Domestic violence.

There are certain shows we watch together and neither of us would watch without the other.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think I’m just bummed that my DH doesn’t desire to only share certain things with me or do things with just me. Makes me feel like I’m not that important.

I this this a you problem, not your husband. You should try to understand why you need him to share things with just you.

Strange question.

I suppose we have the usual things — talks between us, shows we watch, time we spend together on dates or at home after the kids sleep. I’ve never thought of this as private or personal to us but I suppose it is. I mainly just enjoy having time with him. It sounds to me like you need to build your connection, not focus on having something private just for you. That sounds a bit… second grade friendship-y? Like a secret club. Maybe just go with that and start sending him invites to meet you in the treehouse. Have a secret handshake.

I find this question so strange. I have hobbies that my husband is not involved in. Even if he pursued these hobbies, I would still participate in them with other people. He and I each have close friends that are not couples we socialize with.

We share a home and a life. We share our children and the fact that we will still be together long after the kids leave home. We share our past, our memories of time together and our dreams for our future together. I don’t need a special TV show or a special ice cream flavor to tell me he loves me.

What about all the little things? Like my husband knows how much milk to put in my coffee and I know when I come to the table in the morning that my coffee will be there. I buy his favorite foods at the grocery store. He notices my car needs gas and fills it up. I notice his phone is low on batteries and plug it into the charger. It’s the little thoughtful things to me that say “I see you. I see what is important to you.” It’s demonstrating love through small gestures and just doing things without being asked or nagged. So what if he is also thoughtful for his parents and our kids - that doesn’t make me less special.

Disdain

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Health discussions. I'm the only one who truly knows about his health issues.

Comments about our teens. Honest discussions can happen because we are always going to love them and can objectively see the good and bad.

Financial discussions and goals.

Cuddling on the couch, holding hands, other forms of affection outside of intercourse.

I love this! I think one of my biggest issues is we don’t have any private discussions. For example, we’ll be upgrading our home soon and he shares all of the details with his parents and our oldest child. Like, it’s not a secret per se but I don’t feel like they need to know when we’re qualifying and all of the small details.

Why would you keep this information from your own child? Are you serious? Also, seems as though you don't like him being close with his family. If that's the case - tough. It's HIS family. Any spouse who dislikes a person for being close with their family has issues. He's known them his ENTIRE LIFE. How many years has he known you?

I think you missed the point. I originally posted the financial goals comment. My husband is close to his family. Very close. But our financial goals are our own. We don't share that information. I'm happy he is close to his family, but some discussions are not for the wider family to be part of.

OP here. I am in no way upset about him being close to his family. I want him to be, as well as close to friends and whoever else he loves. That isn’t the issue. My problem is internal between the two of us - we have nothing for just us. I’d consider finances, when we’re qualifying for a home, how much, etc., to be personal with just us two. He may not, and that would probably be ok IF we had other things reserved for the two of us. It just feels like everything is for everyone, if that makes sense.

I think you're not giving sex enough credit. I mean, that's really important. Esp. to most men.
I actually can't think of anything that is just "ours." That seems a little contrived, not real connection.

I think that we share most of our private thoughts/worries/future plans with each other and not much with other people. It’s probably unhealthy.

My husband and I have things that we watch together. We don't watch them by ourselves or with other people. We have standing dates on the things that have specific airing dates. But he does talk to other people about those shows, as do I. They are not PRIVATE.

If you don't feel special, you should think about what, specifically, your husband can do to show you that you are special. I would not feel more special if my husband didn't talk about Yellowjackets with his friends. I would also not feel less special if he told his dad that we'd talked to two banks about a mortgage. I can see why maybe you would prefer him not to share those kinds of details with people, but I don't think that talking about them only with you is a demonstration of your value to him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Health discussions. I'm the only one who truly knows about his health issues.

Comments about our teens. Honest discussions can happen because we are always going to love them and can objectively see the good and bad.

Financial discussions and goals.

Cuddling on the couch, holding hands, other forms of affection outside of intercourse.

I love this! I think one of my biggest issues is we don’t have any private discussions. For example, we’ll be upgrading our home soon and he shares all of the details with his parents and our oldest child. Like, it’s not a secret per se but I don’t feel like they need to know when we’re qualifying and all of the small details.

