Anonymous wrote:I just left my former phone after 5.25 years, which is longer than most but shorter than others. Am I a commitment phone? I admit, it was an upgrade though, my phone is way more attractive is in much better shape.

This comment did not get the attention it deserved.

Anonymous wrote:Okay stop with the phone jokes, you know OP meant phobe and I want to read real answers.

Actually, the answer is so obvious that the phone proxy answers make the most sense, and let's get real about that. Why is this even a question?

Op is wondering about someone who won't commit. Really? This is up for discussion...why? What is wrong with OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did and it only worked because early on I made it clear I wouldn’t tolerate hemming and hawing.

We dated for about 4 months and he was on the fence about committing. So I broke up with him.

A year later he reached out. He had done a bunch of therapy. Gave him another shot, and while he officially committed, he struggled with the real commitment stuff. Like when I asked if my DD and I could use his pool, he said it “stressed him out”. Broke up with him again after that.

He did more therapy and was ready to commit after that. I made him work for it while also dating other men. He showed me that he could fully commit, so I gave him another chance. Got married and had a kid, still together and happy.

I definitely wouldn’t stay and try to persuade someone to commit. I make it very clear, they need to either sh!t or get off the pot, im not wasting my time.

Was he aware you were dating other men?

Yup. Let him know I wasn’t going to put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak, because I didn’t know if he was going to get wishy washy again.

Anonymous wrote:I did and it only worked because early on I made it clear I wouldn’t tolerate hemming and hawing.

We dated for about 4 months and he was on the fence about committing. So I broke up with him.

A year later he reached out. He had done a bunch of therapy. Gave him another shot, and while he officially committed, he struggled with the real commitment stuff. Like when I asked if my DD and I could use his pool, he said it “stressed him out”. Broke up with him again after that.

He did more therapy and was ready to commit after that. I made him work for it while also dating other men. He showed me that he could fully commit, so I gave him another chance. Got married and had a kid, still together and happy.

I definitely wouldn’t stay and try to persuade someone to commit. I make it very clear, they need to either sh!t or get off the pot, im not wasting my time.

Was he aware you were dating other men?

I did and it only worked because early on I made it clear I wouldn’t tolerate hemming and hawing.

We dated for about 4 months and he was on the fence about committing. So I broke up with him.

A year later he reached out. He had done a bunch of therapy. Gave him another shot, and while he officially committed, he struggled with the real commitment stuff. Like when I asked if my DD and I could use his pool, he said it “stressed him out”. Broke up with him again after that.

He did more therapy and was ready to commit after that. I made him work for it while also dating other men. He showed me that he could fully commit, so I gave him another chance. Got married and had a kid, still together and happy.

I definitely wouldn’t stay and try to persuade someone to commit. I make it very clear, they need to either sh!t or get off the pot, im not wasting my time.

I dated my now DH for 7 years before he proposed. Like a PP, when *I* wanted to get married, he proposed immediately. We’re in year 14 of marriage with two kids.

But - he is like this for EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. Anything that is a long term commitment (cars, furniture, whatever) he can’t commit. I kind of wish I would have known what this meant for every day life (we met when I was just out of college).

I gotta be honest, amusing responses to typos really crack me up. They make a lot of threads worth the effort of reading them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay stop with the phone jokes, you know OP meant phobe and I want to read real answers.

This

You both need to ease up. If you can’t take some DCUM humor, this isn’t the place for you.

Anonymous wrote:Okay stop with the phone jokes, you know OP meant phobe and I want to read real answers.

This

Okay stop with the phone jokes, you know OP meant phobe and I want to read real answers.

I got into a long term commitment with my current phone but recently its showing signs of aging and I'm considering trading it in for a younger model.

No but I dated one and off for several years. It took him a really long time in a relationship to eventually marry someone else. From time to time he still reaches out to me- neither of us are single. He’s a nice guy but I don’t think I’d ever trust being in a relationship with him long term. That said my sister in laws bf took many years to propose and they seem happy now (not married yet but coming up.)

Op I wouldn't date someone knowing I would most likely waste my time. If one wants commitment and marriage you get that out before the coffee date. Why waste anyone's time?

Yes. My now husband of 20 years hemmed and hawed for years before finally, casually, on his way to the kitchen, asking if we should just go ahead and bite the bullet. In our case there was an imposed deadline as my US work visa was running out the following year and I would have had to leave the country if we didn't marry, and he fears moving more than he fears marriage. He's been very committed and loyal to our relationship throughout, he just had a fear of marriage having grown up the child of divorce.

Anonymous wrote:How long did you date? How did you end up eventually getting married?

This goes back more than 24 years, and well, the first real relationship I had was Finnish one. It was the novelty I guess that attracted me, but that initial luster quickly dulled once I came across a younger Japanese one. That was fun, sleek and sexy. Every 10-12 months I would cycle through different ones, repeating the same sequence - I was drawn in by the initial sparkle, that je ne sais quoi, but it was superficial at best once I realized that nothing was fundamentally different.

But then one day, I was totally blown away by a little Canadian beauty. This one could do thing that none of the previous ones could do. It felt like a part of me, and we just fit and clicked like we were meant for each other. I was beyond smitten; I was addicted and head over heels in love. For 4-5 years we were never apart for more than mere minutes. I could not even phathom what life was before we found each other. Even though I knew others were competing for my attention, deep down, I thought this was the one I would be with forever.

Until, I stumbled across this bombshell from California. I mean, I was in awe. Stunningly gorgeous, so smart and intelligent, yet so refined and sexy. There was a deep sense of pride I had when I would show off to my friends - who all confessed their jealousy of me for having snapped this one up so quickly. We've been together for more than 15 years now, and while we've both aged, we've done our best to keep up our appearances, to be our best selves for each other. We've each to upgrade things in our lives from time to time, but it works as we coordinate things so well that we never feel we are letting each other down. It's like we can read each other's minds, predict what will happen, we know how to find each other in the rare event that we are apart for too long. It's quite blissful, and our bond is the deepest I have experienced.

I hope you find that too OP.