Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:55
Subject: Re:Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are her parents the sort of wealthy that could help with home purchase?
OP here. We have the money to buy a home - I just don’t want to spend as much money as she wants to.
This was a good question OP, which you didn't answer. In some marriages, one the other set of parents is involved financially. For some couples this is a welcome source of funds, and for others, a complicated or fraught arrangement.
OP here. We will be be buying the hole ourselves.
Haha! Home or financial hole?
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:53
Subject: Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Homes in this area are expensive. You won’t be able to find homes for under $1 million in most areas.
OP here. I spent most of my life living frugal to share for big investments like a house, wedding, and kids. I was raised middle class. My parents lived below their means, and taught my brother and I the importance of saving money and living within your means. I love comfortably but I save 90% of what I make.
We are looking in Arlington, Alexandria, Falls Church, etc., and I know that we will need to spend money to get a house we want. We talked about a 3-4bd house with a nice yard. Now she says we need a 5-6 bd house.
I think you've seen the uncomfortable truth about her, OP. You have different value systems, and it does not portend well.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:50
Subject: Re:Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are her parents the sort of wealthy that could help with home purchase?
OP here. We have the money to buy a home - I just don’t want to spend as much money as she wants to.
This was a good question OP, which you didn't answer. In some marriages, one the other set of parents is involved financially. For some couples this is a welcome source of funds, and for others, a complicated or fraught arrangement.
OP here. We will be be buying the hole ourselves.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:49
Subject: Re:Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Too bad the thread was deleted, I would have shared the story of Engagement Ring girl with you OP. Because that is the exact same scenario.
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/a-dc-lawyer-is-suing-his-former-girlfriend-for-the-return-of-a-100000-engagement-ring-2018-09-25
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/a-dc-lawyer-is-suing-his-former-girlfriend-for-the-return-of-a-100000-engagement-ring-2018-09-25
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:45
Subject: Re:Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
She belongs to the streets. Let her go find a higher bidder.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:45
Subject: Re:Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are her parents the sort of wealthy that could help with home purchase?
OP here. We have the money to buy a home - I just don’t want to spend as much money as she wants to.
This was a good question OP, which you didn't answer. In some marriages, one the other set of parents is involved financially. For some couples this is a welcome source of funds, and for others, a complicated or fraught arrangement.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:43
Subject: Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
She said what you wanted to hear before the ring. Now she is expressing her true expectations of what you alone will provide.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:41
Subject: Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Un-engage from her. Get your ring back. She thinks she's locked you in, so now she can list her demands.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:39
Subject: Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Anonymous wrote:Homes in this area are expensive. You won’t be able to find homes for under $1 million in most areas.
OP here. I spent most of my life living frugal to share for big investments like a house, wedding, and kids. I was raised middle class. My parents lived below their means, and taught my brother and I the importance of saving money and living within your means. I love comfortably but I save 90% of what I make.
We are looking in Arlington, Alexandria, Falls Church, etc., and I know that we will need to spend money to get a house we want. We talked about a 3-4bd house with a nice yard. Now she says we need a 5-6 bd house.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:37
Subject: Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Is she really attractive? If so you'll need to pay up or pass
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:37
Subject: Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You sound cheap. Admit that you can’t afford her and let her find someone who can give her what she wants.
OP here. She’s not mine to “ afford”. She’s not a toy.
She clearly is more materialistic than you thought, though it seems like the signs were there and you just ignored them. In your position, I’d call off the engagement. I would talk to her like PPs have said, but ultimately, it sounds like you do not actually have the same priorities. You will resent feeling like a line of credit. You already do.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:33
Subject: Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Anonymous wrote:You sound cheap. Admit that you can’t afford her and let her find someone who can give her what she wants.
OP here. She’s not mine to “ afford”. She’s not a toy.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:32
Subject: Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Anonymous wrote:Advice on how to navigate this? You sit down with and let her know you would like to have a serious conversation about your relationship. Make sure phones are put away, you both don’t have somewhere to be and you’re able to give it your full attention.
You stay curious and specific.
“I’ve been thinking about some things I’ve heard you say recently and want to talk with you about them because I’m feeling confused. I want to give two examples: The only thing I’ve ever heard you say about getting a house was ____. Then last week, when we were at Larla’s house, I heard you say that you were thinking we would start looking for a house in Chevy Chase. That’s a huge leap from ____.”
Then share your second example.
“I feel like I missed something and want to understand. Have you always felt this and I just didn’t get it, or has there been a shift in your thinking? These are big items and I want to understand you. What’s your thinking about this?”
Then just listen to her. Ultimately you’ll have to decide whether you both align on what you think are big issues. Whatever you do, do not continue with this engagement if you have any doubts.
You have to do this OP. It will be uncomfortable but needs to be done.
Also, make sure your engagement is long. You need to be sure.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:32
Subject: Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
Anonymous wrote:How old are you two? How much is the house? Who is paying for the wedding?
OP here.
- She is 30 and I’m 35.
- I have a budget of up to $1.5m for a home. She wants to spend $2-2.5m on a home.
- We are paying for our wedding with her parents paying for some of it.
Anonymous
03/05/2022 16:32
Subject: Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue
This in only going to get worse once you are married. Just be glad you figured it out before it is too late. I don’t think you two are compatible.