Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 22:16     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We discussed keeping the inheritance separate but spouse was adamant that we commingle it. We have a strong marriage and I think there is gratitude that I have been the primary wage earner for our entire marriage. That’s a good idea to pump up the 529 since our daughter has been talking about graduate school. She hasn’t decided but it would be good to begin funding that. We could always transfer it to a grandchild if necessary. If we were to take nicer vacations I would have to reduce savings. That would be hard for me but I guess our kid will only be with us a few more years so it’s probably worth it.

I appreciate the reassurance that early retirement is not the answer here. I didn’t think so. And I don’t really want to retire yet.

Have you discussed this with an estate attorney? This isn't just about your strong marriage. What happens if your spouse passes before you, and you remarry someone with kids? If you don't comingle, the funds can be put into a trust that you can access for as long as you live and then transfer to your kids. If you don't, you'll have to figure this out in a pre-nup or in your will. Much easier to figure this out now by not comingling.


I commingled a smaller but six-figure inheritance some years ago without any hesitation. I don't really care what happens to the money if I'm dead; I didn't do a thing to earn it, my parents didn't earn it (it came from my grandparents), and my spouse knew and loved them, too, so why should I be the only person who gets any of it? If my grandparents wanted to make sure any and every dollar they left me went to my children and only my children, they'd have left it to my children in trust. They didn't. I understand there are logical reasons not to commingle assets like this, but people on here act like it's absolutely insane to even consider doing it. I really strongly disagree.

That's fine for you...but a lot of people don't consider the chain of events I described above (inheriting spouse passes and surviving spouse remarries). Maybe OP will decide she doesn't care about this scenario (or OP's spouse will). But OP only alluded to having a "strong marriage", not to having thought through these issues...so it seems like a reasonable piece of advice to offer.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 22:11     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We discussed keeping the inheritance separate but spouse was adamant that we commingle it. We have a strong marriage and I think there is gratitude that I have been the primary wage earner for our entire marriage. That’s a good idea to pump up the 529 since our daughter has been talking about graduate school. She hasn’t decided but it would be good to begin funding that. We could always transfer it to a grandchild if necessary. If we were to take nicer vacations I would have to reduce savings. That would be hard for me but I guess our kid will only be with us a few more years so it’s probably worth it.

I appreciate the reassurance that early retirement is not the answer here. I didn’t think so. And I don’t really want to retire yet.

Have you discussed this with an estate attorney? This isn't just about your strong marriage. What happens if your spouse passes before you, and you remarry someone with kids? If you don't comingle, the funds can be put into a trust that you can access for as long as you live and then transfer to your kids. If you don't, you'll have to figure this out in a pre-nup or in your will. Much easier to figure this out now by not comingling.


I commingled a smaller but six-figure inheritance some years ago without any hesitation. I don't really care what happens to the money if I'm dead; I didn't do a thing to earn it, my parents didn't earn it (it came from my grandparents), and my spouse knew and loved them, too, so why should I be the only person who gets any of it? If my grandparents wanted to make sure any and every dollar they left me went to my children and only my children, they'd have left it to my children in trust. They didn't. I understand there are logical reasons not to commingle assets like this, but people on here act like it's absolutely insane to even consider doing it. I really strongly disagree.


Most people don’t want their money going to their son in law’s second wife’s kids rather than their own grandkids
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 22:10     Subject: Re:Spouse inherited $3 million
I second taking nice vacations. You have plenty and money should serve you, not the other way around. I am not from the USA and one thing that strikes me is how much money people have and how little they enjoy having it. We have a fraction of your savings and I still gladly pay for a nice hotel to enjoy with our family. We are making memories, not money.

Second, I also echo the point about education. It is the greatest gift you can give to your child.

Have fun.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 21:45     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
It isn't really about the money -- but it is about the power of being the decision maker. This DH has made all the monetary decisions all of their married life, establishing the priorities. Spouse now gets to makes these decisions regarding this money.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 21:35     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We discussed keeping the inheritance separate but spouse was adamant that we commingle it. We have a strong marriage and I think there is gratitude that I have been the primary wage earner for our entire marriage. That’s a good idea to pump up the 529 since our daughter has been talking about graduate school. She hasn’t decided but it would be good to begin funding that. We could always transfer it to a grandchild if necessary. If we were to take nicer vacations I would have to reduce savings. That would be hard for me but I guess our kid will only be with us a few more years so it’s probably worth it.

I appreciate the reassurance that early retirement is not the answer here. I didn’t think so. And I don’t really want to retire yet.

Have you discussed this with an estate attorney? This isn't just about your strong marriage. What happens if your spouse passes before you, and you remarry someone with kids? If you don't comingle, the funds can be put into a trust that you can access for as long as you live and then transfer to your kids. If you don't, you'll have to figure this out in a pre-nup or in your will. Much easier to figure this out now by not comingling.


I commingled a smaller but six-figure inheritance some years ago without any hesitation. I don't really care what happens to the money if I'm dead; I didn't do a thing to earn it, my parents didn't earn it (it came from my grandparents), and my spouse knew and loved them, too, so why should I be the only person who gets any of it? If my grandparents wanted to make sure any and every dollar they left me went to my children and only my children, they'd have left it to my children in trust. They didn't. I understand there are logical reasons not to commingle assets like this, but people on here act like it's absolutely insane to even consider doing it. I really strongly disagree.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 21:20     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Anonymous wrote:Spouse needs to get a post-nup. It's his money, not yours.

