I do think you should have known to expect this from your husband’s culture. Why is this a surprise? People choose not to go to TJ when they are 13yso to avoid this type of attitude.

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Everyone knows that intelligence stems from the mom.

My DH told his parents this when they made similar comments. It helped.

Mine has not done this for intelligence but every feature that is commented on is just like DH. Even my kids’ eye color Mil was wondering who in their family had that color that it could be attributed to when I’m sitting in the room with that color.

Whatever. I ignore it as best I can and if it really gets under my skin I make jokes about it later with DH who doesn’t get it as it happens.

Hmmm.

I admit I don't really like the advice to just let it roll off your back. Unless it's a once or twice a year thing, then I do think you let it roll off your back.

But if you're seeing them more than once a month then I think your husband should step in or find your inner "voice" and directly say, "Isn't Grandma silly - you know daddy and I both are great in math!"

YMMV, but over time this would really bother me if the grandparents are with the kids often.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they don't like you, and are doing this to get under your skin. And, clearly, it's working, because here you are.

Ignore OP. Somebody's mean MIL.just chimed in.

Same but I just let it roll off my back. They attribute ALL traits to them. "Oh she shakes her head the same way I do!" Meanwhile the kid is 100% my identical copy.

It's okay... I think all people look at their descendants and look for parts of themselves. I have the sweetest grandma and she just wanted to know if any of her great grandchildren were tow heads with blue eyes like her. Instead we all look like her husband.

LOL, my in laws are the same. I just shrug it off. They don't like me, and they think DH is the most amazing person to ever walk on planet earth. I'm not good enough for their son. I would just ignore these delusional old farts. Unless you live nearby or something.

My ILs do this. They even said something to my parents about it. H and I attended the same Ivy League undergrad. My mother basically told my MIL to jump off a bridge last time she started in on this topic.

My in laws do the same sh!t—including saying my kids’ light brown hair came from them, when they’re South Asian and I’m white. Psychotic. I just call it out every time. I’m too over them and their BS to do anything but flatly point out how stupid it is.

Wait—you’re smart enough to go to TJ and graduate from top schools, but you can’t figure out how to ignore some old people enjoying their grandson? Come on, OP. You’re giving smart, accomplished women a bad rep. Grow up and let this go.

Anonymous wrote:Every time your child does something less than ideal, say "He does take after his dad, doesn't he?" Burps at the table, leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor, whines, whatever the inlaws might find unsavory. Take that opportunity to agree with the inlaws.

I'd probably lean in this direction -- after cultivating a demeanor of loving fondness. Mostly, though, I'd ignore it, and imagine that at least some of this is having known their son at the same age as the kids, and some of it being proud parents -- as in, while they're saying good things about their son, they might not be really conscious of also not saying good things about you. I'd shrug most of it off, but have a bit of fun with it in line with the PP's suggestion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they from a male oriented culture? it's obnoxious. Your husband should correct them and remind them of how bright you are.

They are from a middle eastern culture but funnily my MIL was the main breadwinner / professional success. They attribute all things to their family, my one kids blue eyes aren’t from me (who has blue eyes!!) but from great uncle whoever (yes I understand genetics that they needed to have a part to, but they act like I have no part). The smarts one particularly bugs me though bc I don’t want my kids to view me as the female support to my husbands “smart” star

My middle eastern MIL does this although not so badly. It doesn’t really bother me because I think she assumes my parents do the same for our side of the family (they do not). I’d try to let it go, especially when it’s so obviously not true.

In your situation I would laugh, long and loud. My MIL took me to one side and said "You're very lucky you know, that your children have their father's intelligence, statistically it's not guaranteed..."

So I've had the same. But I don't really have much to do with her and I definitely don't care what she thinks. About anything.

Anonymous wrote:1. You sound insecure and overly sensitive.
2. Speak with DH about your feelings and ask him to speak with his parents.

This.

Every time your child does something less than ideal, say "He does take after his dad, doesn't he?" Burps at the table, leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor, whines, whatever the inlaws might find unsavory. Take that opportunity to agree with the inlaws.