Anonymous wrote:Guess my kids are outcasts cause I never thought like this. Or sought to “establish myself with other moms” for kids’ sake.

I spend time with people I like and whose company I enjoy. When kids came along, it became easier to meet up with friends with kids, cause we’d end up at a playground or someone’s backyard, rather than clubbing on a Saturday night or having a long brunch on Sunday. But I still kept touch with childless friends, for a movie or drink, or just over for dinner. So friendships do shift, but it was never such a conscious choice like you’re making.

+1000. "establish myself with other moms" makes me gag. I'm a woman, who has had children. I am a person fundamentally and I don't need my identity to be based around my spawn. I focus on maintaining my relationships with the people who matter most. We don't always have the same situations, but we all try to take time and we connect regardless of kids. Frankly, I liked becoming a mom later in life and appreciated the guidance of my actual friends, but "mom friends" makes me cringe. HARD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

So you would risk leaving your kids as outcast just for your own friendships that would probably accept you back after the childhood years. Your child’s school years are temporary and you can get back to old friends later.

Uh, no. You can make new friends and keep the old. Ditching your old friends assuming you can pick back with them later means you are a shitty friend

Im not shitty for prioritizing my kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

So you would risk leaving your kids as outcast just for your own friendships that would probably accept you back after the childhood years. Your child’s school years are temporary and you can get back to old friends later.

Uh, no. You can make new friends and keep the old. Ditching your old friends assuming you can pick back with them later means you are a shitty friend

Guess my kids are outcasts cause I never thought like this. Or sought to “establish myself with other moms” for kids’ sake.

I spend time with people I like and whose company I enjoy. When kids came along, it became easier to meet up with friends with kids, cause we’d end up at a playground or someone’s backyard, rather than clubbing on a Saturday night or having a long brunch on Sunday. But I still kept touch with childless friends, for a movie or drink, or just over for dinner. So friendships do shift, but it was never such a conscious choice like you’re making.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

This sums up my thoughts so much more eloquently than I could.

+1.

+2.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

So you would risk leaving your kids as outcast just for your own friendships that would probably accept you back after the childhood years. Your child’s school years are temporary and you can get back to old friends later.

WTF. Here is the mommy martyr, mean girl. It's not a binary thing. You base your life and happiness on thinking your kids would be "outcasts" (very weird you would think this is the case without heavy parental intervention) and want to blame mom for not wanting to base her own friendships around anything other than kids? YIKES!!!

Are you brunch granny?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

This sums up my thoughts so much more eloquently than I could.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

This sums up my thoughts so much more eloquently than I could.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

So you would risk leaving your kids as outcast just for your own friendships that would probably accept you back after the childhood years. Your child’s school years are temporary and you can get back to old friends later.

Why would your kid be an outcast?! You can be social with other moms but make more of an effort to keep your real friends.

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

This!

*meant to say our kids aren’t friends anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

So you would risk leaving your kids as outcast just for your own friendships that would probably accept you back after the childhood years. Your child’s school years are temporary and you can get back to old friends later.

Pp here. I was on the pta board, did scouts, room mom, yearbook, swim team, tennis team, soccer snacks, you name it, I did it. My kids are very much part of our community.

I didn’t have any real friends to ditch since we moved to VA with a baby and toddler for dh’s work. The mom friends are often fleeting. I did mom’s groups when kids were young. I used to host and attend tons of toddler play dates. Our two closest friends from preschool divorced and moved away or just dropped everyone. There are some friends that I made when kids were younger but our friends aren’t even friends anymore. We moved and so did they. Now they are just my adult friends.

Anonymous wrote:My closest mom friend has 2 kids while I have 3. We used to be super close until her oldest child started being mean to my toddler and put her in danger. Now I don’t want her kid near mine. Because of covid, we have not met up for over 2 years.

When you become mom friends and your kids don’t get along, the friendship also crumbles.

Sounds like a superficial friendship to me. So I vote to sticking to old friends.

Make time for both. At a certain phase old friends are just as valuable for you!

I’ve been thru this and did an awful job at balancing friendships work and kids. I also was the only parent in my friend circle b/c i had them in my 20s. To get through that life stage I met wonderful women and moms along the years. Some of them
have stayed in my life, and some I have realized we bonded only over parenthood. Make time for both! Years later I have found myself circling back to some of my oldest friends (no one judged me) and we are like sisters. I absolutely regret letting many friendships go that were more about me and who I was not as a mom if that makes sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

So you would risk leaving your kids as outcast just for your own friendships that would probably accept you back after the childhood years. Your child’s school years are temporary and you can get back to old friends later.