Why would you keep this information from your own child? Are you serious? Also, seems as though you don't like him being close with his family. If that's the case - tough. It's HIS family. Any spouse who dislikes a person for being close with their family has issues. He's known them his ENTIRE LIFE. How many years has he known you?

I think you missed the point. I originally posted the financial goals comment. My husband is close to his family. Very close. But our financial goals are our own. We don't share that information. I'm happy he is close to his family, but some discussions are not for the wider family to be part of.

OP here. I am in no way upset about him being close to his family. I want him to be, as well as close to friends and whoever else he loves. That isn’t the issue. My problem is internal between the two of us - we have nothing for just us. I’d consider finances, when we’re qualifying for a home, how much, etc., to be personal with just us two. He may not, and that would probably be ok IF we had other things reserved for the two of us. It just feels like everything is for everyone, if that makes sense.

Does he not value your opinion on things like finances?

I don't care if my husband talks to his family about that because he knows the final decision tests between the two of us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Health discussions. I'm the only one who truly knows about his health issues.

Comments about our teens. Honest discussions can happen because we are always going to love them and can objectively see the good and bad.

Financial discussions and goals.

Cuddling on the couch, holding hands, other forms of affection outside of intercourse.

I love this! I think one of my biggest issues is we don’t have any private discussions. For example, we’ll be upgrading our home soon and he shares all of the details with his parents and our oldest child. Like, it’s not a secret per se but I don’t feel like they need to know when we’re qualifying and all of the small details.

Why would you keep this information from your own child? Are you serious? Also, seems as though you don't like him being close with his family. If that's the case - tough. It's HIS family. Any spouse who dislikes a person for being close with their family has issues. He's known them his ENTIRE LIFE. How many years has he known you?

I think you missed the point. I originally posted the financial goals comment. My husband is close to his family. Very close. But our financial goals are our own. We don't share that information. I'm happy he is close to his family, but some discussions are not for the wider family to be part of.

OP here. I am in no way upset about him being close to his family. I want him to be, as well as close to friends and whoever else he loves. That isn’t the issue. My problem is internal between the two of us - we have nothing for just us. I’d consider finances, when we’re qualifying for a home, how much, etc., to be personal with just us two. He may not, and that would probably be ok IF we had other things reserved for the two of us. It just feels like everything is for everyone, if that makes sense.

Being his #1. I don’t think he has shared things with me that he hasn’t shared with others, and sometimes he definitely would rather spend time with other people instead of me, but I’m his best friend for sure.

There are certain shows we watch together, we get right of first refusal to go to concerts/movies/events together, there are a couple of fancy bottles of wine we wouldn't open without the other there to share it. Other than that it's physical stuff and long-term shared goals, although we might discuss that with other people it wouldn't be in detail.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Health discussions. I'm the only one who truly knows about his health issues.

Comments about our teens. Honest discussions can happen because we are always going to love them and can objectively see the good and bad.

Financial discussions and goals.

Cuddling on the couch, holding hands, other forms of affection outside of intercourse.

I love this! I think one of my biggest issues is we don’t have any private discussions. For example, we’ll be upgrading our home soon and he shares all of the details with his parents and our oldest child. Like, it’s not a secret per se but I don’t feel like they need to know when we’re qualifying and all of the small details.

Why would you keep this information from your own child? Are you serious? Also, seems as though you don't like him being close with his family. If that's the case - tough. It's HIS family. Any spouse who dislikes a person for being close with their family has issues. He's known them his ENTIRE LIFE. How many years has he known you?

I think you missed the point. I originally posted the financial goals comment. My husband is close to his family. Very close. But our financial goals are our own. We don't share that information. I'm happy he is close to his family, but some discussions are not for the wider family to be part of.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Health discussions. I'm the only one who truly knows about his health issues.

Comments about our teens. Honest discussions can happen because we are always going to love them and can objectively see the good and bad.

Financial discussions and goals.

Cuddling on the couch, holding hands, other forms of affection outside of intercourse.

I love this! I think one of my biggest issues is we don’t have any private discussions. For example, we’ll be upgrading our home soon and he shares all of the details with his parents and our oldest child. Like, it’s not a secret per se but I don’t feel like they need to know when we’re qualifying and all of the small details.

Why would you keep this information from your own child? Are you serious? Also, seems as though you don't like him being close with his family. If that's the case - tough. It's HIS family. Any spouse who dislikes a person for being close with their family has issues. He's known them his ENTIRE LIFE. How many years has he known you?