OP’s DH wants to go and OP is looking for more excuses for why they shouldn’t because she doesn’t want to go on vacation with SIL.

Grandparents: Only want to vacation with the entire family. May be offended if parts of family vacation without them.

SIL: Does not want to vacation with grandparents. Wants to vacation with brother's family.

YOU: Wants to please everyone, while pleasing nobody

YOUR DH: Who know what he thinks, maybe nobody cares.

My take is that it's totally OK for siblings to have sibling time, and it's really too much for the parents to take exception to that. Your role in the family OP, is to see what your DH wants to do and go with it.

What

Does

Your

Husband

Want

To

Do

?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every year or two my inlaws offer to pay for us all to go to the beach or something. We did it once a long time ago, but SIL (their daughter) has refused every time since. Now this year she wants our family (DH/her brother, me, 2 kids) to share a vacation home with her family of 5. I like them and am not opposed but its going to really hurt her parents feelings, and they are definitely not invited (per her). There is no way to keep it from them - we all live locally. It will be SOOOOOO awkard when they find out.

WWYD?

Seems like when your in-laws are included, they pay for everyone? Maybe you don’t want to go if your own family has to pay a part of it?

Haha nice catch! OP wants a free trip and is hiding behind “family unity” to get it.

Sounds like You know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is a shame. The parents should allow the siblings to socialize together.

Could you offer to do a long weekend with the parents another time?

OP here. We are willing to travel with the inlaws but they don't want to do it if everyone can't go.

Well, that says a lot about why your SIL doesn't want to go with them. If parents were actually interested in spending time with family and not controlling & manipulating them, they'd go with your family.

Thanks for your opinion. However, these are my inlaws and I have to see them frequently for the next 10-20 years. They are my husband's parents and unlike many on this site I actually care about their feelings. They are not bad people - they don't try to be so anxious they just are. They are kind and loving grandparents. SIL is an adult and of course does not have to travel with them if she does not want to, but this seems unneccessarily hurtful.

I don’t know OP… You guys are all local so that means a lot of togetherness right there. Is SIL never allowed to travel with her siblings without her parents??? That sounds harsh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just go and have fun. If/when it’s brought up, simply state that you were invited by your SIL to vacation together. If they have an issue with it, they can discuss with her and your BIL. I think you are making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. They may not even care that much.

They will 100% care. We can debate if they SHOULD care or if I should care that it bothers them. But it is an absolutely certainty they will care. I have known them over 20 years.

OP. Then why are you bothering to ask anyone’s opinion. It sounds like toh know you can’t go without hurting their feelings, so what’s your question?

I’m clearly in the minority but I wouldn’t feel comfortable about excluding in-laws either. In fact, I wouldn’t go under those circumstances to avoid hurting feelings. DH and I vacation with our extended families, which have grown over the years to necessitate renting two or more houses. We all get together for dinners and hang time, but also have private time with our siblings. Is that an option for your family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is a shame. The parents should allow the siblings to socialize together.

Could you offer to do a long weekend with the parents another time?

OP here. We are willing to travel with the inlaws but they don't want to do it if everyone can't go.

Well, that says a lot about why your SIL doesn't want to go with them. If parents were actually interested in spending time with family and not controlling & manipulating them, they'd go with your family.

Thanks for your opinion. However, these are my inlaws and I have to see them frequently for the next 10-20 years. They are my husband's parents and unlike many on this site I actually care about their feelings. They are not bad people - they don't try to be so anxious they just are. They are kind and loving grandparents. SIL is an adult and of course does not have to travel with them if she does not want to, but this seems unneccessarily hurtful.

I’m the person who travels with my SIL. I also care about my parent in laws feelings. But we also have a really great time with my SIL and her family. My parent in laws don’t have to be involved in everything. Like I said, it’s tough at first. But they get used to it.

Anonymous wrote:"She wants" is unimportant. DH and you decide, especially DH. This is his family.

If the only thing preventing OP from going is the fact that the in-laws are not invited, then this is solely the DH’s call. I thinking the OP’s spouse is fine with this vacation. OP is looking for arguments to support her case and isn’t finding any here.

"She wants" is unimportant. DH and you decide, especially DH. This is his family.

Not your parents, not your problem. Why are you getting between what the brother and sister do? You're not helping the situation by insisting the parents must come.

Anonymous wrote:Every year or two my inlaws offer to pay for us all to go to the beach or something. We did it once a long time ago, but SIL (their daughter) has refused every time since. Now this year she wants our family (DH/her brother, me, 2 kids) to share a vacation home with her family of 5. I like them and am not opposed but its going to really hurt her parents feelings, and they are definitely not invited (per her). There is no way to keep it from them - we all live locally. It will be SOOOOOO awkard when they find out.

WWYD?

Seems like when your in-laws are included, they pay for everyone? Maybe you don’t want to go if your own family has to pay a part of it?

Do what you want to do and don’t let the parents manipulate your choices.

I did this one year. Told my parents it was a siblings only vacation. Yes my parents were sad but they weee also thrilled that the 3 of us are close enough to want to spend time with each other.

We had a blast without mom and dad there to comment, critique, dissent, etc. Its not that they are not fun on vacation but they have strict ideas about how things are supposed to be. Example—everyone must eat dinner at the same time and dinner should be a multi course meal. You do not leave the table until everyone is finished. That’s ok 1 or 2 nights but keeping a 2yr old up until 7 and making the 15 yr old eat at 5 just isn’t fun.