Just go to party

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably don't need to be there for the whole service. Though if it's two hours (as opposed to three-plus), it's probably a Reform synagogue, so I'm not as up to date on the exact customs there.

People may be coming and going during the service at times, but there are parts you shouldn't miss, mostly around the Torah service -- the heart of the bar mitzvah kid's part. Other parts you shouldn't leave or enter during would include the Amidah (a standing prayer), which is also a long-ish stretch.

Can you really not sit politely and quietly for two hours? Maybe you should just skip it if it's not important enough to you to find a way to deal.

2 hours is not Reform. Reform is less than 1 hour.

Not true. Most Reform shuls are 1.5-2 hours, while Conservative is 2.5 or so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s pretty standard. Bar/Bat Mitzvah services are just Saturday morning services, with the Bar/Mat Mitzvah kid doing at least the Torah portion, if not other parts of the service as well.

Most Jews show up late to services. They’ll start around 9:30, but most of us know when the Torah service starts and we’ll make sure to be there for that. A lot of times, services don’t end until around 12, at which point we nosh. Of course.

What kind of jews do you know? I grew up going to a conservative temple and now belong to a reformed one, and NOBODY shows up late except one random person who got stuck at work. It would be SO disrespectful to go in and out throughout the services! Sure, if you have to pee, go to the bathroom, but otherwise, suck it up and sit through it.

Bar/Bat Mitsvot can be held anytime the Torah is read-Monday & Thursday AM and also Shabbat afternoons and on Rosh Hodesh/the first day of the Hebrew month

Anonymous wrote:We are good Protestants who showed up at 9 am sharp to a Bat Mitzvah service. Sat there for 2 hours with all the other non-Jews wondering where all the Jewish friends were. They finally rolled in about 11:15 for the Torah portion. When I told them how long I had been there, they got a good laugh. Lesson learned.

LOL, me too! I loved it, though.

Anonymous wrote:This is really dependent on type of synagogue. It is considered rude to be late for a Reform service, though absolutely acceptable for a conservative service. At our reform synagogue services are typically about 2 hours 15 min. for mitzvahs and people attend and participate for the entire time.

Charitable response: "I wonder if this is because of the Reform movement's German roots?"

Uncharitable response: "How are you guys not just Protestants who like bagels?"

Anonymous wrote:This is really dependent on type of synagogue. It is considered rude to be late for a Reform service, though absolutely acceptable for a conservative service. At our reform synagogue services are typically about 2 hours 15 min. for mitzvahs and people attend and participate for the entire time.

Ours too. And they can be up to 2.5 hours if it’s a double. We’ve seen a huge difference between congregations in how much the bar mitzvah kid does. They might lead the whole service, just read Torah, or anywhere in between.

Anonymous wrote:
What kind of jews do you know? I grew up going to a conservative temple and now belong to a reformed one, and NOBODY shows up late except one random person who got stuck at work. It would be SO disrespectful to go in and out throughout the services! Sure, if you have to pee, go to the bathroom, but otherwise, suck it up and sit through it.

If people are late because they're getting "stuck at work" then it seems more likely that you're talking about the Kabbalat Shabbat service on Friday night, rather than the Shabbat morning service on Saturday. In that case, yes, it's not as acceptable to show up late, but that's more because the service is only 30 minutes long and showing up late means you miss more of it (proportionally) than the 2-hour morning service. The shorter Friday night service is not what OP is talking about.

This is really dependent on type of synagogue. It is considered rude to be late for a Reform service, though absolutely acceptable for a conservative service. At our reform synagogue services are typically about 2 hours 15 min. for mitzvahs and people attend and participate for the entire time.

Anonymous wrote:That’s pretty standard. Bar/Bat Mitzvah services are just Saturday morning services, with the Bar/Mat Mitzvah kid doing at least the Torah portion, if not other parts of the service as well.

Most Jews show up late to services. They’ll start around 9:30, but most of us know when the Torah service starts and we’ll make sure to be there for that. A lot of times, services don’t end until around 12, at which point we nosh. Of course.

This

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably don't need to be there for the whole service. Though if it's two hours (as opposed to three-plus), it's probably a Reform synagogue, so I'm not as up to date on the exact customs there.

People may be coming and going during the service at times, but there are parts you shouldn't miss, mostly around the Torah service -- the heart of the bar mitzvah kid's part. Other parts you shouldn't leave or enter during would include the Amidah (a standing prayer), which is also a long-ish stretch.

