Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would always pay for them to vacation with me, if they were going to pay their own way I assume they'd rather fully control the vacation and not go with family. It has nothing to do with what they can afford. On trips with me, they are are my guests.

This... We pay for our married DD and her husband, along with our adult sons. No pressure to attend, but if they are willing to spend vacation time with us, we pay. We've done Europe, WDW and Hilton Head so far.

That’s what we are doing with our adult married kids. We want to pick destinations they actually want to go to. My in-laws chose dilapidated VRBO’s in some hick town and no one wanted to be there.

Anonymous wrote:My parents stopped when we were 16. After that, we paid for all the family vacations.

My husband's parents still occasionally paid for our vacations and we are in our 40s. But we have also sometimes paid for them. We don't pay for each other's travel costs, just for the lodging. They still insist on paying for all food and meals out.

They stopped paying when you were 16?? That’s incredibly stingy. You’re not even a legal adult at that point. Did you stop going on vacations, because I can’t see a minor being able to afford a vacation using babysitting earnings.

Anonymous wrote:My mother and step father paid a couple of times. My father never pays. When he comes, we pay for everything including food. He orders appetizers and add-ons at every meal and often orders the most expensive menu item. One week, I kid you not, he ordered steak for every meal. So we got pizza one night and he noticed the pizza place had a steak topping and had that added to a pizza. I was mad.

Gotta be honest, I might not invite him on any more trips.

Anonymous wrote:I would always pay for them to vacation with me, if they were going to pay their own way I assume they'd rather fully control the vacation and not go with family. It has nothing to do with what they can afford. On trips with me, they are are my guests.

This... We pay for our married DD and her husband, along with our adult sons. No pressure to attend, but if they are willing to spend vacation time with us, we pay. We've done Europe, WDW and Hilton Head so far.

My mother and step father paid a couple of times. My father never pays. When he comes, we pay for everything including food. He orders appetizers and add-ons at every meal and often orders the most expensive menu item. One week, I kid you not, he ordered steak for every meal. So we got pizza one night and he noticed the pizza place had a steak topping and had that added to a pizza. I was mad.

There’s a point where it goes from “family vacation” to gift. When my kids were young and in college I’d cover vacation expenses each and every time we vacationed. When my kids moved on from college, got their own jobs, and began planning their own vacations, I’d make it more explicit: I’d love to travel with you to X and I’ll cover the cost.

Now that my kids gave their own kids, I give a family vacation as a Christmas present, which my kids seem to enjoy. Outside of that, I’d expect they’d cover the costs of their own fare / lodging for any place we traveled together.

I think my parents stopped paying every single thing when in was 18 or so and had some income (although they were still paying my college). But we haven’t really gone on “family vacations” as adults — is always them visiting me or a holiday/family event or (more rarely) me visiting them.

I feel like generally, if you invite someone on a vacation they can’t afford, you have to offer to pay if you want the pleasure of their company.

Always

DH’s mom is estranged and doesn’t travel.

We live overseas, so we would pay for everything except my parents’ own plane tickets - sometimes they’d come here (I’d rent them an Airbnb because our flat isn’t large enough for guests), sometimes we’d go to DC, or we’d meet for a vacation somewhere in between: in all cases we would pay lodging & meals. This relieved them of the burden of feeling like they were spending more money on me vs my brother (who lives close to them and sees them more often).

At this point, it is moot - they’re in a retirement community. My mom can no longer travel & my dad wouldn’t dream of traveling without her. So, we come visit as often as possible.

Through college is acceptable and even paying for accommodations while they are getting set in their careers but not travel to the location. Paying for kids in their late 20s and beyond seems bizarre to me unless you are very wealthy.

I will as long I can afford to.

My oldest two are 26 and 29, and we still pay for them. They now pay for their own souvenirs if they get any though, and will also generally make a couple of meals while on the trip and take care of the younger kids, etc.

My parents stopped when we were 16. After that, we paid for all the family vacations.

My husband's parents still occasionally paid for our vacations and we are in our 40s. But we have also sometimes paid for them. We don't pay for each other's travel costs, just for the lodging. They still insist on paying for all food and meals out.

My parents paid until I graduated college. There were a few bigger trips where they paid for hotels or for the tour. We still travel with my parents once a year, but mostly what we can't afford are the hotels. They like $$$ hotels and dh and I don't really care about accommodations at all. We've often stayed down the street from them instead. Another big issue is that my sister won't travel at all with us and because of that my parents don't want to spend money on a trip for me but not for her.

I pay, and I choose a place that I hope is pleasant and convenient for them. Their time and energy is what we're short of, not money.