I don’t get it, are you worried he will yell at you for asking?Just explain it to him? I am a SAHM too, and my house is also a wreck! But my DH also understands that it is important for my mental health to get a break, regardless of how bad of a housekeeper I am.

Marriage is about give and take. My DH has gone out the last two nights in a row while I was on my own for dinner and bedtime, and actually two nights last week too. I had all 3 kids out of the house for 2.5 hours today and I took a nap! And I am going out both nights this weekend and the following Friday too. We don’t typically plan to two nights out in a row, it just happens that way. I already had plans with some friends Friday when another friend I haven’t in a year decided to come to town, so I am going out with her Saturday. I wouldn’t say he was gleeful about it, but he didn’t give me a hard time either, just like I understood when he had a work happy hour come up for the day after he already had dinner plans with other friends. If he sought out plans for the third night in a row I would be annoyed and probably get a sitter!

So, ‘I appreciate you taking Friday off work so I can spend the day at the spa with Jenny. It turns out that Jacky has an extra ticket to a show I really want to see Saturday. Are you up for kid duty two nights in a row, or should I get a sitter Saturday and you can see if a buddy is free for dinner? I know timing isn’t ideal, but I’d really like to go to the show’

Anonymous wrote:They’re his kids too, regardless of if you’re sahm.
He should man up and grow a pair — clearly there’s something off if you’re feeling apologetic in this category.

I mean it depends. If OP is just relaxing all week while the kids are at school and her husband is at work it does seem pretty rude and unfair for her to also do her own fun stuff without kids and husband on the weekend too. Can’t she do this stuff during the week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Watching the kids so she can go out does seem like a favor. Just like her watching the kids so he can go out would be a favor.

To me "favor" entails doing something for someone that they otherwise would unquestionably be obligated to do for themselves AND that the person doing the favor has no independent responsibility for.

So to me, not a favor. But definitely something worth discussing for the good of the relationship/family.

Maybe I misread this, but OP is a SAHM, and it is unquestionably her responsibility to watch the kids while her husband is at work. Asking him to take off that day or work from home that day or whatever to watch the kids so that she can do something else is a favor. Isn’t it?

Unless he’s taking time off work then it’s not really a favor. You are allowed to do personal stuff too.

I refuse to stand on ceremony with my spouse. I would say “I need you to be here with kids on x, y, and z dates.” And he would.

They’re his kids too, regardless of if you’re sahm.
He should man up and grow a pair — clearly there’s something off if you’re feeling apologetic in this category.

I’d bet money that OP is not the DW in this scenario.

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? DH and I both work outside the home and are exhausted a lot. Too much. We try to help each other out and support each other when we want to do fun things too. If you are a SAHM with kids home all day, that’s also a lot of work.

I would tell him, “I have plans to go *** on Thursday. I know you have been really busy lately. Will you be free that night or should I hire a sitter?”

Quoting myself here. For my own situation, DH and I are both also comfortable telling each other when it’s too much and we need to hold off on planning anything. For example, he’s away for work this week. It’s going to be tough for me, balancing working and the kids but I know his trip is going to be very hard. Neither of us would plan anything social next week because we will both be tired. Even the thought of coordinating with a sitter would be too much for either of us.

Have an open and honest conversation with your husband. It sounds like the real issue here is communication.

This is fine. But definitely ask him if he wants to schedule in some time of his own in the next couple weeks. You should both be spelling each other.

I wouldn't have a problem asking (telling, really) my husband and he would cheerfully accept.

Anonymous wrote:All day watching the kids isn't a "favor."

I don't know a single man who views it that way.

Sure it is when you work all week and have a SAHS. Op you don’t. You do the thing during the week when you are free.

I think there is something fundamentally wrong here — either you are very insecure or your relationship is frayed in some way. Because this should not be a big deal at all to ask. Of course, it is also ok for him to say “I’m exhausted, how about we get a sitter for some of this?”

I guess I'm doing marriage wrong if I'm supposed to be getting time with my bros just for watching the kids for the day. Never occurred to me to consider that a favor rather than a fact of life.

Why are you worried/feeling guilty for asking your husband for something? Something doesn't sound right. Does he get angry if you want to go out? Do you guilt yourself about the quality of your housework vs 'deserving' to go out? Tell him what you want to do and ask if that works with his schedule. And consider working on yourself or your relationship if you struggle to ask for something for yourself.