Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 15:06     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
My mom is this way. Wireless earbuds have been a godsend. I just do what I would normally be doing (definitely read DCUM during these, though that can be tricky if it's a really good thread!) and listen. I also know she is lonely and she talks all about past accomplishments. Those I find interesting, at least the first several times. I know it's part low level dementia and part loneliness that mimics dementia, so I just try to be my best. When it started about 10 years ago, it drove me crazy until i finally started understanding what was going on. I adjusted.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 15:03     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.


SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual


She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.

I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.

I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.


70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:

Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!

Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 14:57     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.


SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual


She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.

I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.

I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.


I mean this is it, OP. This is where your mom is. This isn't really a dialogue now. Just let her get everything out. Part of the problem seems to be that you are expecting something different. Think of her like a child or someone whose brain is no longer 100% functional. You may feel softer.

As an aside, I am fully in the count your blessings camp. I love when my mom goes on about the neighbors. Less time to criticize me!


Her brain in no longer functional? Because she talks about her friends? What on earth is wrong with everyone here? Just stop...you all sound like narcissistic idiots.


I would say that the person who talks for 15 straight minutes, interrupts the other person who tries to speak, doesn't listen to the other person's contribution, and fails to ask anything about her adult daughter who is on the phone could be the narcissist. Or an old person whose gray matter is going.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 14:51     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this so I just call when I am doing something else and let her prattle on and mm-hmm and Oh! periodically and she feels heard.


Exactly this.
+1. Put on earbuds and do laundry, wash dishes, etc.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 14:49     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.


SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual


She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.

I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.

I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.


I mean this is it, OP. This is where your mom is. This isn't really a dialogue now. Just let her get everything out. Part of the problem seems to be that you are expecting something different. Think of her like a child or someone whose brain is no longer 100% functional. You may feel softer.

As an aside, I am fully in the count your blessings camp. I love when my mom goes on about the neighbors. Less time to criticize me!


Her brain in no longer functional? Because she talks about her friends? What on earth is wrong with everyone here? Just stop...you all sound like narcissistic idiots.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 14:46     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.


SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual


She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.

I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.

I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.


I mean this is it, OP. This is where your mom is. This isn't really a dialogue now. Just let her get everything out. Part of the problem seems to be that you are expecting something different. Think of her like a child or someone whose brain is no longer 100% functional. You may feel softer.

As an aside, I am fully in the count your blessings camp. I love when my mom goes on about the neighbors. Less time to criticize me!
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 14:27     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.


SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual


She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.

I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.

I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 13:42     Subject: Re:It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
I can completely relate, OP. I'm so thankful for phones so I can roll my eyes while she goes on and on in detail about something she's already told me 20 times. I also try to call her while doing something else. I don't know why these pp's are going on about how we should be more empathetic (makes me want to get the ironing done while I read the same response over and over here- ha!) Of course we love and care for our Moms, that's why we continue to call and check in daily. We're just commiserating here on DCUM.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 13:33     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:... That I'm not interested in which specific loads of laundry she did this morning in what order or what her neighbor's dog likes to eat or how Sally from church (oh you didn't ever know her?) was planning on going to Israel but her flight got moved and now she's not sure if she'll be able to catch up with the tour and she may scrap the trip all together but she wants to go before she turns 60.

Changing the subject doesn't seem to work very well.


No. Learn to converse about things you are not interested in. I'm sure you do it for others, do it for your mom.

Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 11:50     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.


SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 11:48     Subject: Re:It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Is your mom retired? Does she live alone? The pandemic may have worsened an already limited social calendar. Maybe help your mother find activities and social interaction she will enjoy — not for the sake of more interesting conversations, but because her life sounds pretty dull.


No it doesn't. This is everyone's everyday life. I just had lunch with three women , all attorneys, one is a PMP. We talked about our kids, AC best brands, the price of vacations this summer. It's called life.

Who are you, James Bond?
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 08:59     Subject: Re:It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Is your mom retired? Does she live alone? The pandemic may have worsened an already limited social calendar. Maybe help your mother find activities and social interaction she will enjoy — not for the sake of more interesting conversations, but because her life sounds pretty dull.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 08:55     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
I get it OP. My mother is a talkative extrovert and will talk for 15 minutes literally non-stop about her bingo game or something. I’m an introvert and do find it exhausting. I just say “oh really” periodically try to take an interest in things which are important to her.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 08:50     Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
This is part of aging, OP.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 08:49     Subject: Re:It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:I hope all your conversations with your own friends are scintillating, relevant, and on point with the relative universal energy that is full of the vitality of being so charming and whatever age you are. Yet, I'll bet they are about carpool, or your washing machine breaking, a house you saw, the next trip, that teacher in Larla's school, your neighbors who always _______, or whatever. And your friends talk to you about the same thing which doesn't seem weird in the least.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, about your examples of what your mother talks to you about seem weird or remotely inappropriate. You seem to think it is. Why is that? What exactly is your preference?

Your mother talks to you. Get over yourself. One of the saddest posts today, but, yes, not the only one. You probably have plenty of company.


x1000 Well said, PP.