Anonymous wrote:Anyone else feel this way? Not looking for answers, just solidarity. I have a 1 and a 5 year old and it’s just unrelenting. We don’t have any family to help and when grandparents come to visit they can’t handle even one kid solo for much more than an hour. We have a nanny during the week but she can barely handle both kids. We have had the same issue with babysitters. Facing down the messy house, laundry, meal planning, shopping, home maintenance, yard work, never ending house projects and piles of crap and art and kids toys and then realizing we get to launch into the work week again come Monday just makes me feel like I’m stuck in this never ending Ground Hog day.

The little one is making it hard for you. Declutter as much as you can and also see if one parent can take the childcare brunt for 1/2 a day with both kids to get a break for tbe other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, especially this time of the year, is is SO hard! When our nanny leaves on Friday, I know I have 35 hours of childcare ahead of me (almost 2 and almost 5 year old) with minimal breaks other than sleep in sight. When they sleep, I try to get all those house tasks done, but it’s exhausting. Structure and outside activities help, but watching almost toddlers is not relaxing or easy. I’m right there with you!

Clean while they are awake. They can help or just follow you around. Start now and it pays dividends later.

Yeah when they are asleep should be your alone time - break time.

The toddler is teething and just got over hand food and mouth and the 5 year old is waking up with nightmares so sure, in theory this is a great idea but my kids don’t sleep. Like I said, not looking for people to solve my problem. Just venting at the relentlessness of modern parenting young kids. Glad
Some people just feel #soblessed but I’m so burned out I’m fried to a crisp.

Suggestions here can’t solve everything but a combination of new strategies and lowered expectations might be possible on a day you’re more open to it.

Intensive parenting that relies on womens labor while the children are blessedly asleep is an unsustainable strategy.

Nope. Love it. We both WOH so weekends is when there is mo rush and we get to hang with the kids and they are pretty chill and even at worst its still ok. They are 6 and 3. We sometimes split and one of us takes the kids for an outing and the other rests or does house stuff and we switch. We get to do playdates outside etc. we do have involved grandparents so dh or i take the kids there for a fun visit. I take my kid skiing or skating or some other activity while dh takes the toddler to see his parents. I take at least one weekend nap while toddler sleeps and dh hangs with the oldest. Our house is not as clean as could be but its enough and we are content.
We also do a lot of chores during the week to leave weekends free. Dh does laundry on weekdays and i shop etc. its only yard work left for weekends and we do it all together.

It does get better as they get older, OP. I know that doesn't help now, but I have been there and hated weekends sometimes (I have a husband who hates doing stuff on the weekends and if we're stuck at home, the kids really get on my nerves). But now that they're older and play together (3 year age gap) and can do things like art videos and bigger projects, it's a lot more tolerable.

--Queue the super-moms who are going to come on here and tell me I'm a terrible parent. It's fine, we know you're perfect, your life is perfect, we see your instagram accounts, blah blah blah, go drink some more wine or essential oils or whatever it is that you do.

“Weekend parenting” meaning, you know, actual parenting rather than handing them off for the bulk of the day to paid strangers.

Have a 2 and 3 year old and I get it.

You can change all this you know. Sounds like you have too much clutter. It’s hard to relax and feel in control in a messy house.

This was our situation prepandemic.

My DH used to bundle up our kids to go to the zoo, museum or aquarium every single Saturday unless someone was sick. He used to carry the baby potty in the back of the minivan, trash bags, food, cooler, blankets, change of clothes, stroller etc. It was an expedition. He was not allowed to come back for at least 6 hours and was under strict instructions to tire them out. My kids grew up with encyclopedic knowledge of all things Smithsonian and tons of photos. They are nostalgic about all the time spent outdoors. Also, DH would get other male friends to do the same with him so there were two or three dads with their broods doing these activities.

