Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic and does best socially when there's a defined group she can join. Based on that, I'm thinking that Greek life might be really appealing. But she's not at all a partier and does not like loud parties. Are there schools where the Greek scene isn't the frats I knew in college? She's interested in engineering schools.

Hi. At my college, I believe there was a sister in my sorority on the spectrum. These were the days when people were not so open. She was a legacy and got in but I think it was rough for her. It was rough because (although no one directly mean) no one understood why is seemed she didn’t get jokes and was very literal if that makes sense. More serious. I think today it would be easier because when you know someone is on the spectrum you appreciate that their directness is a part of them and what makes them special. I would also not push for a legacy spot and I wouldn’t anyway for a neurotypical child because it is better to find the house where it makes sense. Too many people worry about being in a certain house. Greek life is fun though and there are a lot of great things to do with your sisters. Maybe do some advance work and figure out what are the most appropriate sororities that may have more engineering major members or are involved in things that your daughter likes.

Former sorority girl here and mom to HFA daughter.

Agree that an interest house is a good bet.

If she wants a sorority - My advice is to sit out formal rush and do “COB” - continuous open bidding either after rush or in the “off” semester as a sophomore. Find the nerdy sorority, they will likely have spots. COB is much more relaxed, smaller groups and 1 on 1 conversations. You COB 1 maybe 2 houses. They give you a bid or not. Usually they are pretty nice about COB vs. formal rush which is not so nice. Pledge classes are MUCH smaller so that also makes the new member (pledging) process less overwhelming.

As a mom of a HFA girl, as much as I think sorority helped me to improve my (normal) social skills - I think my daughter would be completely overwhelmed. Sensory issues for sorority events alone would send my DD into a meltdown. All that chanting, lots of flashing lights, music and too many people in a room is just the beginning. Girls, nerdy or not, can be mean. If you don’t have the ability to interpret social nuance, it could be really tough.

That said - if she is prepared, up front about boundaries and finds the right group - preferably at a nerdy smallish engineering school - then it may be the right fit.

Anonymous wrote:FFS most people with ADHD have no problem with social skills and being the life of the endless campus party. Their problem is usually not being able to turn their focus to the drab essentials, like starting and finishing that problem set for calculus (and taking it to class to turn in on time!) and remembering to fill out and submit the interest form for a semester abroad.

You kid has something else going on if they have issues with social situations. Stop blaming the ADHD.

OK, is this person a troll or just bad at reading?

FFS most people with ADHD have no problem with social skills and being the life of the endless campus party. Their problem is usually not being able to turn their focus to the drab essentials, like starting and finishing that problem set for calculus (and taking it to class to turn in on time!) and remembering to fill out and submit the interest form for a semester abroad.

You kid has something else going on if they have issues with social situations. Stop blaming the ADHD.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is a troll - I have a kid that has ADHD and some social issues and I agree he would be great in a fraternity if he could get in and if they weren't going to haze him to death.

Fraternities are great for social immersion in college because there is always something to do, many have regular meetings, parties, do some social service, encourage their members to keep up their grades and also just always have something going on.

It's not the same as a club that meets once a week for an hour and has one end of year pizza party - it's just not.

That said, my other DS is in a business fraternity at his school and that is the best of both worlds - close knit group and stuff to do without being all about the parties.

OP- you need to look at schools were the greek life is low key, maybe don't have houses to live in and the people are nice. Do not do anything in the south where the sorority thing is hyper competitive and extremely highly social.

Unfortunately that is a legit concern (being hazed to death.) It happens every year. It happens to both men and women. It happens at all types of schools and all races. It even happens in other clubs/organizations that aren't Greek--for example several years ago the Florida A&M marching band.

Yale, Rice, Vanderbilt and SMU come to mind.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic and does best socially when there's a defined group she can join. Based on that, I'm thinking that Greek life might be really appealing. But she's not at all a partier and does not like loud parties. Are there schools where the Greek scene isn't the frats I knew in college? She's interested in engineering schools.

Look into schools with residential college system, they provide a great support system and inclusive activities.

I don't think OP is a troll - I have a kid that has ADHD and some social issues and I agree he would be great in a fraternity if he could get in and if they weren't going to haze him to death.

Fraternities are great for social immersion in college because there is always something to do, many have regular meetings, parties, do some social service, encourage their members to keep up their grades and also just always have something going on.

It's not the same as a club that meets once a week for an hour and has one end of year pizza party - it's just not.

That said, my other DS is in a business fraternity at his school and that is the best of both worlds - close knit group and stuff to do without being all about the parties.

OP- you need to look at schools were the greek life is low key, maybe don't have houses to live in and the people are nice. Do not do anything in the south where the sorority thing is hyper competitive and extremely highly social.

Anonymous wrote:Is OP the most clueless person ever or a troll???????

Yeah PP I unfortunately suspect the same thing. Op I hope you are not a troll, because that is not cool.

Is OP the most clueless person ever or a troll???????

Just throwing it out there that she might enjoy a sorority if the right one was an option - one with low key and accepting girls. My house was pretty atypical in appealing to non-sorority type girls including a lot of engineering students, ROTC, and IRMs. It was a diverse and fun house and pretty much anyone sweet and fun was accepted. If there is an informal rush option I would definitely advise it as the regular rush is overwhelming. It’s a lot to take in but I didn’t find it emotionally abusive.

FWIW, my daughter (who does not have autism but has a fair amount of social anxiety) had as her number one college criteria that Greek life not dominate social life. As she put it, why would she want to go to a place where formalized, exclusionary clubs were baked into the social scene? Sororities literally vote on whether you get to join their clique..it's middle school on steroids.

The great thing about college now is that there are so many clubs for every possible interest...I'd definitely focus on looking into those.

I am fifty so take with a big pinch of salt but sorority rush was low key at my college (a small LAC which is perfectly respectable but not held in high esteem on dcum), and some sororities were full of stereotypical party girls but several were not like mine. Also there was no residential component which limited the cliquish attitudes Greek life often engenders. Another factor is that no rush could occur until sophomore year, so again it limited the cliquish vibe because you already had people you were friendly with who probably didn’t join the same or any sorority. So perhaps look for colleges with similar style Greek life.

It depends on the school and the individual chapters.
Formal rush can be difficult for even the most outgoing social girls but most schools have an informal rush which is a bit easier to navigate.

I follow this awesome girl on TikTok who has autism and seems to like being in her sorority

https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdkGkpcE/