My 5 yo is not hugely obsessed with screen time but she does like one particular show on YouTube that I moderate highly under normal circumstances but if she doesn’t listen I give her one warning that if she doesn’t do xyz she’ll lose the show for the entire next day. The key is actually following through. The hardest time was the first time we implemented this because she expected us to cave and we didn’t so there was a lot of crying, but she got through it and now she knows we are serious and it’s become pretty effective.

You and DH need to agree on the boundary and punishment and then enforce it every time, even when it’s hard. The consistency is what makes them listen.
Depending on the severity, my six year old DS loses screen time or dessert for a set number of days. And don’t take her lovey!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Need to establish a level of respect where if you say something needs to be done then she does it. Consequences need to be immediate, 1 warning only maximum. If she’s not listening change it now because it’s not going to just get easier when she’s 16. You also need to catch her being good and focus on that rather than just focusing on everything she does wrong.

Right, so the question is what kind of consequences do you use for this?

We’re working on catching her being good as well.

Depends on what is important to her. I can’t tell you what your kid likes or likes to do that you can take away. I would focus more on what you want her to do. Hey Sally can you please put down the book and bring me the towels from the dryer. If she doesn’t I’d take her to show her exactly what I expected the next time and explain to her why it’s important. Then I’d probably have her help me fold them and let her go back to her toy. No yelling or being mad, teaching and praising her for helping. I’d ask her to do the same task the next day or later that evening. If she did it right away I’d praise her and ask her if she wants to help me or go back to what she is doing. If she doesn’t listen then I’d probably take or end whatever she was doing, explain why listening is important, and have her follow through with getting the laundry. Then I’d have her help me fold AND put away AND whatever she was doing that was distracting her from listening to me wouldn’t be available for the rest of the evening. I would not focus on the taking away though I’d try to thank her for helping me fold and put away laundry and how much I appreciate her help. When we were finished I’d redirect her to something else, ok this isn’t available anymore because you weren’t listening earlier but I really love how you helped me with laundry so you can do x or y. Next time I ask I might not be so nice, because by the 3rd time she knows what the expectation is. If she puts her item down but doesn’t immediately go get the laundry I’d go with her and we’d fold and put away but she could go back to her toy. I think it’s important to teach the expectations before you expect them of her. In a month hopefully you’ve taught her how to fold towels and put them away and she’ll probably offer to help because you’re giving her 1:1 attention during this.

I just give the direction once, then walk over and put my hand lightly on his arm until he looks at me and repeat it. That’s usually enough to make him realize I mean business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 6 we did loss of screen time for X amount of time, loss of dessert, or going to bed 30 mins earlier. I have never taken away my kids lovey, I think that’s mean personally. My DD is 9 now and I’ve still never taken away the lovey. How long does hair styling take that she has to sit for every morning?

This is OP. I also think it’s mean to take away the lovey and I did convince DH to give it back. He does not agree that it is mean, but he did return it and agreed not to use it as a consequence.

It usually takes 5-10 minutes to do her hair, depending on what she asks me to do. I would love to just braid it and be done but it’s really how she expresses herself because she hates her school uniform. So I support that as long as she cooperates.

Time out, send to room, early bed, no electronics.

Just send her to school without her hair done. Her choice.

I do send her to school without her hair done if she doesn’t sit still for it. She gets one warning and usually that’s enough because she hates going to school without her hair done (and so usually is in full tantrum and has to be carried out the door screaming if it happens, but we do it). I was giving that as an example of an effective consequence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Need to establish a level of respect where if you say something needs to be done then she does it. Consequences need to be immediate, 1 warning only maximum. If she’s not listening change it now because it’s not going to just get easier when she’s 16. You also need to catch her being good and focus on that rather than just focusing on everything she does wrong.

Right, so the question is what kind of consequences do you use for this?

We’re working on catching her being good as well.

That’s awesome🦉. I want that juice cup. No. Can I have dessert? No not till I have my corner time or timeout time or essay.

You want to establish authority and you don’t neeed much discipline. You just need consistent discipline and if they’re younger, it’s consistent and repetitive

Is no to the juice cup a consequence or just a show of power? I don’t understand.

Anonymous wrote:What is she into?

Consequences we use for my 6 and 9 yo DDs (because usually they are getting into trouble together) - loss of screen time (they get very little) or treats. Length of time depends on severity of the crime, but usually it’s 2-4 days.

Consequences for just my 6 yo: she loses her jewelry/tiara/princess dresses that she insists are part of her regular wardrobe. So it’ll be like no tiara for three days. Or whatever.

We do not take away bedtime stories, family time, or special items (like prized stuffed animals) - anything that is a comfort item is sacred.

Also… off topic, but perhaps relevant. One of the things that drives me most nuts about my kids - and causes me to lose patience with them - is just *stuff* *everywhere.* So I took a big plastic bin and now anything out of place goes in the bin. They have to empty it every night. Whatever is left in the bin at bedtime is mine for a week. (I’ve very cute tiara collection going.) Keeps me from going insane and having to give punishments.

The bin is a good idea! We somehow have *stuff* under control right now (famous last words!) but I’m going to remember that idea because I know it won’t always be this way!