Can you really not sit politely and quietly for two hours? Maybe you should just skip it if it's not important enough to you to find a way to deal.

2 hours is not Reform. Reform is less than 1 hour.

Depends on the congregation. Ours is between 1.5 and 2 hours. Doesn’t help the op who should find out from people who attend the congregation what the practice is there. But generally, there is nothing wrong with taking a quiet break. Kids making lots of noise will be admonished. Also, most conservative synagogues do not allow devices to be used on Shabbat (including phones). Apology if this duplicates what others have said - I typically read through all responses before posting but felt the need to reply to this poster.

When I was a child, our reform rabbi told us that the congregation in orthodox synagogues might seem disrespectful -- arriving late, chatting away, moving around the synagogue. But that is because they know the service intimately, having attended every week for all their lives. They can arrive in the middle of a prayer and instantly jump in with the right words or chant. They are not attending a performance but rather they are part of the ritual.

I have lost most contact with Judaism for many years now, but for some reason, those words from our reform rabbi have always stuck with me.

OP, is the bar mitzvah at a Reform synagogue or a Conservative one?

Conservative services are (as people have already described) more flexible about when you actually arrive, whispering with your neighbors, and moving around or leaving the sanctuary throughout, except during certain parts (the sermon, Torah reading, and standing prayers). There are two parts of the service with introductory prayers (Psukei and Shacharit) that people familiar with the service will often skip. You can usually safely arrive half an hour late without missing the beginning of the Torah service.

Reform services are more formal and most people show up on time, stay in their seats except for short bathroom breaks, and pay attention without chit chatting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s pretty standard. Bar/Bat Mitzvah services are just Saturday morning services, with the Bar/Mat Mitzvah kid doing at least the Torah portion, if not other parts of the service as well.

Most Jews show up late to services. They’ll start around 9:30, but most of us know when the Torah service starts and we’ll make sure to be there for that. A lot of times, services don’t end until around 12, at which point we nosh. Of course.

What kind of jews do you know? I grew up going to a conservative temple and now belong to a reformed one, and NOBODY shows up late except one random person who got stuck at work. It would be SO disrespectful to go in and out throughout the services! Sure, if you have to pee, go to the bathroom, but otherwise, suck it up and sit through it.

NP but I’ve had the same experience as the first PP. Many (most?) people show up late. This is in Orthodox (both MO and Chabad) as well as conservative congregations. Haven’t been to a reform service in many years so maybe that’s different. Although I do agree with you and other PPs who said that once there, people don’t leave except for a bathroom etc. break.

OP, you can probably call the synagogue and find out what time their Torah portion typically starts. The Torah portion will be the key of the bat mitzvah so you won’t want to miss that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You probably don't need to be there for the whole service. Though if it's two hours (as opposed to three-plus), it's probably a Reform synagogue, so I'm not as up to date on the exact customs there.

People may be coming and going during the service at times, but there are parts you shouldn't miss, mostly around the Torah service -- the heart of the bar mitzvah kid's part. Other parts you shouldn't leave or enter during would include the Amidah (a standing prayer), which is also a long-ish stretch.

Can you really not sit politely and quietly for two hours? Maybe you should just skip it if it's not important enough to you to find a way to deal.

2 hours is not Reform. Reform is less than 1 hour.

I've been to many Reform (not reformed...) services and none on Shabbat morning are less than an hour. Some people do just a Havdallah service (e.g. Saturday evening without full service) for a bar/bat mitzvah but a traditional synagogue service would be at least 2 hours. I agree that when I've gone to relative's conservative services they start earlier but more common to come late-- would be rare/rude to do that in a Reform service.

Anonymous wrote:That’s pretty standard. Bar/Bat Mitzvah services are just Saturday morning services, with the Bar/Mat Mitzvah kid doing at least the Torah portion, if not other parts of the service as well.

Most Jews show up late to services. They’ll start around 9:30, but most of us know when the Torah service starts and we’ll make sure to be there for that. A lot of times, services don’t end until around 12, at which point we nosh. Of course.

What kind of jews do you know? I grew up going to a conservative temple and now belong to a reformed one, and NOBODY shows up late except one random person who got stuck at work. It would be SO disrespectful to go in and out throughout the services! Sure, if you have to pee, go to the bathroom, but otherwise, suck it up and sit through it.