I would never ask. I would just go without.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless we were at risk of starving, I would never ask my parents for money. Adults pay their own way.

You never asked or hinted at wedding help or 'oh we'd love this $3,000 set from pottery barn' or complained about daycare expenses for so long they gave in?

I find the American passive-aggressive attitude to get around 'norms' and not admit you've asked for help annoying. You either got the help by asking or whining.

Not everyone needs or wants help from their parents, what about that do you not understand?

My parents have offered help with things (a student loan before I was married that I am slowly paying back and more recently tutoring for one of my children). DH's parents offered to help with landscaping once but then never gave us the money, so we would never ask or take them up on an offer again.

Anonymous wrote:I mean any lump sum over $5,000 or monthly allotment nearing such.

For weddings, maybe childcare expenses, unplanned for home repairs, medical deductibles. Is it something you've gone to them before?

My parents paid for college and sent me the occasional $20 in a card when I was a very low paid intern my first year out of college. DH and I paid for our wedding, but my mother wanted to do something, so she got a party room at the hotel for the night before and brought in drinks and sandwiches and paid for the hotel bills of our out of town family.

When they sold their house and moved south for retirement, they had some money leftover at the same time DH and I were selling one house and purchasing another. They gave us a bridge loan to fund the down payment of the second house. We had double mortgages for three or so months. We sold our first house threeish months later and paid them back with interest. It was a win-win. They earned way more than passbook interest and we paid way less than the going rate for that type of loan. Normally, it wouldn't have worked out, but we had timing.

We have been lucky in regards to making sure our expenses were less than our income. We did have our parents as a back up if something drastic happened and we had to move in with them for a period of time. Luckily, we never had to use it. They are all gone now. We plan to be the same backup plan for our children.

Contributing to my wedding cost at 22 was the last time I received money for them. I would never, ever ask for them to pay an expense for me.

Well, unless there was some dire circumstances such as SAHM with extreme abusive husband, been blocked from martial money and need to secure a divorce lawyer ASAP..that type of thing.

No. But recently my sister had a huge plumbing expense ($15K) and I could tell that she and her husband were totally freaked out. We offered to loan them the money so they didn’t have to take a bank loan. When my parents found out they thanked me and said they were also planning to offer. There is nothing wrong with giving or receiving family help.

No. They contributed to my wedding when I was 23. Since then they loaned us money for a downpayment on a house, which we repaid. Now I'm in my 40s, I would never ask them for money.

My parents paid for our wedding, gave us money for 2 down payments and help pay some of my kids' private school tuition every year. They also have set up significant 529 for my kids. I would not approach them for large purchases but mostly because we can afford our own expenses. They would gladly help us more but I would feel awkward asking. My ILs have not given us any help despite having the means.

My parents would die laughing if I asked for $5,000. And then I would inherit a broken down pickup truck and some costume jewelry. DCUM is one funny bubble.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless we were at risk of starving, I would never ask my parents for money. Adults pay their own way.

You never asked or hinted at wedding help or 'oh we'd love this $3,000 set from pottery barn' or complained about daycare expenses for so long they gave in?

I find the American passive-aggressive attitude to get around 'norms' and not admit you've asked for help annoying. You either got the help by asking or whining.

They paid for my wedding when I was 21. They paid for college. That’s it. Once I was out of college, I never took money from them. How embarrassing! I’m an adult, ffs. We bought our first home using a VA loan. We have since bought and sold six homes. Never asked for help with a down payment, medical bills, daycare, school, ….. Not because we are super wealthy, but because we are adults perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves. I would feel like such a loser if I had to ask for money. Unless it was truly an emergency.

Mid-40s here. I have never asked. The title of this is "would you approach". The answer to that is emphatically no.

But my parents have offered and I accepted for:

1. Wedding
2. down payment on first condo
3. multiple vacations for the extended family (including them)

That being said, I have always had enough income that I was never in danger of not eating or of losing my housing. If I was ever genuinely in need of food, housing, or medical care, I would ask.

Anonymous wrote:Mid 50s, and since college I have never asked for money - I am an adult and don't spend beyond my means. Who does this?

+1

Anonymous wrote:I mean any lump sum over $5,000 or monthly allotment nearing such.

For weddings, maybe childcare expenses, unplanned for home repairs, medical deductibles. Is it something you've gone to them before?

Geesus. After age 18? Certainly not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless we were at risk of starving, I would never ask my parents for money. Adults pay their own way.

You never asked or hinted at wedding help or 'oh we'd love this $3,000 set from pottery barn' or complained about daycare expenses for so long they gave in?

I find the American passive-aggressive attitude to get around 'norms' and not admit you've asked for help annoying. You either got the help by asking or whining.

DP, but NO! Oh my, if I can't afford the 3k PB set, I don't get it! This is why there is so much debt in America, all the "wants" that they think are needs.

I do find it weird to equate $3k for overpriced furniture from PB with daycare expenses. Very different! My kids aren't grown yet, but I can tell you right now if my child was like "I really like this sofa but can't afford it" I'd offer to help look for a less expensive dupe. But if my child was like "Things are really tight right now because we are paying $2k/mo for daycare until Larla turns 1 year and we are just barely getting by" I'd absolutely kick in money to help them through that time. Completely different situations.

There is NOTHING wrong with families helping each other financially. It's normal and the only people who disagree are people who have bought into this weird American boot-strap individualism. In most parts of the world, the idea that you could have a family member struggling with bills, and have the ability to help them, but choose not to because of some idea that everyone should pay their own way? It's considered pathological.

But no one "needs" expensive furniture and buying that for an adult with a job is strange to me. I mean, if you are loaded and you don't care either way, I get it. But otherwise that's just such an unnecessary gift. They can save up and buy it if they love it that much.

Both my parents and my in-laws gave us money for our wedding but we did not ask for it (it was an inexpensive wedding as far as weddings go - $10k). We have never asked them for help with expenses and they haven't offered additional help.