I hate taking away bedtime stories almost as much as I hate having to hold her down to brush her teeth. But at 6 there is no reason for her to still show that kind of defiance at bedtime (and she rarely does - tonight she did), so there has to be a consequence.

And before someone jumps all over me on that - she has never been a kid who you can make a game out of it or get her to laugh and then will cooperate. Even when she was little she’d laugh with her hand clamped over her mouth so you can’t get the toothbrush in. Or she’ll want to make her own game out of it to guess the password, but then will not give a hint and you can go on guessing forever and never get it right. She’s a tough cookie. My 3yo is totally different. On the rare occasions he doesn’t want to cooperate I just make a funny toothbrush voice and he laughs and we brush teeth. My DD was never like that. Tonight she refused to brush her teeth, and refused to let me brush her teeth, I could not turn her around with a joke, I warned her she would lose books and she still didn’t cooperate, and then I held her and brushed her teeth for her. We have been consistent about this for 4 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 6 we did loss of screen time for X amount of time, loss of dessert, or going to bed 30 mins earlier. I have never taken away my kids lovey, I think that’s mean personally. My DD is 9 now and I’ve still never taken away the lovey. How long does hair styling take that she has to sit for every morning?

This is OP. I also think it’s mean to take away the lovey and I did convince DH to give it back. He does not agree that it is mean, but he did return it and agreed not to use it as a consequence.

It usually takes 5-10 minutes to do her hair, depending on what she asks me to do. I would love to just braid it and be done but it’s really how she expresses herself because she hates her school uniform. So I support that as long as she cooperates.

Time out, send to room, early bed, no electronics.

Just send her to school without her hair done. Her choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Need to establish a level of respect where if you say something needs to be done then she does it. Consequences need to be immediate, 1 warning only maximum. If she’s not listening change it now because it’s not going to just get easier when she’s 16. You also need to catch her being good and focus on that rather than just focusing on everything she does wrong.

Right, so the question is what kind of consequences do you use for this?

We’re working on catching her being good as well.

That’s awesome🦉. I want that juice cup. No. Can I have dessert? No not till I have my corner time or timeout time or essay.

You want to establish authority and you don’t neeed much discipline. You just need consistent discipline and if they’re younger, it’s consistent and repetitive

Anonymous wrote: Need to establish a level of respect where if you say something needs to be done then she does it. Consequences need to be immediate, 1 warning only maximum. If she’s not listening change it now because it’s not going to just get easier when she’s 16. You also need to catch her being good and focus on that rather than just focusing on everything she does wrong.

Right, so the question is what kind of consequences do you use for this?

We’re working on catching her being good as well.

Anonymous wrote:At 6 we did loss of screen time for X amount of time, loss of dessert, or going to bed 30 mins earlier. I have never taken away my kids lovey, I think that’s mean personally. My DD is 9 now and I’ve still never taken away the lovey. How long does hair styling take that she has to sit for every morning?

This is OP. I also think it’s mean to take away the lovey and I did convince DH to give it back. He does not agree that it is mean, but he did return it and agreed not to use it as a consequence.

It usually takes 5-10 minutes to do her hair, depending on what she asks me to do. I would love to just braid it and be done but it’s really how she expresses herself because she hates her school uniform. So I support that as long as she cooperates.

Anonymous wrote:We often take their phone away for a day.

Your 6 year old has a phone?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d YouTube Dr ray Guarendi. It is all about gaining the respect as it’s much easier to deal with defiance at six than when your teens and you only have persuasion to get them to comply

Agree. Looks like he also talks about consequences and follow through, which is what I’m seeking ideas for. I don’t think putting 6 yo in the corner will work. She does sometimes get time outs in her room.

Awesome. I think it’s about the being able to ignore and not constantly having to bring your child back to time out.

It’s about getting your corner or step time even if it’s just a minute. It’s about having authority with your kids.

Now it takes years to get authority and respect but you’re trying to help your youngster do the best they can. Good luck

What is she into?

Consequences we use for my 6 and 9 yo DDs (because usually they are getting into trouble together) - loss of screen time (they get very little) or treats. Length of time depends on severity of the crime, but usually it’s 2-4 days.

Consequences for just my 6 yo: she loses her jewelry/tiara/princess dresses that she insists are part of her regular wardrobe. So it’ll be like no tiara for three days. Or whatever.

We do not take away bedtime stories, family time, or special items (like prized stuffed animals) - anything that is a comfort item is sacred.

Also… off topic, but perhaps relevant. One of the things that drives me most nuts about my kids - and causes me to lose patience with them - is just *stuff* *everywhere.* So I took a big plastic bin and now anything out of place goes in the bin. They have to empty it every night. Whatever is left in the bin at bedtime is mine for a week. (I’ve very cute tiara collection going.) Keeps me from going insane and having to give punishments.

Also, give her advanced warning (you wouldn't like it if people expected you to leap up on their command and stop what you were doing!), use a timer so you're not the one reminding her but the neutral timer is, give her visual charts of what needs to be completed and let her choose the order to do things in, and give lots of praise when she does listen.