Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t really matter how far away they are. Even if they were close you should only be seeing them for major holidays and long breaks.

+1

I live in CA and my DD goes to school on the east coast. I don’t understand why is “materialistic and secular” about that. The colleges here did not have the atmosphere she wanted. It’s far and she misses us (and we miss her), but we remain connected emotionally. I text with her and talk to her several times a week. She looks forward to her visits home, but really enjoys her school. If she could have found the same school here, I suspect she would have preferred to be closer, but it is been a really great maturing experience for her. I think being far away, she can focus on school and making friends there without the temptation of coming home and relaying on mom to figure everything out.

I’m confused why staying closer would be better. Also, what is “materialistic and secular” about a distant school? Genuinely curious as I don’t understand why that phrasing was used.

The way things happened, my best college admit was 8 hours from home (the farthest college I applied to). I think my parents were a little sad about the distance, but they also knew I was going to have an amazing time.

With technology these days, you can see each other as much as you want. And as noted above, there are breaks.

I was in marching band, and we came to one of the colleges in this area not long into my freshman year. My mom and dad came and brought 2 of my friends with them. Maybe there are opportunities like that, too?

Unfortunately it’s a rough transition no matter where they go. Unfortunately for us, it’s not about US. We need to let them enjoy the process and get excited. Hopefully you are giving nothing but positive feedback. They can always transfer if it’s too far for them or not the school they want.

How far is she going?
WA, CA ?

OP, I sorry for your heartbreak. I think that being so close to graduation has all of us realizing this is happening so soon.
You are preparing for a huge change. We all are. And the distance is something you are processing.
Our college freshman is two hours away and that was tough enough. Our senior Is going much farther so I hear you.
Go easy on yourself. And hopefully your DC is starting to get excited.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

I couldn’t disagree more.

Soon we’ll realize that this materialistic, secular pursuit of far-flung colleges was a mistake.

We haven’t figured it out in the past 40 years or so, so I won’t hold my breath.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

I couldn’t disagree more.

Soon we’ll realize that this materialistic, secular pursuit of far-flung colleges was a mistake.

What about immigrants who come from another country to improve their lives and their families' lives? Or are they just too Brown and godless for us to care about them?

They do come home a lot, and in December/Jan will probably be there for 5-6 weeks. You really will see them a good amount😀

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Not my experience at all. I would not send a student with mental health challenges very far, but most kids really do just fine living with peers, far from family. It’s often an exhilarating time. I’m sorry you haven’t had that experience.

That's a normal response, OP. Lots of people feel sad when their kids leave for college, especially if its far away. You love your kid and you'll miss them. You clearly also wants what's best for them, though, so swallow that sadness in front of your kid and encourage them to make the choice that is best for them. Vent to your partner and your friends. It's okay to be sad. Try to be happy and encouraging for your kid, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

For me it was hands down the best decision I ever made, to go some 900 miles away. I went home at Christmas 3 times and home for the summer twice during my college years. No one came out to visit me except at graduation.

Anxiety runs deep in my family. I have had a much more stable life than any of my siblings, who all stayed close to home for college and in the years afterwards. Being far away and relying on myself was a great experience and helped me develop as a person.

I thought I would be sad but it's really okay. Mine also are far and I thought I would cry my eyes out when they left, but I was more excited and happy. I'm not sure we would see them that much more if they were closer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

I couldn’t disagree more.

Soon we’ll realize that this materialistic, secular pursuit of far-flung colleges was a mistake.