Anonymous wrote:I just can’t imagine what those eyes look like. Why are they called Asian if there are no Asians involved?

I am white and I have almond eyes and so do my kids. This has nothing to do with Asia - your eyes are either round or almond shaped. “Asian eyes” are what people call hooded eyes.

Anonymous wrote:You just say “mom you don’t have to understand but I’m asking you to not use the word Chinese to describe my family”.

Your intention is to be positive but your impact is negative.

Period. No discussion.

If she does it again you stop and say “mom please do not use the word Chinese to describe my family”

Anonymous wrote:Almond shaped eyes is fine. Chinese eyes is not pc. Shit down the latter but don’t be weird about the former.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what is the big deal here. My DC is half Asian and has beautiful eyes, my mil said I am so glad DC got big almond shaped eyes. Is my mil racist?

No... The issue here is children copying this language of "Chinese eyes." My parents didn't even realize pulling ones eyes to the side is racially insensitive. The thought of my children going up to a kid on the playground and saying they have "Chinese eyes."
My daughter gets comments like this on her hair, and it is painful for her and for me. I am trying to explain to my mom how these kinds of comments are racially insensitive and could cause someone pain, the way we feel pain. I thought my mom could empathize with this. She could not.

I am never going to mention the almond eyes thing to my mom. I won't use that term anymore but won't worry about it with my mom. It is more about the Chinese eyes term that freaks me out.
But from your pp it seems you are uncomfortable even with the term almond shaped eyes

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what is the big deal here. My DC is half Asian and has beautiful eyes, my mil said I am so glad DC got big almond shaped eyes. Is my mil racist?

No... The issue here is children copying this language of "Chinese eyes." My parents didn't even realize pulling ones eyes to the side is racially insensitive. The thought of my children going up to a kid on the playground and saying they have "Chinese eyes."
My daughter gets comments like this on her hair, and it is painful for her and for me. I am trying to explain to my mom how these kinds of comments are racially insensitive and could cause someone pain, the way we feel pain. I thought my mom could empathize with this. She could not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what is the big deal here. My DC is half Asian and has beautiful eyes, my mil said I am so glad DC got big almond shaped eyes. Is my mil racist?

No... The issue here is children copying this language of "Chinese eyes." My parents didn't even realize pulling ones eyes to the side is racially insensitive. The thought of my children going up to a kid on the playground and saying they have "Chinese eyes."
My daughter gets comments like this on her hair, and it is painful for her and for me. I am trying to explain to my mom how these kinds of comments are racially insensitive and could cause someone pain, the way we feel pain. I thought my mom could empathize with this. She could not.

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what is the big deal here. My DC is half Asian and has beautiful eyes, my mil said I am so glad DC got big almond shaped eyes. Is my mil racist?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about I just love her beautiful eyes? Doesn't have to use an ethnicity.

Your mom is racist and wants to be racist, she sees herself as a nice good racist, she's not being negative, she's being complimentary! So you should just accept it.

No. My daughter is not Chinese and just has beautiful eyes, that is all that needs to be said.

OP here. This! "she's not being negative, she's being complimentary! So you should just accept it."
This is basically what she says. "But I'm saying they're beautiful!" I say, "Okay, but look, she has Asian American classmates and I do not want her learning this phrase as a descriptor for any kind of eyes," and I tried to give examples as to how you're stereotyping a certain feature and you could be saying this to someone who's Vietnamese whose parents fought the Chinese, and you're just grouping them all together, not to mention my DH and children are not even Asian!!!! So there's just pointing out their racial differences but not even in an accurate way!!
She's sooo offended I talk to her like that. Oh man.. It's sad. I wish she would care enough to try to empathize and maybe learn.

I see why you find Chinese eyes offensive when it’s not accurate but I’m having trouble understanding the problem with almond shaped eyes. As a black person, I do have trouble when white people twist themselves into pretzels to prove they are not racist by being completely race-neutral and afraid to mention race at all. As if, acknowledging that I’m black is racist because they are “color blind,” so didn’t really notice. It’s not racist to acknowledge that race exists, that people have different features, you know? It’s not an insult; I’m not ashamed of it!

This explains about almond eyes: it's a white man's ecoticism of a characteristic they generalize of a whole race: https://laurenandvanessa.com/how-to-describe-asian-eyes/

In regards to the "colorblind" thing, that's how my parents claim to be. I'll mention although I wasn't planning to, that my husband is a black man. My parents can't even say he's a black man. It's really weird. They think accepting that they are white is separating or dividing us. Instead they just avoid all talk of race and act like racism is not an issue. But then they say things like Chinese eyes and once again say it has nothing to do with race and/or it's just a comment on physical characteristics, but they still cannot accept they might need to be a bit more sensitive...