Currently expecting #3. My older 2 will be in K and 2nd next fall, which is when baby will be starting daycare. Can’t comment on the actual experience of it all yet, but this is why a lot of people I know have a gap between #2 and #3.

But if money is no issue and you otherwise want to keep them close in age, I’ve seen people sign the oldest up for part time preschool (maybe 9 am - 1/2pm) and have a nanny home with the younger 2 until the afternoon. Then nanny does preschool pickup. Which to me seems like a lot with 2 other kids in tow, but a competent nanny can manage.

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t realize people with 3 kids need 2 nannies. Wow.

Why wow? If you have three under 5 who need full time care during the day the nanny is comparable in price to daycare but makes your life dramatically easier.

Our path has been:

When #1 was born, DH and I both worked full time with an hour commute into the city.

DD was in a daycare center from about 8:30am-6pm every day.

Right before #2 (DS) was born, we moved to a lower cost of living area and were able to convert our jobs to remote positions.

DD moved to a nanny share during the day for about six-ish months for the end of my pregnancy and my maternity leave and was in care outside of the house for a similar number of hours. When DS was born, we hired a nanny who watched DD and DS in our home while we worked.

We had #3 (DD2) about two years later. Still working full time from home.

Nanny stayed with us until DD2 was about 9 months old and quit for a different opportunity. All three moved into the same daycare (this was kind of an emergency childcare fix at the time as we weren't expecting nanny to quit.

About three months later DD1 was supposed to start K but we held her back because it was fall of 2020 and COVID and put her in a preschool. DS and DD2 stayed at the daycare, which was lovely actually we were so lucky to have landed there. They only had so many open spots because they had opened the week before we called after shutting down for COVID.

So we did a year with DD in a prek and the other two in daycare, two drop offs and pickups, all able done in less than a half hour. That summer she was in summer camp then DS started at that prek this last year and she went to K and does aftercare there. So now we have bus to k, drop off DS at prek and DD2 at daycare. It has been challenging with the three drop offs. Next year DS will be in K with aftercare with his sister but DD2 will still be at daycare, its going to be amazing and SO CHEAP. Only one drop off in the morning and EVERYONE in full time care for the day (the prek they have been in has no aftercare so we've had a kid home in the afternoon for a couple years).

The 2.5 years with the full time nanny were the most expensive, paying about 40k+ a year in childcare (we live in a lower cost of living area than DC). I think this year we're down to like 30k? And next year it will be like 20k and will feel downright luxurious!

Childcare is challenging, working from home changed our lives in that it made it substantially more manageable and cut at the margins of time that were lost when we were in DC. With commuting, I saw DD1 like maybe two hours of awake time a day, if that, during the workweek. With the other two I could see them whenever I wanted while the nanny was here. And even with them all being back in full time care, they are all home by 5:15 instead of 6:30 and that adds up! More than an hour a day and now that no one is a little baby anymore that means almost 3 hours at night with DD3 and 4 with DD1 and DS.

I didn’t realize people with 3 kids need 2 nannies. Wow.

We had a nanny for the first year of my third child’s life. Older two were 4 and 6. Nanny brought the baby with her for drop off and pick up. She was in the car for 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the afternoon. During the day she had nanny all to herself. It was a great set up.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM of 3 and have a full time nanny. I don't want baby dragged around and in containers (carseats / strollers) all day. But with 4 drop offs / pick ups every day just for school and then any activities, baby needs his own care taker to get his needs met at home (yes of course he'd be fine in the car all day, but i don't want that for him)

Honestly, I don’t want to be strapped in the car hours a day as an adult. That sounds terrible. Why is everyone spending so much of their life driving? Don’t other people live in the suburbs with close by public schools? And why doesn’t anyone have elementary schoolers ride the bus?

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say you have a third and the spread becomes age 5, age 2 and baby. I’m a SAHM and that was my spread, and I think it was doable during the day.

Older two kids went to the same preschool (oldest was in full day K). Mornings were easy - drop off, then put baby to bed for morning nap. Sometimes baby would fall asleep in the car and remain napping at home in the car seat, sometimes not.

Pickup for the 2 year old was around noon. I fed the baby before pickup, then put the baby down for a mid day nap upon returning, then fed the two year old. Then it was play time with the two year old while the baby napped.

Pickup for the oldest was around 3. Same drill - snacks for the baby and toddler prior to pickup. This particular baby didn’t nap a third time, but you could repeat the cycle of returning home for a nap. In our case, we usually headed to the playground after school pick up for a solid hour if not longer, and yes that meant baby tagged along. Then back home to play in the playroom and prep dinner.

I don’t feel like I needed to make a lot of sacrifices for the baby (in terms of individualized attention, prioritizing sleep) with this schedule but the key was those particular ages and that particular schedule.

As for activities, those ages are still so little. Most of our extracurriculars were on the weekend, like Saturday soccer and Sunday school. I switched off with dad as needed. We avoided weekday extracurriculars at those ages because preschool wiped them out - especially true at age 5.

