Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 14:59     Subject: 14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Anonymous wrote:My 14 YO son (freshmen in high school) came home from school today and ran up to his room, crying. His older brother has no idea what happened. He won't talk to either me or his father.

He's a sensitive soul so it's not unheard of for him to get upset, but I feel different about this one. Advice on how to get him to open up to one of us?


Heartbreak? My son is also a sensitive soul and a girl broke his hear over and over. I felt so hopeless.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 10:37     Subject: Re:14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice and sympathy! Gave him some space, served dinner a little later so he could have some additional space, bought his favorite dessert. He melted into my arms in a long hug and has pepped up. Didn’t share the specifics but hope he feels loved.


This sounds like a win.


+1 I’m glad your son had you to be there without question.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 10:19     Subject: Re:14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to be a teen! I’d give him space but maybe text and say you love him and sorry he had a hard day, tel him you’re around and you for talking if he wants to later. If he doesn’t want to get into specifics just give him some teen acceptable tlc (for my teen that would be chipotle for dinner and letting him pick a movie.)


+1

Space and treats.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 09:54     Subject: Re:14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice and sympathy! Gave him some space, served dinner a little later so he could have some additional space, bought his favorite dessert. He melted into my arms in a long hug and has pepped up. Didn’t share the specifics but hope he feels loved.


OP, warmed my heart. Well done.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 09:54     Subject: 14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Anonymous wrote:Happened to us this year too-- a kid knocked my DC out of his chair at lunch and told him he was "useless." DC picked up his stuff and moved, other friends at the table didn't defend him.

It worked out-- friends talked amongst themselves, apologized to DC, made space for him the next day and didn't leave an open chair for the bully, who is now sitting somewhere else.


Wow. Impressive. Tween/teen age and friendships are rough.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 09:17     Subject: 14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Happened to us this year too-- a kid knocked my DC out of his chair at lunch and told him he was "useless." DC picked up his stuff and moved, other friends at the table didn't defend him.

It worked out-- friends talked amongst themselves, apologized to DC, made space for him the next day and didn't leave an open chair for the bully, who is now sitting somewhere else.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 08:53     Subject: Re:14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
aww I hope he's ok. Maybe share with him a time you had a problem that you felt was hard to discuss with anyone. (I feel like that a lot!) Hugs to you both. At least he knows you are there for him if/when he wants to talk about it.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 08:40     Subject: Re:14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Thanks for the advice and sympathy! Gave him some space, served dinner a little later so he could have some additional space, bought his favorite dessert. He melted into my arms in a long hug and has pepped up. Didn’t share the specifics but hope he feels loved.


That is great, OP. Maybe in the future he will feel more open to sharing what the issue was/is. This age is really hard. Friendships etc. can be tough, and there's not as much that parents can do to fix it.

And sometimes it is just a cumulative effect. My son (13) cried recently because he felt so stressed out about the halls at school being incredibly crowded and having to navigate that as a really short kid. It wasn't that the particular incident was so awful, it was the cumulative effect of dealing with it over the year, on top of not having a lunch period with friends (he has an acquaintance to eat with, but still).

oh man, MS was tough for my nerdy, short, late bloomer kid, up until freshman year in HS. He's now 16 and has really blossomed.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 08:37     Subject: Re:14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
OP here. Thanks for the advice and sympathy! Gave him some space, served dinner a little later so he could have some additional space, bought his favorite dessert. He melted into my arms in a long hug and has pepped up. Didn’t share the specifics but hope he feels loved.


That is great, OP. Maybe in the future he will feel more open to sharing what the issue was/is. This age is really hard. Friendships etc. can be tough, and there's not as much that parents can do to fix it.

And sometimes it is just a cumulative effect. My son (13) cried recently because he felt so stressed out about the halls at school being incredibly crowded and having to navigate that as a really short kid. It wasn't that the particular incident was so awful, it was the cumulative effect of dealing with it over the year, on top of not having a lunch period with friends (he has an acquaintance to eat with, but still).
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 08:32     Subject: Re:14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice and sympathy! Gave him some space, served dinner a little later so he could have some additional space, bought his favorite dessert. He melted into my arms in a long hug and has pepped up. Didn’t share the specifics but hope he feels loved.


This sounds like a win.


Yup. Sounds like he really appreciated you being there for him, OP. I hope today is a better day.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 08:13     Subject: 14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Wait a bit, maybe a day, then do something he enjoys doing with you (for me, I take my son out for ice cream - he'll talk about ANYTHING over a giant ice cream cone).
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 08:08     Subject: Re:14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice and sympathy! Gave him some space, served dinner a little later so he could have some additional space, bought his favorite dessert. He melted into my arms in a long hug and has pepped up. Didn’t share the specifics but hope he feels loved.


This sounds like a win.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 08:05     Subject: 14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
I’m so sorry, OP. Hugs to you both.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2022 08:03     Subject: Re:14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice and sympathy! Gave him some space, served dinner a little later so he could have some additional space, bought his favorite dessert. He melted into my arms in a long hug and has pepped up. Didn’t share the specifics but hope he feels loved.


Sounds like you two have a close relationship. And that is the foundation for everything.

Hugs to you and hoping everything works out.
Anonymous
Post 02/03/2022 20:43     Subject: Re:14 YO son came home crying - won't talk to me - help!
OP here. Thanks for the advice and sympathy! Gave him some space, served dinner a little later so he could have some additional space, bought his favorite dessert. He melted into my arms in a long hug and has pepped up. Didn’t share the specifics but hope he feels loved.