Anonymous
02/22/2022 23:05
Subject: Cold Feet But I Love Him
This all just means you're overthinking this because your mind is trying to come up with some fictional negative scenario that you need to avoid at all costs. My diagnosis is mild commitment phobia. Just marry the guy already, it will be much easier on the other side.
Anonymous
02/22/2022 17:51
Subject: Cold Feet But I Love Him
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm 29 and I could've written this (although I'm not quite engaged yet) and I'm encouraged people are saying this is normal. I love my S/O and am so excited to build a life with him; but marriage to me also seems like the true start of a 'grown-up' life and its associated challenges (balancing careers, starting a family, affording a home, budgeting/finances)...I sometimes feel nostalgic for my early/mid 20s when it was just me living in the city with my dog with (relatively) no responsibilities.
Also, reading this forum, the majority of folks seem miserable and that alone makes me anxious for marriage.
OP here. I think this is it. I love him and I can’t wait to marry him, but it’s almost kind of sad because I feel like I’m closing a chapter and moving on from being single or dating to being a wife and possibly a mother. I feel like I’m really growing up and I feel a little sad that I will be leaving the single years and my low responsibility time in the past.
Um. You're 32 you have been a grown up for a long ass time now..
Side bar, but this is one reason I don't agree with surprise proposal. Agree to get married and be ready for it then. None of this I'm going to be a real grown up nonsense
OP here. The proposal wasn’t a surprise. I didn’t know the exact time he would propose but I knew it would within these months.
I’m glad you had your life worked out for you and never questioned things. I hope you’re not one of the many women on here whining about how much they hate their husbands and want a divorce.
I have to agree. You are coming across as extremely immature for someone who claims to be 32. You haven't been a kid in a really long time.
A certain level of nerves is normal but they way you are presenting yourself is more prolonged adolescence.
Agree that premarital counseling is a must if for nothing else you and your dance can learn to communicate à adults.
Anonymous
02/22/2022 13:38
Subject: Cold Feet But I Love Him
Oh man, I had those feelings a month after we got engaged. I asked him "should we get married? Is this the right idea?" and he said Yes with SO much confidence. So at least one of us wasn't worried. We've been married ten years.
Anonymous
02/22/2022 13:35
Subject: Cold Feet But I Love Him
Anonymous wrote:My best advice is to do premarital counseling with a good therapist. Make sure you are both on the same page with regard to values, finances, life goals. And before you marry him, make sure you know how he handles major stress.
You can also start with John Gottman’s workshop for couples. He has a few and they are really helpful. We read his book “ The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” and it helped a lot. We are doing his workshop for parenting now since we are expecting our first baby and anticipate a lot of conflict and stress for the first year.
Anonymous
02/22/2022 13:31
Subject: Re:Cold Feet But I Love Him
Anonymous wrote:First, you are in the romantic phase of your relationship. It can be exciting but it doesn't last like this. This is not what a marriage should be based on. I recommend getting pre-marital counseling. You need to make sure you are on the same page with your values and your future plans as husband and wife, occupations, managing finances, how you plan to raise your children, etc. All marriages will have their ups and downs when life gets challenging and you need to be prepared for all that comes with it and how to handle that. I would not still be married if my life wasn't centered around Jesus, as my personal Lord and Savior and read the Bible, which is by far the best guidebook on marriage and life. God is the one that created love and marriage and He is the only one that can guide us through this life successfully.
Not everyone is religious.
Anonymous
02/22/2022 13:16
Subject: Re:Cold Feet But I Love Him
First, you are in the romantic phase of your relationship. It can be exciting but it doesn't last like this. This is not what a marriage should be based on. I recommend getting pre-marital counseling. You need to make sure you are on the same page with your values and your future plans as husband and wife, occupations, managing finances, how you plan to raise your children, etc. All marriages will have their ups and downs when life gets challenging and you need to be prepared for all that comes with it and how to handle that. I would not still be married if my life wasn't centered around Jesus, as my personal Lord and Savior and read the Bible, which is by far the best guidebook on marriage and life. God is the one that created love and marriage and He is the only one that can guide us through this life successfully.
Anonymous
02/22/2022 11:31
Subject: Cold Feet But I Love Him
Anonymous wrote:My best advice is to do premarital counseling with a good therapist. Make sure you are both on the same page with regard to values, finances, life goals. And before you marry him, make sure you know how he handles major stress.
This.
Also, get off DCUM. All you read about here is F’d spouses. Bulk of people aren’t that.
Anonymous
02/22/2022 11:31
Subject: Cold Feet But I Love Him
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm 29 and I could've written this (although I'm not quite engaged yet) and I'm encouraged people are saying this is normal. I love my S/O and am so excited to build a life with him; but marriage to me also seems like the true start of a 'grown-up' life and its associated challenges (balancing careers, starting a family, affording a home, budgeting/finances)...I sometimes feel nostalgic for my early/mid 20s when it was just me living in the city with my dog with (relatively) no responsibilities.
Also, reading this forum, the majority of folks seem miserable and that alone makes me anxious for marriage.
OP here. I think this is it. I love him and I can’t wait to marry him, but it’s almost kind of sad because I feel like I’m closing a chapter and moving on from being single or dating to being a wife and possibly a mother. I feel like I’m really growing up and I feel a little sad that I will be leaving the single years and my low responsibility time in the past.
Um. You're 32 you have been a grown up for a long ass time now..
Side bar, but this is one reason I don't agree with surprise proposal. Agree to get married and be ready for it then. None of this I'm going to be a real grown up nonsense
OP here. The proposal wasn’t a surprise. I didn’t know the exact time he would propose but I knew it would within these months.
I’m glad you had your life worked out for you and never questioned things. I hope you’re not one of the many women on here whining about how much they hate their husbands and want a divorce.
Anonymous
02/22/2022 11:28
Subject: Cold Feet But I Love Him
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm 29 and I could've written this (although I'm not quite engaged yet) and I'm encouraged people are saying this is normal. I love my S/O and am so excited to build a life with him; but marriage to me also seems like the true start of a 'grown-up' life and its associated challenges (balancing careers, starting a family, affording a home, budgeting/finances)...I sometimes feel nostalgic for my early/mid 20s when it was just me living in the city with my dog with (relatively) no responsibilities.
Also, reading this forum, the majority of folks seem miserable and that alone makes me anxious for marriage.
OP here. I think this is it. I love him and I can’t wait to marry him, but it’s almost kind of sad because I feel like I’m closing a chapter and moving on from being single or dating to being a wife and possibly a mother. I feel like I’m really growing up and I feel a little sad that I will be leaving the single years and my low responsibility time in the past.
Um. You're 32 you have been a grown up for a long ass time now..
Side bar, but this is one reason I don't agree with surprise proposal. Agree to get married and be ready for it then. None of this I'm going to be a real grown up nonsense
OP here. Yes I know I’m a grown up and have been for a while. I meant in a way that I will be grown up in the sense I will have real adult responsibilities besides a joke and paying bills like a house, a husband, and kids. I will be responsible for someone other than myself. It’s sometimes hard and sad to close the chapter on my youth and start a new life as a wife and possibly have kids.