Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's mostly the middle-income earners who care about this, because life looks a lot different (better) with a partner making a similar salary than one making peanuts. High earners already make enough to afford a nice life, so they don't really care, and low earners have no room to be picky on that.

That said, assortative mating is real, and the biglaw partner marrying the cute secretary, barista, or hairdresser is the exception and not the norm.

Yeah, the big law partners I know with SAHM wives, none of them started out as SAHMs, they met at Harvard law or wherever then wife quit when kids were small.

Right — Harvard law is the requisite signal

Not the biglaw status of wifes after graduation.

Anonymous wrote:Well, high number of divorce for beautiful and career women tells you it’s not something which keeps men attracted for long. Once married, they want a caring partner for themselves and a good mother for their children.

I agree with you but not all men want to work harder to get promotions and many want to spend time with their kids. So then the question becomes who is going to work for the family?

I don't think the decision works like that. People fall in love for a number of reasons.

Anonymous wrote:My observation of married men around me tells me educated and successful men tend to go for women who’ll eventually make good mothers because most picked educated, smart, decent, well spoken, good looking women from compatible families. Nobody went for just looks, money or career. They did date all types, mostly beautiful ones.

It seems standards are different for random dating, looks are a big currency there.

Exactly

None of those things are explicit about career status.

Anonymous wrote:Man here —

Career doesn’t matter but education does.

The ideal woman attends a t10, majors in a humanities or social science, works for a few years in a self actualizing sector, then shift to part time.

Dutch women have this down to a science.

Check out how Dutch women approach work and life

Married to gorgeous 6'6"+ men with a funny sarcastic sense of humor. That's how they approach it. I've dated some hot Dutch men in my lifetime.

Same goes for women, husband’s looks and career is only good if he is a caring husband and a dedicated father.

If, by his standards, the guy thinks a woman is really good looking, and he thinks she likes him a lot, it's game over.

A woman not having any job at all might be seen as a bit odd, but nearly zero men care about your career.

You have a good one? Great, it's certainly not a minus, but zero men will say or feel "I not really into her, but I have to admit, she does have a good career track!" Not happening.

Anonymous wrote:My DH didn’t want the dynamic of a SAHM being dependent on him and looked for someone who would significantly contribute to household finances. Importantly, he has always been willing to put in the work at home to help make that happen. I have never packed a school lunch or had to keep track of any bills. We both make a lot but I’m on track to surpass him in the next few years and then he wants to retire and be a full time SAHD lol.

+1

My husband was raised by a strong, single mother surrounded by highly educated Aunts. He never wanted a SAHM or a woman who never had a career.

I was raised by parents that taught us to always have our own form of income.

I never 'needed' to work given husband's salary, but I derive a lot of pleasure and value for the career I have which is the reason I got my graduate degree. I'm fortunate it was always flexible with the way I wanted to raise my kids, e.g., WAH.

Man here —

Career doesn’t matter but education does.

The ideal woman attends a t10, majors in a humanities or social science, works for a few years in a self actualizing sector, then shift to part time.

Dutch women have this down to a science.

Check out how Dutch women approach work and life

Well, high number of divorce for beautiful and career women tells you it’s not something which keeps men attracted for long. Once married, they want a caring partner for themselves and a good mother for their children.

Anonymous wrote:This thread would be more interesting if men were answering

They’re too busy working!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's mostly the middle-income earners who care about this, because life looks a lot different (better) with a partner making a similar salary than one making peanuts. High earners already make enough to afford a nice life, so they don't really care, and low earners have no room to be picky on that.

That said, assortative mating is real, and the biglaw partner marrying the cute secretary, barista, or hairdresser is the exception and not the norm.

Yeah, the big law partners I know with SAHM wives, none of them started out as SAHMs, they met at Harvard law or wherever then wife quit when kids were small.

Exactly, but these threads always bring out the outliers, somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who makes seven figures and married the barista who made his latte every AM.

My observation of married men around me tells me educated and successful men tend to go for women who’ll eventually make good mothers because most picked educated, smart, decent, well spoken, good looking women from compatible families. Nobody went for just looks, money or career. They did date all types, mostly beautiful ones.

It seems standards are different for random dating, looks are a big currency there.

I want (and have) an intelligent wife. That correlates strongly but not perfectly with career. Also we met at work, as many do, so it occurred naturally. (This was in the 90s and I know that's less common in today's online dating world, but still happens a lot.) And we're both sufficiently hot but never received any modeling offers.

Anonymous wrote:It's mostly the middle-income earners who care about this, because life looks a lot different (better) with a partner making a similar salary than one making peanuts. High earners already make enough to afford a nice life, so they don't really care, and low earners have no room to be picky on that.

That said, assortative mating is real, and the biglaw partner marrying the cute secretary, barista, or hairdresser is the exception and not the norm.

Yeah, the big law partners I know with SAHM wives, none of them started out as SAHMs, they met at Harvard law or wherever then wife quit when kids were small.