Anonymous wrote:OP - first, hugs to you.

Second - you need to stop catering to his whims. Whims do not equal needs.

Him not liking the food he just asked for? That's a whim, and that's too bad.

Him wanting you instead of Daddy? That's a whim, and that's too bad.

Tantrum because he doesn't want to leave? You guessed it - that's a whim, and that's too bad.

Are you SAHM? If so, get a job, almost any job, and put him in daycare. The structure, rules, and routine will do him a world of good.

Agree with daycare, though OP said she works full time.

OP, what's your childcare situation? You shouldn't have to play with him 8+ hours a day, but he also shouldn't have access to you 8+ hours a day.

OP, you sound like you need some time to recharge. Please consider taking a few days for a vacation. You could visit a friend or something and get some sleep. Or a staycation in a hotel just for you! Your DH and son will figure it out.

He sounds just like my son who was diagnosed at age 4 with ADHD. The doctor said he had never seen a more unfocused child. I was against medication but finally decided to medicate him. It was shocking the difference.

He had a 504 in first grade. He did very well in school but required therapy throughout. I'm happy to tell you my wonderful son is off to a great college in the fall.

Hugs. I hope you find help.

OP consider reading No Bad Kids. It may help.

Are you a stay at home mom? Honestly I don’t know how any one can be a stay at home parent but certainly some people can tolerate the exhaustion and boredom better than others. Maybe you should go back into the workforce and put your son in daycare? That would help with his attachment problem too.

Even if you don’t work, can you get some help part time during the week so you get a break? What about starting him in some part time preschool program or a part time nanny?

OP, you also need sleep. He will feel better if he sleeps through the night too. Did you ever sleep train?

Anonymous wrote:OP - first, hugs to you.

Second - you need to stop catering to his whims. Whims do not equal needs.

Him not liking the food he just asked for? That's a whim, and that's too bad.

Him wanting you instead of Daddy? That's a whim, and that's too bad.

Tantrum because he doesn't want to leave? You guessed it - that's a whim, and that's too bad.

Are you SAHM? If so, get a job, almost any job, and put him in daycare. The structure, rules, and routine will do him a world of good.

This. He’s just spoiled and has figured out what works to get his way.

OP - first, hugs to you.

Second - you need to stop catering to his whims. Whims do not equal needs.

Him not liking the food he just asked for? That's a whim, and that's too bad.

Him wanting you instead of Daddy? That's a whim, and that's too bad.

Tantrum because he doesn't want to leave? You guessed it - that's a whim, and that's too bad.

Are you SAHM? If so, get a job, almost any job, and put him in daycare. The structure, rules, and routine will do him a world of good.

This may not make you feel better, OP, but I had a son like that - extremely difficult, high energy, picky eater, stubborn, etc. His tantrums and outbursts continued through about age 10. Did fine in school and was never diagnosed with any issues, nor was he identified/referred. It was just simply his personality. I, too, remember the feeling of watching friends' kids (yes, usually girls) sit and play quietly and just wondering what was wrong with mine.

Well, my son is now a teenager and he has completely mellowed out. He's not super excited about anything, being a teen, but he is calm and pleasant, no more outbursts, no drama. We did nothing in particular but give it time. So have hope and know that it gets easier!

I have 2 kids, one with adhd & asd and the other one probably has adhd. Both were energetic and picky eater at you child age (30 months) and same as well. They both wear at full day daycare at that age, and good thing potty trained day and night (include naptime and nighttime) by 3 with daycare help. They both slept through the night because they were exhausted from daycare and screentime at home on weekday. We try to take them out on weekend to play on playground and walk around.

The asd and adhd does not scream but likes to talk nonstop. The adhd only one likes to screams and whines. Yes, I yell at them a lot, and I get frustrated a lot, but I still try to give myself some private time at night after they go to bed.

Without daycare help, I don't know how to potty train. They have a lot blanket, pillow and stuffed animal on beds, and I think that help sleeping through the night. I always ask them to go to daddy, but they often pick me as first choice. Screentime is not perfect, but that gives me some breaks.

I don't know if this is relevant to your situation but when my son was around that age he would scream and tantrum when I would go to the store and leave him with his dad, or when he wanted me to do something his dad was trying to do with him, like bedtime or a bath. I told my H he needed to handle more of the basic needs so our son viewed him as more of a safe caretaker than a playmate. My H had mostly been just playing with him after he got home from work but not feeding him, changing him, bathing him, holding him, comforting him if he was hurt, etc. Once H started doing a lot more of those things it made a big difference in my son not always crying that he wanted me. I also started leaving him with his dad for hours at a time a lot more often. That helped all three of us.

I am a solo parent, and I hired a housekeeper. I know this doesn’t really sound like the solution to your problems, but I found the basic upkeep of the house, and laundry Plus my full-time job kept me so busy and was just one more layer of stress. It made me more stressed out whenever my child made a mess because I was yet another thing I had to clean up. Now I have someone who comes every morning for two hours. She cleans up the dishes from last night, which I love, because that way it doesn’t stress me out to cook and use pots and pans. Because I don’t really have to clean them up I just throw them in the kitchen to soak. My son has 80 HD, and she takes care of making sure that his backpack is organized and ready to go in the morning, she gets the laundry done. My boy is a very messy eater, but I don’t even pick up after him, I just leave everything and she takes care of it. Yes it is expensive, but it makes the time with my boy so much more quality because I am significantly less stressed about the mess.

I am you and no one understands a child like this until you have a child like this. The shame embarrassment and resentment is high. I had a second (through the huge tantrums) and my second is so so so easy always smiling always happy, a big difference. My now 4 year old continues to be difficult, I assume he always will be. I too am tired and joke with my husband thst I understand those men thst go shopping for milk and don’t come back. I’m sorry.

I do think this warrants an evaluation. It sounds extreme to me, even for a 3 year old.

Who cares for your 2 year old while you work? Daycare or nanny? How is he with his caregivers?