This is silly. If they don't comingle the funds, it's extremely easy to figure this out. They just need an estate attorney to draw up their wills correctly.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 21:19     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Anonymous wrote:We discussed keeping the inheritance separate but spouse was adamant that we commingle it. We have a strong marriage and I think there is gratitude that I have been the primary wage earner for our entire marriage. That’s a good idea to pump up the 529 since our daughter has been talking about graduate school. She hasn’t decided but it would be good to begin funding that. We could always transfer it to a grandchild if necessary. If we were to take nicer vacations I would have to reduce savings. That would be hard for me but I guess our kid will only be with us a few more years so it’s probably worth it.

I appreciate the reassurance that early retirement is not the answer here. I didn’t think so. And I don’t really want to retire yet.

Have you discussed this with an estate attorney? This isn't just about your strong marriage. What happens if your spouse passes before you, and you remarry someone with kids? If you don't comingle, the funds can be put into a trust that you can access for as long as you live and then transfer to your kids. If you don't, you'll have to figure this out in a pre-nup or in your will. Much easier to figure this out now by not comingling.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 21:14     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Spouse decides
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 20:13     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We discussed keeping the inheritance separate but spouse was adamant that we commingle it. We have a strong marriage and I think there is gratitude that I have been the primary wage earner for our entire marriage. That’s a good idea to pump up the 529 since our daughter has been talking about graduate school. She hasn’t decided but it would be good to begin funding that. We could always transfer it to a grandchild if necessary. If we were to take nicer vacations I would have to reduce savings. That would be hard for me but I guess our kid will only be with us a few more years so it’s probably worth it.

I appreciate the reassurance that early retirement is not the answer here. I didn’t think so. And I don’t really want to retire yet.


I'm not sure I understand the bolded. You would have to reduce your pre-inheritance savings balances? your regular contributions to those savings? Why?

If you are saying it would mean spending some of that "extra" 3M to take a vacation, well of course. But then what even is the question you are asking?


I guess it just feels weird not to save as much as we had been saving before. What I mean is that if I wanted to take nicer vacations, I would need to reduce our current savings levels. I can’t imagine withdrawing from the investments to do so. I guess that wouldn’t make any sense anyway. So I suppose my question is would you reduce your savings goals because you now had more in your investments?


Yes-you should speak to a reputable (fee based) financial planner and get a target number and adjust monthly saving based on your new situation


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 19:19     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would start taking better vacations.

This would be my approach as well. I think my family sounds a lot like OP’s. I’m a Fed, and was the primary earner for maybe 3 of the last 20 years while DH pursued entrepreneurial opportunities. After that, DH has earned from 3 to 10x my salary, which has given us enormous financial freedom. I have sadly ended up with around $2 million inheritance over the years, and never thought about keeping it separate.

Once our retirement and 529s were in good shape, we paid off our mortgage and then contemplated things for a couple of years. We are in the stage now where we are comfortable paying up to $500 a night for a great hotel or resort when we travel, and it’s kind of amazing how many more fun things that brings you than the Motel 6 experiences of our youth. We could add more luxury and sometimes do, but even these baby steps are lovely. The biggest thing we’ll do is both retire by 60, which is obviously much easier if you are a Fed with health insurance options.


$500 a night for a hotel room sounds completely out of reach. We have always been quite frugal. It’s hard to imagine switching from a mindset of savings to loosening up. We really don’t like one of our cars (2010 CR-V) so maybe our first move should be to replace it. I think we would get more enjoyment out of that than a vacation anyway.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 19:03     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Anonymous wrote:I would start taking better vacations.

This would be my approach as well. I think my family sounds a lot like OP’s. I’m a Fed, and was the primary earner for maybe 3 of the last 20 years while DH pursued entrepreneurial opportunities. After that, DH has earned from 3 to 10x my salary, which has given us enormous financial freedom. I have sadly ended up with around $2 million inheritance over the years, and never thought about keeping it separate.

Once our retirement and 529s were in good shape, we paid off our mortgage and then contemplated things for a couple of years. We are in the stage now where we are comfortable paying up to $500 a night for a great hotel or resort when we travel, and it’s kind of amazing how many more fun things that brings you than the Motel 6 experiences of our youth. We could add more luxury and sometimes do, but even these baby steps are lovely. The biggest thing we’ll do is both retire by 60, which is obviously much easier if you are a Fed with health insurance options.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 19:02     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Anonymous wrote:I would start taking better vacations.


This exactly.

Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 18:57     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
We are in an eerily similar situation. We are discussing superfunding our kids’ 529s. We are also setting up IRAs for our kids (one has only worked very part time, but the other make over $6k last year) to help give them a head start.

I also considered reducing our retirement savings (we are maxed out and it hurts tbh) so we could feel like we could cash flow some vacations, but I hadn’t thought about the marital asset situation (inheritance is DH’s).

Obviously it’s a great problem to have - but feels a bit weird when you’re used to being as frugal as possible.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 18:49     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:you will get bored in early retirement. biggest mistake people make.
jut bank the money and live a relaxed life knowing you have the money to relax.


in the bank, not invested? Even with high inflation?


Bank the money just means don't spend it, it doesn't mean literally put in in a bank account
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2022 18:36     Subject: Spouse inherited $3 million
Spouse needs to get a post-nup. It's his money, not yours.