From the kid perspective, two years. Even with a lot of sibling rivalry issues, I had more fun with my sister than with my brother. We did ballet and swim together as kids, went to the same middle school together, which also meant same middle school band. The three year gap with my brother, on the other hand, meant very little actual overlapping for us. I think we did one summer of swim classes together.

I do, however, agree with the others that it probably matters very little. It also might end up not working out the way you plan because of things outside your control like personality or individual needs of the kids. Do whatever feels right to you.

I think there is absolutely no way to know. Too much depends on the circumstances and the individual personalities of everyone in the family. My kids are <2 years apart and not particularly close but the older also never seemed jealous of the younger. My sister and I are <2 years apart and have always been best friends. I've know kids with good relationships anywhere from <2 to 4+ and also intense sibling rivalry at those ages. The worst rivalry I've seen among my relatives was kids 4 years apart where the older absolutely hated the younger.

Do what works for you and your family. There's no way to know what will be best for the kid(s)-to-be.

Doesn’t matter

I think at the beginning 2 is better than 3. Most not-yet year olds don’t understand what mom being pregnant means. Our friends 2.5 year old was a mess for literally half a year during the period in which she was aware a new baby was coming.

I planned on a a 3 year age gap but due to multiple miscarriages it turned into 5 years. I am so grateful for the family I get to have. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns you just never know what's going to happen

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on many different circumstances - there is no one side fits all and it is obviously a privilege to be able to plan your family the way you want to.
That said, my personal experience is 2 exactly 2 years apart and it’s great. They are a boy and a girl and they have many similar interests and are really close. I had a larger age gap with my sibling and wasn’t able to share as much in common when we were younger.. but again, pros and cons to everything.

I agree. I have a boy and girl exactly two years apart and it’s been great for them. They are just two years apart in school and share most of the same interests and books. My boy will play dolls with his sister and my daughter will play trains with her brother just to have someone to play with! It’s been great for both kids.

3-4 is ideal. I have a 2 year age gap and a 4 year age gap. Way prefer the 4. Less fighting and competition, but still close and play well together.

I think it depends on many different circumstances - there is no one side fits all and it is obviously a privilege to be able to plan your family the way you want to.
That said, my personal experience is 2 exactly 2 years apart and it’s great. They are a boy and a girl and they have many similar interests and are really close. I had a larger age gap with my sibling and wasn’t able to share as much in common when we were younger.. but again, pros and cons to everything.

2 although I once read that 2.5 was best for the kids relationship. I’ve found 2 to be best.

Anonymous wrote:I personally think the best age gap is 4-5 years, and never more than two kids. That way each kid gets to experience being the focus of their parents attention, there is minimal sibling rivalry, they have the benefit of a sibling while also being forced to develop independent social skills, you don’t have to pay for their college tuition simultaneously. Just my two cents.

PP here with a 4.5 year difference and I agree. It’s great! I wouldn’t necessarily aim for this though. Infertility could make this stretch to 6+ years and then some of the sibling connection is lost.

My kids are 5 years apart, mostly so that we could give them individual attention when they were young. My oldest was born with special needs, and it was really important to us that we focus on him.

And now I'm pregnant 11 years after my second. So we'll see how that goes!

3..gives the kid enough room to live their own life and have own friends rather than overlapping.

I personally think the best age gap is 4-5 years, and never more than two kids. That way each kid gets to experience being the focus of their parents attention, there is minimal sibling rivalry, they have the benefit of a sibling while also being forced to develop independent social skills, you don’t have to pay for their college tuition simultaneously. Just my two cents.

Anonymous wrote:Most dcum threads on this focus on which is better and more convenient for the parents (easier to bring kids to similar activities and schools. they can play together, get out of baby years fast) but which is better for the kid? I can’t see any argument in favor of 2 years there- 3 years gives you more one on one time with the first kid and more time for the body to recover and produce a healthy baby between pregnancies.

You can’t cleanly separate what’s better for parents vs. kids, since it’s the parents who raise the kids. If a given spacing reduces stress for parents, that’s generally better for the kids.

My first two are just under two years apart and they generally get along well. The first wasn’t old enough to be jealous when the baby was born, which can happen with larger age gaps. And unless the mom had specific birth trauma (which I know is not uncommon) or other health problems, two years between kids is plenty of time to recover.

Kid 1 to Kid 2 = exactly 2 yrs apart

Kid 2 to Kid 3 = 3 yrs apart

No complaints with any of the age ranges. Play nicely, helpful, and bc they're all still young (and w/n the "same" age range) we can move as 1 unit and still have the same interest.

All girls if that makes a difference.

In a few yrs, no matter the 2 or 3 age difference, I know their interests and abilities start to change and I'll definitely have to be on the lookout for multiple-ages activities as Kid 1 will start to age out of our normal go-to kiddie things.