Anonymous wrote:I'm not a yeller, but have yelled at my kid twice in her life (she's 9 now). Both times involved her running into the road. I don't think parents that yell are *bad* per se, but it does lose its impact if you yell a lot. The examples the OP gave are mixed for me. Opening the door on the GW parkway does merit yelling. It's a safety issue that has to be addressed immediately. A toddler dumping sand on someone else doesn't merit yelling IMO. It does need correcting, but not via yelling.

Except in the door example, how is that a kid's fault? We expect a three year old to just inherently know not to open a car door while we're driving, but have they ever been explicitly told that before? The child lock wasn't working, that's not the kid's fault. Their brains aren't capable of rationality. Yelling at them for stuff they don't understand isn't just cruel it's pointless.

I'm not a yeller, but have yelled at my kid twice in her life (she's 9 now). Both times involved her running into the road. I don't think parents that yell are *bad* per se, but it does lose its impact if you yell a lot. The examples the OP gave are mixed for me. Opening the door on the GW parkway does merit yelling. It's a safety issue that has to be addressed immediately. A toddler dumping sand on someone else doesn't merit yelling IMO. It does need correcting, but not via yelling.

(Ugh yells and isn't)

^^just to add, I treat my kids as I want to be treated. I don't want to be yelled at by members of my family, and neither do they. Like I said I'm NOT a perfect parent and have a lot I need to work on, but the idea that every parent tells just ain't true.

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers ie I spend a lot of time with my kids. I have never yelled. But I have a lot of other bad traits as a parent. I just take issue with the idea that all parents yell.

So if one of your toddlers opened the car door while driving you would do what? Just calmly say “Larlo, we don’t open car doors while mommy is driving.”?

My kids are not able to open car doors while I'm driving. I don't even understand how that happens. The most dangerous situation I can remember is my 18 month old climbed onto the counter and got a knife. How would yelling in this situation have helped? So my kid has a knife and then panics because his mom is screaming at him? If you were doing something really scary and dangerous and your spouse yelled at you would that have helped you?

Honestly when I'm really mad I get really quiet. Then my kids know mom is REALLY mad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers ie I spend a lot of time with my kids. I have never yelled. But I have a lot of other bad traits as a parent. I just take issue with the idea that all parents yell.

So if one of your toddlers opened the car door while driving you would do what? Just calmly say “Larlo, we don’t open car doors while mommy is driving.”?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers ie I spend a lot of time with my kids. I have never yelled. But I have a lot of other bad traits as a parent. I just take issue with the idea that all parents yell.

Girl bye. Talk to us 10 years from now. As a parent of toddlers, you don’t have a dog in this fight, yet.

Are you lost? This is the toddler board. And if you're yelling at your kids that much seek help.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers ie I spend a lot of time with my kids. I have never yelled. But I have a lot of other bad traits as a parent. I just take issue with the idea that all parents yell.

Girl bye. Talk to us 10 years from now. As a parent of toddlers, you don’t have a dog in this fight, yet.

This is posted in the toddler forum so actually a parent of two toddlers seems pretty relevant? Anyway NP here and I don’t “yell” in terms of raising my voice but I absolutely visibily lose my temper sometimes and like OP I hate it and feel like a failure. I think it’s not the volume that’s relevant, just the parental loss of control which I’m sure happens to most parents (who don’t always have a coparent on hand like PP apparently does).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers ie I spend a lot of time with my kids. I have never yelled. But I have a lot of other bad traits as a parent. I just take issue with the idea that all parents yell.

Girl bye. Talk to us 10 years from now. As a parent of toddlers, you don’t have a dog in this fight, yet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

+1. I’m the oldest of 3 and I distinctly remember that my mom started yelling more when my youngest sibling was born. I have 2 and that’s hard enough! And definitely tell more than I would like sometimes.

I don’t think it’s ever *okay* to yell at kids, but everybody mistakes and shaming yourself for it does no good. And really, OP, you’re doing better than the vast majority of parents who think yelling is actually going to accomplish something good in the long run with a 3.5 year old.

Remember that the brain of a kid that small is not at all developed. They might not yet understand cause and effect. He isn’t being a jerk by putting sand on another kid’s head, he’s learning. Obviously be very clear that using sand in a way that bothers other people isn’t acceptable; tell him what’s okay to do with sand and what isn’t, and maybe leave the park. You can just use a straightforward tone; you don’t have to say “um hey we don’t dump sand on others kids’ heads, sweetie” in some soft voice.

Positive parenting doesn’t man you allow your kid to be mean or un safe or take a toy from another kid. It means you teach them how to be a good little human.

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Anonymous wrote:I get it! It’s so hard when the kid does that “WTF!” thing that throws you. DS at that age kicked his then baby sister really hard once and knocked her backwards and she hit her head. Completely out of the blue. I lost it and yelled at him and sent him to his room. In all honesty I wanted to hit him. I was shaking I was so angry.

DD at 3.5 knocked over her baby brothers high chair with him in it. I totally lost it. I punished her way more severely than I should have.

Yes, it’s when they hurt their siblings that I really struggle to stay calm. I’m working on it though

Anonymous wrote:I firmly believe that if you practice positive parenting 99.5% of the time, and yell just that once for a safety reason, it will have a real impact.

Yelling is a tool. Use it sparingly and wisely, or else it will lose its impact and be counterproductive & damaging, but don't be afraid to use it when it's really needed. Trust me, the kid won't be scarred by getting yelled at once or twice. But he will notice, because he knows this is not your normal. He'll remember that opening a car door while in motion earned a more drastic reaction.

---parent of tween/teen kids, who always tried not to yell, but definitely lost it once or twice during the terrible threes.

This is so so so true.

I firmly believe that if you practice positive parenting 99.5% of the time, and yell just that once for a safety reason, it will have a real impact.

Yelling is a tool. Use it sparingly and wisely, or else it will lose its impact and be counterproductive & damaging, but don't be afraid to use it when it's really needed. Trust me, the kid won't be scarred by getting yelled at once or twice. But he will notice, because he knows this is not your normal. He'll remember that opening a car door while in motion earned a more drastic reaction.

---parent of tween/teen kids, who always tried not to yell, but definitely lost it once or twice during the terrible threes.