Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I don’t know anything about this, but I asked my daughter the other day how & why “Emo” kids become depressed (she had said they were), and she told me they start hanging out with other Emo kids who influence them into negative self thinking, they listen to depressing music, they stay in their bedrooms and don’t go outside a lot, they read depressing things on their phones, and don’t exercise. So, I don’t personally know…but just passing this on from an 8th grader’s perspective.

This is hardly unique to emo kids these days. And in my experience, a lot of the kids who retreat in extreme ways were already marginalized by the “cool” kids. It’s not like they’re going to wipe off the black lipstick and become prom queen.

It’s not like the only choices are “Emo” or the mean “cool” kids. Most of the kids float in between

Anonymous wrote:I definitely went goth when I was going through severe depression. I too am all for self expression but it’s a red flag. I’ll post more about it when I get to a computer.

I agree being a red flag. My kid has a friend since Middle School and during COVID she completely change to gothic. They hanged out during summer and she's not the sweet child she once was.

Just this past week the friend had an episode at school and was running and screaming in the hallways. The kids says she's into drugs and dark stuff.

Besides the aesthetics, I would keep an eye on who her friends are and her mental state.

Good luck.

Just start dressing the same way and wearing the same heavy makeup. The aesthetic will instantly lose appeal.

Anonymous wrote:So I don’t know anything about this, but I asked my daughter the other day how & why “Emo” kids become depressed (she had said they were), and she told me they start hanging out with other Emo kids who influence them into negative self thinking, they listen to depressing music, they stay in their bedrooms and don’t go outside a lot, they read depressing things on their phones, and don’t exercise. So, I don’t personally know…but just passing this on from an 8th grader’s perspective.

This is hardly unique to emo kids these days. And in my experience, a lot of the kids who retreat in extreme ways were already marginalized by the “cool” kids. It’s not like they’re going to wipe off the black lipstick and become prom queen.

When my daughter was on suicide watch, I did not care how she dressed, wore her hair, I took her to get piercings on her 16th bd, I cut her hair however she wanted it (I have a knack) I dyed it however she wanted it (although I made her pay for the dye), I did not put ANY extra pressure on her at all. Had her hospitalized more than once for suicide attempts, had her committed onve....Terrible, terrible time. Constant fear and heartbreak and prayer. I watched her like a hawk and let her have complete freedom of expression at the same time. She is now 20, married, has a baby girl, had her own self committed for PPD when her baby was a month old, got better and came home and is now happy and enjoying her baby and her husband and her life. She was watching for PPD because of her history with depression. Let your kid be whoever she wants to be, just make sure she's safe. Good luck, OP.

A lot of the same reasons that others have given

-I had been super lonely in jr high and it was a way to find a close knit peer group
-I wanted my outside to reflect some of my inner angst (and I'd rather have a kid who is externalizing their angst than a kid who is pushing it down and faking it)
-I just really loved the aesthetic from the first time I saw it

I don't think a goth/punk look means the kid is into dangerous or harmful activities. I definitely got up to no good, but no more than the jocks and popular kids in my town-and often less since I was going to alcohol/substance-free shows instead of keggers with the popular kids.

So I don’t know anything about this, but I asked my daughter the other day how & why “Emo” kids become depressed (she had said they were), and she told me they start hanging out with other Emo kids who influence them into negative self thinking, they listen to depressing music, they stay in their bedrooms and don’t go outside a lot, they read depressing things on their phones, and don’t exercise. So, I don’t personally know…but just passing this on from an 8th grader’s perspective.

Anonymous wrote:This official WH photo was supposed to be suppressed and kept classified. Unfortunately, it seems to have been accidentally released to the media at the time.

This was the PM of Spain, his wife, and their 2 daughters (and of course the Obamas)






The “look” has a surprisingly large following in Spain and Latin America; the Spanish film industry churns out many gothic-themed films, and it’s a popular theme in music there.

Was the original intent for suppressing this photo because of the goth fashioning of the PM's daughters? Interesting addition to this thread.

Also, based on the responses here from former goths and punks, you are all a very lovely group of humans. What a refreshing thread with thoughtful, non-judgmental responses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is sort of goth-lite, I would say, and is definitely drawn to dark, macabre things in general, but is otherwise quite cheerful and mentally well-adjusted. For many kids, if not most, it’s really just an aesthetic thing, and/or a completely age-appropriate rebellion against cultural norms, and not a reflection of a dark, twisted soul. These kids tend to be much kinder and gentler than the preppy, popular kids, on the whole.

There are iconic media works, to which these kids are drawn:




[/img]https://alsostreaming.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/output-formatjpgcoraline.jpg[/img]

For sure. And don’t forget Lydia from Beetlejuice.

“My whole life is a darkroom. One big, dark room.”

This official WH photo was supposed to be suppressed and kept classified. Unfortunately, it seems to have been accidentally released to the media at the time.

This was the PM of Spain, his wife, and their 2 daughters (and of course the Obamas)






The “look” has a surprisingly large following in Spain and Latin America; the Spanish film industry churns out many gothic-themed films, and it’s a popular theme in music there.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It was, looking back, an exciting fad that I fell into right around a somewhat difficult transitional period. And who knows what friend groups were missed out on as a result. She can appreciate the music and friendships without dressing in a way that turns off many peers. It's self limiting. See if there's another big change that she might like better and find more fulfilling. And therapy.

This is BS. I was a goth/punk kid who also happened to be a triple varsity athlete, valedictorian of my HS class, president of the French club, 1st chair trumpet and went to a top rated university for engineering. Not all my friends were punks and I had no issues making friends with the “basic” kids.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is sort of goth-lite, I would say, and is definitely drawn to dark, macabre things in general, but is otherwise quite cheerful and mentally well-adjusted. For many kids, if not most, it’s really just an aesthetic thing, and/or a completely age-appropriate rebellion against cultural norms, and not a reflection of a dark, twisted soul. These kids tend to be much kinder and gentler than the preppy, popular kids, on the whole.

There are iconic media works, to which these kids are drawn:




[/img]https://alsostreaming.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/output-formatjpgcoraline.jpg[/img]

Part of my issue was fitting in. My school and town were wealthy and the cool kids had the latest fashions and my parents wouldn’t budge off hand me downs and sears. It was part budget but it was also a moral stance that fashion shouldn’t matter. Well tell that to 12 and 13 year old kids who just want to “fit in.” I wanted to fit in and with the goth crowd it was easy and affordable.

Hardcore goth/punk phase from 6th grade into college. Now I’m just a doc marten wearing suburban mom still going to concerts, but no longer wearing spikes or black lipstick. Definitely listened to some dark music and looked pretty extreme at times. Also was really into Straight Edge punk which meant I didn’t drink or do drugs in HS when many of my peers were.

Here are the rules my parents had:
- No extreme hair colors unless temporary (I think this is different now than in the 90s as colorful hair is more common)
- No facial or body piercings - ears only. Anything on ears was ok, but no stretched earlobes.
- wear goth/punk lite when needed. Like a nice dress with combat boots or all black, but not a punk style for a family wedding or photos. A nod to my style, but tone it down.
- no harnesses, collars or other kink type accessories. I’m not sure I knew what some of the more bondage themed stuff was for and I just thought it looked cool.
- no large spikes or other things that might be dangerous or could cause an issue at school. Stay within the school dress code and save that stuff for weekends.

I did not take nearly enough pictures at the time. Just let your kid be themselves. Maybe they will grow out of it, maybe they won’t. It will be ok.