Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 20:29     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m struggling so, so badly with this. I had twins a month ago and my husband and I have worked out a schedule of sorts where I sleep from 9PM-2AM and he sleeps from 2AM to whenever he has to get up for work. His job has him working so that he’s not available to watch the twins until around 7PM and I use that time before I go to sleep to run and take a quick shower or change the laundry, dishes, whatever. So those are the weekdays, but we don’t get to spend much time together on the weekends, either! He’s exhausted so he ends up sleeping in until about 11AM and I need coffee way before then being up at 2AM (having coffee together is our thing), and then we don’t eat any meals together bc we aren’t hungry at the same times with these new wacky schedules. Plus he runs errands etc on Sat and Sun so is out of the house a bunch (doing essential things, but still). Ok so that was probably way too much detail, but what am I missing here? Do other couples just never see each other or even eat a quick meal together when they have babies? That can’t be, right? I miss my husband terribly, so I’m wondering what others might be doing. We don’t have any local family and haven’t hired help (yet). Thoughts or suggestions?


You knew for months that you were having twins. There are classes for multiples, too bad you didn't you and your DH didn't take one. You have two babies now and they take preceence over your husband.


A healthy, nurtured marriage is so important for a child’s well-being, so this is terrible advice.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 19:45     Subject: Re:Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
Anonymous wrote:If you had twins a month ago, anything short of being sure you should divorce is commendable. Don’t worry about it until 6 months at least.


Not the OP, but thanks to this poster. I am about six months postpartum and I still harbor a lot of frustration and bad feelings my husband. I hate it. Having a kid has been exceptionally hard on our otherwise good marriage. I always find it so comforting to know this is not uncommon and very often gets better.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 19:39     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why we need parental leave for all. Minimum 3 months. Sorry, OP, this is the hardest time but it will get easier.


No we don’t. Twins are en entirely different animal. One person taking care of a baby is plenty.


Hi. You suck.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 19:38     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
I married a twin. I asked his mom how she did it. She was a teacher and DH's father worked 2nd shift at IBM so they split the duties evenly. She said she had nothing to compare it to so they just did whatever was necessary.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 18:47     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
Anonymous wrote:I’m struggling so, so badly with this. I had twins a month ago and my husband and I have worked out a schedule of sorts where I sleep from 9PM-2AM and he sleeps from 2AM to whenever he has to get up for work. His job has him working so that he’s not available to watch the twins until around 7PM and I use that time before I go to sleep to run and take a quick shower or change the laundry, dishes, whatever. So those are the weekdays, but we don’t get to spend much time together on the weekends, either! He’s exhausted so he ends up sleeping in until about 11AM and I need coffee way before then being up at 2AM (having coffee together is our thing), and then we don’t eat any meals together bc we aren’t hungry at the same times with these new wacky schedules. Plus he runs errands etc on Sat and Sun so is out of the house a bunch (doing essential things, but still). Ok so that was probably way too much detail, but what am I missing here? Do other couples just never see each other or even eat a quick meal together when they have babies? That can’t be, right? I miss my husband terribly, so I’m wondering what others might be doing. We don’t have any local family and haven’t hired help (yet). Thoughts or suggestions?


You knew for months that you were having twins. There are classes for multiples, too bad you didn't you and your DH didn't take one. You have two babies now and they take preceence over your husband.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 18:30     Subject: Re:Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
Didn’t have twins, but this is normal. To buy yourselves more time I’d try to get things delivered rather than going out for errands.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 16:38     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm a parent of twins and those early days are FOR SURE all hands on deck. I'd suggest doing your very best to dial back the "necessary" weekend errands/activities and using that time to sit on the couch with your husband and watch tv while hanging out with the babies. Get groceries and supplies delivered and truly put off anything that is nonessential house or life-wise. This time will pass but it will help if you can connect a little bit while baby caretaking.


Thank you so much. I’m going to try my best to do just this.


Good! (I wrote the pp.) Another thing I'd suggest - if at all possible - is to see if you have any friends who might be able to do the runaround errands. I know I would happily make a BBB run or take a pet to the vet for a friend with newborn twins who needed extra hands. This is the time to say yes to those types of offers and to lean on/leverage your network if you are feeling stretched too thin. (I have a friend whose husband decided it was time to repaint the bathroom when they had two-month-old twins. Don't do that. Do whatever you can to avoid the "busyness begets busyness" thing.)
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 16:22     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
I would try to readjust your schedules just a bit. I totally believe in divide and conquer BUT there should be at least some time to spend together. Make one meal a day a priority or a family walk.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 15:06     Subject: Re:Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
I think the 6-10 week mark is the worst - the adrenaline has worn off and all the sleep deprivation has set in. So it’s a hard time. My husband slept in our older daughter’s room for awhile when she was born and I remember crying that I’d never see him again. You’re in survival mode now, but it will get better. (I don’t have twins, but my sister who does seems to be well on the other side and still has a lot of quality time with her husband.)
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 13:44     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
I saw a lot of my husband when DD was a newborn, but I wouldn't necessarily call it the quality time you are hoping for - more just the kind of errands you describe sucking up your weekend, except we were mostly doing it together. You also have twice as many babies as we were juggling at that time.

You are only a month in. It'll get easier. Spring is coming.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 13:22     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
Your in the thick of it OP! I mean your twins are only a month old! It’ll get better eventually but not yet. Hire help if you can afford it. Otherwise you might need to suck it up for a bit 😀
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 13:09     Subject: Re:Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
If you had twins a month ago, anything short of being sure you should divorce is commendable. Don’t worry about it until 6 months at least.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 13:06     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
One thing that helped us was a tip from Gottman Institute that relationships aren’t built on big gestures like dates, but on small things done often, as in several times a day. Here’s an article on it:

https://gulfsidecounseling.com/2020/02/18/small-things-often/

It really helped us get through the early days when we were sleep deprived, stressed out, and feeling disconnected.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 11:24     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t have twins, but no that hasn’t been my life with any of my 3 babies.

Im wondering why your husband is doing so many errands on the weekend. Like what?

Also, beside the point, but I’m curious like PP above why you are running at 1 mo postpartum. That’s objectively bad for your pelvic floor, and on only 5 hrs of sleep, it’s probably really stressing your nervous system too.


OP here. I totally get this question and it varies w/r/t errands. Its mostly grocery shopping but the twins were 4lbs each when they were born and we didn’t have nearly enough preemie stuff, so every week there’s a giant list of preemie-specific things that we need that we are having trouble getting shipped with the supply chain issues. So he’s made like probably 10 runs to buy buy baby 25 miles away in February alone because they’re the only place with the stuff in stock. Plus our car had a flat tire one weekend, our dog had to go to the vet another, we needed to go to Home Depot to get a part for our washing machine which has crapped out from overuse lately. Just those sorts of random things that are adding up. Maybe this part will end and we can get some time back.

Also, sorry I’m sure that I’m not communicating properly from lack of sleep lol, but yes I meant run around to take a shower and do laundry, not that I go for a run and then shower. If only! Ha.


Hmm yea seems like you’ve just had bad luck with the errands - hopefully that calms down soon!
Glad you’re not running, haha!
I think this period will go by fast for you. Before you know it you’ll be able to eat meals together or get a babysitter and go out.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2022 11:06     Subject: Does any new mom get to spend time with her husband?
This is normal.