I on the other hand would stay home. On Friday, after work, DH and I would get our cars washed, do groceries. give clothes for washing to a laundromat that charged by the pound, give clothes for dry-cleaning. On Saturday, I paid extra for a house cleaner to clean my house under my supervision, I paid a home chef to come and make meals for us and food prep, I had my handyman and my yard guy to take care of stuff in my house. This was pretty much my Saturday. On the way back home from his expedition, DH would pick up the laundry and drycleaning.

We gave kids a bath and dinner, and we all crashed. Sunday was for just chilling. Putting away our folded laundry and dry-cleaning. Putting away costco stuff that mostly remained in the trunk and then somewhat chilling with children. We could afford to entertain because house was clean and food was cooked etc. Our friends were also in the same stage as us so it was not like we had high standards for anything.

I feel this level of support is required for all parents so that they can enjoy being parents. Regardless of if you are SAH or WOH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, especially this time of the year, is is SO hard! When our nanny leaves on Friday, I know I have 35 hours of childcare ahead of me (almost 2 and almost 5 year old) with minimal breaks other than sleep in sight. When they sleep, I try to get all those house tasks done, but it’s exhausting. Structure and outside activities help, but watching almost toddlers is not relaxing or easy. I’m right there with you!

Clean while they are awake. They can help or just follow you around. Start now and it pays dividends later.

Yeah when they are asleep should be your alone time - break time.

The toddler is teething and just got over hand food and mouth and the 5 year old is waking up with nightmares so sure, in theory this is a great idea but my kids don’t sleep. Like I said, not looking for people to solve my problem. Just venting at the relentlessness of modern parenting young kids. Glad
Some people just feel #soblessed but I’m so burned out I’m fried to a crisp.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's up with nobody being able to handle your kids?

Other than that this sounds like most parents' lives. You are kind of in a Groundhog day situation for now.

The toddler is in prime danger age - climbing but doesn’t realize he can fall, putting toys and non food substances stuff in the mouth and eating it, can’t walk down inclines or hills without falling, etc. This age to about potty training just stinks and right now he requires 24-7 attention. I am so tired of the couch climbing/bed climbing/slamming head into corners. And the 5 year old is much more independent but super high energy and needs to have tons of opportunities to run/bike/hike or we deal with bad behavior, jumping on furniture, tantrums, etc. because he’s unaware of his body and needs snacks, meals, water, bathroom breaks, etc. It’s two different ages with a lot of very different needs.

Can you put the toddler in a hiking backpack or a bike seat and get out and do the activities you mention with your 5 year old? I get it, I’m a SAHM to only one kid so far (1.5 year old) and I lose my mind on overly cold, or wet winter days when we can’t get out for a few hours before lunch and nap time. And at least I still get a break during nap time (I’m assuming the 5 year old doesn’t nap anymore).

Anonymous wrote:nope, never even occurred to me, maybe because there were no nannys or family members around to help ever.

just another day.

NP and yeah, I expect if I were a SAHP we'd have a routine and weekends wouldn't be such a shock (to both me and my kid, ha). But I hear you, OP. Same here. Solidarity!!

Yup, same for us. It gets easier, OP. I have a 17 and 13 y/o, and have had weekends mostly to myself for years now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, especially this time of the year, is is SO hard! When our nanny leaves on Friday, I know I have 35 hours of childcare ahead of me (almost 2 and almost 5 year old) with minimal breaks other than sleep in sight. When they sleep, I try to get all those house tasks done, but it’s exhausting. Structure and outside activities help, but watching almost toddlers is not relaxing or easy. I’m right there with you!

Clean while they are awake. They can help or just follow you around. Start now and it pays dividends later.

Yeah when they are asleep should be your alone time - break time.

Yes. Even with DH bring the main parent the weekend is still too much. I sign the kids up for things, arrange activities, and keep them out of the house as much as possible to get through it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a teacher so it’s break. My colleagues and I joked about our relative lack of excitement because we know it’s going to be a working break. But I don’t hate it. I wanted kids and I had 3. If I hated it, there must be something about my expectations that are off.

However, I am able to do my work in a reasonable amount of time. I think many jobs require way too many hours. Teaching can be like that, but I’m very experienced and have it down to a science.

How old are they?

10, 3, 1