I recommend you and your wife read the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsay Gibson.

As for visits, your wife can go to her parents as often as she wants; you don't have to go with her. My in-laws really wanted all of us (3 kids, 2 teenagers and 1 elementary schooler) to go there for a weekend. I'm not willing to go there for an overnight anymore, so I told my DH that he could go and take as many kids as he wanted. In the end, the older two were uninterested and DH didn't want to go with just the youngest, so we're not going. But I had no issue with him going; it's his family, he can deal with them.

You need to separate your needs from your wife's needs. Find some hobbies that will take up weekends, and then your DW can go visit her parents as much as she wants, and you get an extra 5 hours (her driving to and from) to yourself on those weekends.

And for everyone's sake, do NOT have kids until you've worked this out to a level where you are comfortable with how you guys are dealing with her parents. Your DW probably needs to be in regular therapy to learn how to handle them.

Good luck!

You can accept their apology and forgive them, but they will likely be back to their same old behaviors. Dunno what your wife thinks is "normal".

I would tell your wife you are not willing to spend that much time with your in-laws, at all period, regardless of their behavior. 2-3 days every other month should be enough, if she wants more she can go on her own.

Honestly you sound like a drama queen " more time to heal" jfc. You and your in laws don't get a long because you're cut from the same dramatic cloth.

Accept their apology. Move forward. Stick to whatever boundaries you and your wife have created.