriage to be with my AP after a 6-year affair, I will say it is possible to love a spouse but more as family rather than a lover. You can have a very good, calm, happy, but platonic relationship, which in a lot of ways can seem healthy and loving -- but you will always yearn for that romantic component. I think that's human nature. Those of you with husbands who actually desire you take that for granted while patting yourselves on the back for your high morals (and some of you probably deny your husbands the desire they'd like to feel). If OP and her AP are still in love, I think they should divorce and plan a life together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all the hate people with APs get on this forum. Look, clearly, they are looking for advice, why jump on them and start saying narcissist?

That being said, OP, are you now willing to leave your marriage? If you are, then divorce, and see what the AP is up to. Otherwise, don't, because you know it will spiral out of control...

Absolutely horrible advice. Stay out of his marriage. If he cut her off then she needs to respect that. There is a reason he hasn't contacted and since he's a dude it's because he used it and is done with it. The thrill is gone.

Yeah she is a really great person :

"I love my spouse and our relationship is better than ever. There are kids involved on both sides."

Yet I want to harm my spouse, some other spouse and two sets of kids, blow up two households. You know, because I love my spouse and our relationship is better than ever.

Such a troll post.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all the hate people with APs get on this forum. Look, clearly, they are looking for advice, why jump on them and start saying narcissist?

That being said, OP, are you now willing to leave your marriage? If you are, then divorce, and see what the AP is up to. Otherwise, don't, because you know it will spiral out of control...

Absolutely horrible advice. Stay out of his marriage. If he cut her off then she needs to respect that. There is a reason he hasn't contacted and since he's a dude it's because he used it and is done with it. The thrill is gone.

I don't understand all the hate people with APs get on this forum. Look, clearly, they are looking for advice, why jump on them and start saying narcissist?

That being said, OP, are you now willing to leave your marriage? If you are, then divorce, and see what the AP is up to. Otherwise, don't, because you know it will spiral out of control...

You are not in love with your AP, you are in infatuation with them

OP you know you are extremely selfish, right? I am also guessing narcissistic personality traits (everything is about you, your AP still loves you, etc.). You need therapy yesterday. Be better. Your spouse and kids deserve way better.

OP get therapy. You are a narcissist or have borderline personality disorder. The fact you have not learned empathy for your actions and what it could do to your husband/kids, the immense harm/trauma to another woman, children, family shows what a cold and calculated person who has had zero self-reflection over three years.

A supremely selfish person ugly on the inside.

Getting over people is difficult but try not to wreck a bunch of lives. It’s OK to carry heartache around, think of it as your punishment for the infidelity.

If you truly love your ex-AP, leave him alone. Love is an act of giving, and you are giving him the space for him to be a father and better husband to his betrayed wife.

Enjoy the memories, know that no relationship lasts forever and start a gratitude journal, starting with the gratitude your husband is good to you and your situation is stable.

And to the others, of course OP is female, Men don't think like this 3 years later, which is OP's assurance that her ex-AP has moved on.

I am so glad I am not your DH. How devastating for him (and your kids) that you are even entertaining these thoughts.

^ “I will not be ignored, Dan.”

Glenn Close acting crazy, ex AP.

Hide the bunnies.

OP, your actions are a choice
"Being in love" is also a choice

Do the right thing

3 years ago? He barely remembers her now. Dudes are like this. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone think the OP is a female?

Because men pump and dump.

Only 2% want anything to do with the woman after it’s over …and they would have left the wife.

Women will romanticize anything and read a whole lot more into everything.

That, and the fact 98% of this board is female. And then there is sexless marriage guy.

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone think the OP is a female?

So, OP, come back and tell us: Man or woman?
Still in contact with the ex-AP?
What did improving your marriage look like--couples counseling etc. or just giving up AP? Asking seriously, OP, not with snark.