Anonymous wrote:My mom was exactly like this OP.

PSA: if you volunteer to help them neighbors, they will learn on you instead of their "ungrateful" child who is trying to help with a workable solution. Be very clear about what what you are able to help with.

Anonymous wrote:One thing I struggle with is being expected to enable elderly people who have means but are unwilling to spend any money.

My dad is extremely cheap and will not pay for a taxi or an uber to take him to the airport. So every time he goes it turns into this big crisis of how he will get there. An Uber is $50 round trip. I’m not taking time off work or losing sleep to help my dad save $50 when he has plenty of money.

Anonymous wrote:I may be your neighbor or at least she sounds like mine. My elderly neighbor has worn out our goodwill. For example in 2021, she refused to get vaxxed, got gravely ill and then called me to bring her everything from groceries to library books. I am not a spring chicken either and she expected me to risk my own health for her. She also 'borrows' stuff from us, tools, chairs, etc. way too much, then I have to keep track of things and follow up to get them back or asks my husband to use his tools to fix her house.

She really is kinda of a nasty, ungrateful person under her southern charm and 'church lady' facade. That's why it wears on us so much.

This is a neighbors perspective. I would always be there for her or any other neighbor in a true emergency - if they fell or needs a ride to the hospital, but the constant entitled demands wore us thin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hah! Reminds me of the time a neighbor asked to "borrow my ladder." I brought it over and then he tells me he's afraid of heights and wants me to climb the ladder instead.

Yep. That plus the ingratitude mentioned elsewhere. You need someone to take you to your weekly hair appointment? Sure! You want me to do it in the middle of the workday and to take you to do a bunch of errands on the way home? We'll need to talk, and by talk, I mean I'll tell you what I can manage in the months to come, and if that doesn't work for you, taxi time!

I am shocked that there are so many elderly neighbors like mine! My neighbor wants us to bring groceries, stuff from Home Depot, etc. When we suggested she could order online, she said she is afraid of hackers on the internet, so she would rather have us shop for her. We have plenty of extra time and gas for that!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hah! Reminds me of the time a neighbor asked to "borrow my ladder." I brought it over and then he tells me he's afraid of heights and wants me to climb the ladder instead.

Yep. That plus the ingratitude mentioned elsewhere. You need someone to take you to your weekly hair appointment? Sure! You want me to do it in the middle of the workday and to take you to do a bunch of errands on the way home? We'll need to talk, and by talk, I mean I'll tell you what I can manage in the months to come, and if that doesn't work for you, taxi time!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your title is misleading.

These neighbors have done nothing wrong: they offered to help, they meant it, they tried to help.

They are now setting boundaries, because she is manipulative, clingy, and cries wolf.

If you're going to write thread titles that are PSAs, here's my PSA to you: make sure your snotty little thread title reflects actual bad behavior by neighbors, not your mom.

I'm not OP and that's not the way I read this, but I also had a mom like this.

It's a PSA to the neighbors that the "sweet little" old lady is using them to tell her kids she has tons of neighbors who will help keep her in her house, even though it's dangerous for her.

We know the neighbors are just being neighborly and nice, and have no idea they are pawns being used in the mom's game to stay at her house no matter whether it is safe or not. If you haven't had a mom who will stop at nothing to get her way, including abusing neighbors help to the point they are contacting you, you are lucky. Been there, have that tshirt.

Anonymous wrote:Your title is misleading.

These neighbors have done nothing wrong: they offered to help, they meant it, they tried to help.

They are now setting boundaries, because she is manipulative, clingy, and cries wolf.

If you're going to write thread titles that are PSAs, here's my PSA to you: make sure your snotty little thread title reflects actual bad behavior by neighbors, not your mom.

Anonymous wrote:My mother thought she had a "village" thanks to false offers from neighbors of "call me anytime if you need anything." After I fielded enough "emergency calls" from mom over the years and her rejecting moving to a more appropriate setting (home would need total reno for age in place), we were advised to step back more for our sanity and to stop enabling. I only respond to real emergencies. So mom started turning to all those friendly neighbors. Over the past few months, 2 have called me complaining. One assumed because I lived in the area, she would never be taken up on the offer. I advised them to stop offering and let her know they are not available. One complained at how unappreciative she is. Welcome to my world. I let her know about all the complaints gently and she insists I am making it up. So they are on their own to set boundaries. She is of sound mind and no professional has been able to convince her to move because she thinks between me and all those friendly neighbors and me she is fine. Right now, she only needs occasional hired help when recovering from procedures, and she scares them off too. Some "sweet old ladies" like my mom just turn on fake charm, but will have no qualms about taking advantage of others and showing little appreciation. So please don't offer help unless you truly mean it. Be careful what you say because some people take "call me anytime" literally.

Anonymous wrote:My mother thought she had a "village" thanks to false offers from neighbors of "call me anytime if you need anything." After I fielded enough "emergency calls" from mom over the years and her rejecting moving to a more appropriate setting (home would need total reno for age in place), we were advised to step back more for our sanity and to stop enabling. I only respond to real emergencies. So mom started turning to all those friendly neighbors. Over the past few months, 2 have called me complaining. One assumed because I lived in the area, she would never be taken up on the offer. I advised them to stop offering and let her know they are not available. One complained at how unappreciative she is. Welcome to my world. I let her know about all the complaints gently and she insists I am making it up. So they are on their own to set boundaries. She is of sound mind and no professional has been able to convince her to move because she thinks between me and all those friendly neighbors and me she is fine. Right now, she only needs occasional hired help when recovering from procedures, and she scares them off too. Some "sweet old ladies" like my mom just turn on fake charm, but will have no qualms about taking advantage of others and showing little appreciation. So please don't offer help unless you truly mean it. Be careful what you say because some people take "call me anytime" literally.