Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It affects OP and their family. I wouldn't want my kids near someone like that. If they are willing to date a married man that tells me volumes about them.

I assume OP you've told your spouse that info. You should not keep it from them and if they find out it will cause trouble. You both need to know and make sure the kids see FIL when she's not around.

Why would you want to keep the kids away from the new wife but allow them around cheating grandpa? Punish the woman but not the married man who actually broke his vows? That’s pretty twisted.

True. Honestly if that was my dad I'd probably write him off especially knowing what he did to my mother. Then moving the W in and marrying her.

Sounds suspicious. How did the MIL die?

Anonymous wrote:It affects OP and their family. I wouldn't want my kids near someone like that. If they are willing to date a married man that tells me volumes about them.

I assume OP you've told your spouse that info. You should not keep it from them and if they find out it will cause trouble. You both need to know and make sure the kids see FIL when she's not around.

Why would you want to keep the kids away from the new wife but allow them around cheating grandpa? Punish the woman but not the married man who actually broke his vows? That’s pretty twisted.

Wait...how did the wife die??? Are we sure he didn't knock her off?

Yes.

Exactly. Are there other siblings? The mil probably told them as well, so yes let your spouse know. She could have told other family members. I remember my niece telling us at thanksgiving how her mom broke up her new stepfathers marriage. And how his kids don't speak to him. These things come out down the road, and OP if you haven't told your DH that could be a lot of trouble.

Op you didn’t say if your husband also knew. Does he?

If you are the sole bearer of the secret, I imagine that would be a hard thing to take to the grave. Not taking into account whether it’s helpful or not but I would probably share that info with my spouse because that is a pretty big secret to keep from my own spouse, especially if it’s about his own father. And it would just weigh heavily on me.

It affects OP and their family. I wouldn't want my kids near someone like that. If they are willing to date a married man that tells me volumes about them.

I assume OP you've told your spouse that info. You should not keep it from them and if they find out it will cause trouble. You both need to know and make sure the kids see FIL when she's not around.

Sorry OP your fil is a total dirt bag. I would tell your spouse and advise fil to update his trust to protect all the assets he and his wife accumulated. How will this affect inheritance? Was he stupid enough to put that loser on the home deed? All these things need to be addressed. Often older men are hoodwinked by these types trying to increase their lifestyle. My bil left his wife of 25 years for one. Turned out she was dead broke with debt. Since he wasn't thinking with his head he didn't think to know her past or current debt. He stupidly married her and ended up in debt as well. With his wife they had a home that was paid off, and were set. Your fil could be a victim of elder abuse which has been on the rise.

I would also do a background check on her to include her finances.

Nobody cares about cheating. Just go live your own life.

I'm with the majority of posters above that I don't think you gain anything by sharing.

Said differently? What would be the value of sharing this information? To make sure your DH knows the truth? (OK, if your DH doesn't know his dad cheated, it's not going to be well received and cause a rift in their relationship. I don't see the upside here.) To let OW (now MIL) know that you know? (OK, that sounds awkward, like MIL will not enjoy being around you and that seems unfortunate for your kids and your DH. again, I don't see an upside.) To hold FIL accountable to his deceased wife's memory? (Hard to see FIL embracing this information. He obviously loves OW if they married. Are you trying to create family drama? What is the plus here?)

Basically I can't see any reason why you would say anything...

MIL had the time when alive to call her DH out and chose not to. MYOB.