I had a similar schedule as a SAHM.
When I went back to work, our nanny was another set of hands in the morning getting kids breakfast. I took the oldest to school on the way to work, and she took the middle over to preschool at 9am (walking distance from the house). Then she had 1:1 time with the toddler until preschool pickup at noon. Then she fed both kids lunch and put the baby down for a nap while she had 1:1 time with the middle. She took the other two kids to pick up the oldest 2-3 days a week, and he went to aftercare and I picked him up the other days. School was like a five minute drive. I don’t know why people are driving hours every day.

I did have a daily housekeeper who did all of the cooking, laundry, and errands. She could watch a sleeping baby if needed. I also didn’t do any of those things or gave my nanny do them. If I was running late, I might ask her to put dinner in the oven so it was ready when I got home.

DH works long and unpredictable hours. He was around, but wasn’t reliable enough to be part of the day to day schedule.

It’s fine with one SAHM or one nanny if nothing goes wrong. And something always goes wrong. Sick days, crying at drop off, someone getting hurt, someone with a stomach bug, etc.

Example: I had to do pick up without our nanny on Monday for my six year old while wearing my infant and holding my two-year-old’s hand. My six year old fell coming out of school and badly skinned her knee. I had no way to physically hug her or help her. Then my toddler started crying. Not the end of the world but not pleasant for anyone.

Let’s say you have a third and the spread becomes age 5, age 2 and baby. I’m a SAHM and that was my spread, and I think it was doable during the day.

Older two kids went to the same preschool (oldest was in full day K). Mornings were easy - drop off, then put baby to bed for morning nap. Sometimes baby would fall asleep in the car and remain napping at home in the car seat, sometimes not.

Pickup for the 2 year old was around noon. I fed the baby before pickup, then put the baby down for a mid day nap upon returning, then fed the two year old. Then it was play time with the two year old while the baby napped.

Pickup for the oldest was around 3. Same drill - snacks for the baby and toddler prior to pickup. This particular baby didn’t nap a third time, but you could repeat the cycle of returning home for a nap. In our case, we usually headed to the playground after school pick up for a solid hour if not longer, and yes that meant baby tagged along. Then back home to play in the playroom and prep dinner.

I don’t feel like I needed to make a lot of sacrifices for the baby (in terms of individualized attention, prioritizing sleep) with this schedule but the key was those particular ages and that particular schedule.

As for activities, those ages are still so little. Most of our extracurriculars were on the weekend, like Saturday soccer and Sunday school. I switched off with dad as needed. We avoided weekday extracurriculars at those ages because preschool wiped them out - especially true at age 5.

We have three and both work FT. The older two are just under two years apart and the second and third are 2.5 years apart. All three went to the same daycare, where they stayed through preschool (they have a great, NAEYC-accredited program). It was very convenient to my work, so I mostly dropped off and picked up. It was a lot, but worked better for us than a nanny and managing the different schedules with preschool, naps, etc.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM of 3 and have a full time nanny. I don't want baby dragged around and in containers (carseats / strollers) all day. But with 4 drop offs / pick ups every day just for school and then any activities, baby needs his own care taker to get his needs met at home (yes of course he'd be fine in the car all day, but i don't want that for him)

+1. Same. I usually do drop offs and nanny does pick ups. She helps me so much with all the kid chores, laundry, errands and after-school activities for oldest.

Three kids and two in office jobs (in totally opposite directions too!)

DD 1 (k): I drop her off at school and then go to work. Her school is on the way.
DS 2 (3.5): full day daycare. DH drops off younger two before work.
DD 2: (7 m): full day daycare

A center works best for us since the hours are long and they rarely close. It’s not that we use it all the time or for the full time it’s open, instead the stability and consistency it provides is what helps us run smoothly.

DD goes to aftercare and I picked her up around 5:45. We all make it home by 6:15ish. Dinner then bed routines and all are sleep by 8.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids, with 2 in full or part school, is really not hard at all for a SAHM or a competent nanny to manage. I’m confused what the issue is? Picking up the older kids from school? We always just worked the naps around this - it wasn’t a big deal. I don’t see why your nanny couldn’t easily manage.

Anyone can “manage”. I want more than just having my kids managed. A baby strapped into a car seat for, conservatively, an hour to two hours for two pick ups and drop offs and having their sleep cycles dictated by older kids schedules just isn’t fair to the baby.

Get a second nanny, OP, for the first year. That’s what we did (for 18 months actually) and everything went smoothly and our little one thrived.

Adding, our second nanny was young and inexperienced so she benefited from 1.5 years with our older experienced and college educated nanny.

I'm a SAHM of 3 and have a full time nanny. I don't want baby dragged around and in containers (carseats / strollers) all day. But with 4 drop offs / pick ups every day just for school and then any activities, baby needs his own care taker to get his needs met at home (yes of course he'd be fine in the car all day, but i don't want that for him)

Anonymous wrote:3 kids, with 2 in full or part school, is really not hard at all for a SAHM or a competent nanny to manage. I’m confused what the issue is? Picking up the older kids from school? We always just worked the naps around this - it wasn’t a big deal. I don’t see why your nanny couldn’t easily manage.

Anyone can “manage”. I want more than just having my kids managed. A baby strapped into a car seat for, conservatively, an hour to two hours for two pick ups and drop offs and having their sleep cycles dictated by older kids schedules just isn’t fair to the baby.

Get a second nanny, OP, for the first year. That’s what we did (for 18 months actually) and everything went smoothly and our little one thrived.