In theory, having a nanny is fantastic and makes your life much easier. In practice it can be extremely difficult to find a good nanny. Every person I know with a nannies has to deal with at least one incompetent one before finding a decent one. And you usually have to compromise on many things that are important to you. The biggest issue is just general laziness. Playing on a phone is much more appealing than entertaining your kid, and with zero oversight, that’s often what happens. Babies propped in front of TVs or left ignored in cribs are not uncommon. A well regarded daycare is way less risky than a random nanny, but if you can get a personal recommendation for a nanny from someone you know, it’s the best way to find someone.

I get it OP about not liking people in your space. I don’t even like it when the house cleaners come. Yes i am aware this is the most first world thing I could write but here we are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you aren't the only one. I would not use a nanny for an infant or toddler unless I worked at home.

You again. Crazy, paranoid lady.

And OP does work from home, idiot.

I have no idea what you are talking about, but name calling is an ugly look for you.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the thoughtful posts! Lots to think about. We both work full time, my post may have been unclear. After the baby, both husband and I will be hybrid work - a few days in the office and a few days at home.
As I mentioned, money isn’t a factor but space may be - does everyone who had/votes for a nanny have a large house with a playroom, basement, etc.? We live in a 1300sf row house in the city. We have one full bathroom. Won’t we be on top of each other, even if the nanny is amazing?

We live in a three bedroom condo - very small - and it still works. DH is in our bedroom and I’m on the converted sun porch. I have very good concentration though.

I love having a nanny, and I work from home. However, I work on the third floor of my house, which is totally enclosed and has a full bathroom. So I can totally disappear if I want to, and it’s like working in an office. I wouldn’t like it as much if I didn’t have such a good space set up. It would be a lot harder even if I just used one of the second floor room as as my office.

In our home, the home offices are on the top floor of the house. Two offices, two bathrooms, one playroom. The nanny is mostly off at the park or zoo or wherever when out, and when at home, in the kitchen feeding the baby, in the baby's room putting them down for a nap/changing diaper, or in the playroom.

My office door is closed because my spouse is across the hall in their office.

OP here. Thanks for all the thoughtful posts! Lots to think about. We both work full time, my post may have been unclear. After the baby, both husband and I will be hybrid work - a few days in the office and a few days at home.
As I mentioned, money isn’t a factor but space may be - does everyone who had/votes for a nanny have a large house with a playroom, basement, etc.? We live in a 1300sf row house in the city. We have one full bathroom. Won’t we be on top of each other, even if the nanny is amazing?

OP, I’m with you. I chose daycare for my kids because I don’t want a nanny in my space all day. I assume most nannies are good with kids, professional, etc and it’s a great solution for many families but it’s not for me. Just go with what works for you.

Here are the things I never had to do while WFH with a great nanny:

- pump
- do baby laundry
- make homemade purées or ever use premise
- go through baby’s closet and drawers for off sized clothing
- disinfect a toy
- sleep train (nanny had a no cry approach that had my kids STTN at six months)
- miss a first step, first word, or first roll over
- miss one day of work because the baby was sick
- haul the baby out to the car on cold mornings

Seriously, OP, with a good nanny there is no downside. You’ll get used to them in the house. And it was just better for my kids because nanny keeps them engaged and learning as well as outside and socializing. And now that oldest is in preschool, nanny handles his holidays and sick days as well as all his chores.

Anonymous wrote:Do what is right for you and your kid - who cares what anyone else thinks (besides your partner)?

You don't need permission to do what works for you!

Seriously,op! Do what works for you.

Not me! Hiring our nanny was the best decision we ever made! Going on four years now. You and the nanny work out schedules that work for your job and it’s done! Nanny takes care of everything.

PP with the wonderful Mary Poppins nanny: Nanny also picks my oldest up from school and is available for drop off if I need it as well as the countless school vacations and sick days.

Seriously, I know I am gushing, but I can’t tell you how much easier and better it is with a nanny!!!

Three kids and never did a nanny. I didn’t want to manage an employee, phone use is more rampant than parents like to admit, and I didn’t want someone in my space (especially because I WAH a lot pre Covid).

Daycare was better for us. No regrets.

No, you aren't the only one. I would not use a nanny for an infant or toddler unless I worked at home.

Nope, this is normal. It's also normal to want a nanny. People have different feelings about their space at home and how easily they can fold another person into their home. I know people with au pairs and I LOVE their au pairs -- great women, great with the kids, seems like a terrific arrangement. NOT for me. I just really love our family dynamic with just DH and the kids and I and I don't want another person there, even a great and helpful person with a great personality who understood boundaries. I want it to be just us.

For us, a nanny share hosted by another family or a small home daycare is perfect. Or a SAHP, which I actually did for a bit after our first was born because I was between jobs anyway. Anything that allows our home situation to be private while also allowing great care for the kids. I get the appeal of a nanny, it just isn't for me.