Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 11:33     Subject: Re:Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have boys currently 14 and 17. We have brought them up with the idea that finding a "nice girl," getting married and having kids is the key to real happiness. It needs to be a goal and one that is sadly overlooked by too many today, especially when they are in college/ grad school. There will never be as many opportunities as there are at that time!


Please tell me you aren’t really telling them that they need to get married and have kids to be happy, or that one of the goals of college is to find a wife.


+1

I am all for marriage and fulfilling relationships, but I don't think they are that great when somebody does it because they blindly assume it'll make them happy. I think they work best when you get into a relationship because you find the relationship rewarding and meaningful. Some people do need a partner to be happy, but many don't.

Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 11:29     Subject: Re:Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:I have boys currently 14 and 17. We have brought them up with the idea that finding a "nice girl," getting married and having kids is the key to real happiness. It needs to be a goal and one that is sadly overlooked by too many today, especially when they are in college/ grad school. There will never be as many opportunities as there are at that time!


Please tell me you aren’t really telling them that they need to get married and have kids to be happy, or that one of the goals of college is to find a wife.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 11:25     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:I worry about it a little because I think there is just less dating now, especially with the pandemic, so I think they have less practice being in relationships and I don't know how that will play out but it is what it is.


IMHO this trend of not only dating but must having several relationships as practice is one of the root cause. It’s not that they won’t find good partners, it’s because they’ll loose good ones in pursuit of better ones. I don’t see people who had several, getting significantly better at it.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 11:17     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I see more and more people living alone, some by choice and some because they can’t find good partners. I think it’s fine compared to having a bad partner and a stressful relationship.


It’s fine to be alone by choice when you’re young, and always better than having a bad partner, but having witnessed several sad, if not tragic, cases of family members who never found a partner or had kids grow old all alone, there’s definitely something to say for having a life partner in your older years.


It is difficult to be alone in old age.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 11:10     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.


No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.


He may find a nice bossy girl who likes to organize everything to her own liking, that could work well for both.


My parents had this dynamic. Eventually my mom got tired of having a perpetual teenager in the house and filed for divorce.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 11:05     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
I worry about it a little because I think there is just less dating now, especially with the pandemic, so I think they have less practice being in relationships and I don't know how that will play out but it is what it is.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 11:03     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:I see more and more people living alone, some by choice and some because they can’t find good partners. I think it’s fine compared to having a bad partner and a stressful relationship.


It’s fine to be alone by choice when you’re young, and always better than having a bad partner, but having witnessed several sad, if not tragic, cases of family members who never found a partner or had kids grow old all alone, there’s definitely something to say for having a life partner in your older years.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 10:50     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Well, settling often leads to divorce. Ain’t nobody got time and energy to work on fixing bad relationships.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 10:48     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
I see more and more people living alone, some by choice and some because they can’t find good partners. I think it’s fine compared to having a bad partner and a stressful relationship.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 10:42     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.


No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.


PP you replied to. His ADHD is severe and he can barely manage himself right now However, he is also gifted, and he's the little professor type. He will only appeal to a certain subset of people, this is understood. Both my husband and I have various severities of ADHD and we're also academics, so the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It's true he's more impacted, but then he has access to meds and mental health support, which were not available to his parents at the same age. So we'll see!


I hope he finds someone who likes him with his imperfections and both can make it work for themselves. There are bigger flaws out there, specially character flaws, those are worse.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 10:39     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:Same as PP, my DS is a great kid but has ADHD and I just don’t know if he will be able to maintain a relationship.


Then you need to start training him now for this. And I speak as a parent of an ADHD son who has it myself, as did many of the males in my family.

Start holding him to higher standards for self-care and maintenance, and teach him the importance of building relationships. A pet is a good way to start.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 10:39     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.


No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.


He may find a nice bossy girl who likes to organize everything to her own liking, that could work well for both.


Definitely. And I think the family dynamic did not come out of nowhere. The more my son is self-effaced, the more my daughter rules the roost and manages both herself and him. I had to persuade her to focus on herself.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 10:37     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.


No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.


PP you replied to. His ADHD is severe and he can barely manage himself right now However, he is also gifted, and he's the little professor type. He will only appeal to a certain subset of people, this is understood. Both my husband and I have various severities of ADHD and we're also academics, so the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It's true he's more impacted, but then he has access to meds and mental health support, which were not available to his parents at the same age. So we'll see!
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 10:37     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
No idea, but my daughter will need to find someone willing to live with BOSSY, and my son will need to find someone willing to take over scheduling/organizing/socializing, since he's a daydreaming introvert with ADHD.

I have 10 cousins. Besides me, only one of the ten is married with kids. Another two are married but no kids. The rest are in relationships but not married and no kids. We're all 35-50. It's weird.


No, your son will have to figure out how to hold it together. Women are looking to marry, not adopt grown men.


He may find a nice bossy girl who likes to organize everything to her own liking, that could work well for both.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2022 10:37     Subject: Do you think your kids will find good partners and have happy relationships
One of my kids, yes. He is an optimist, does chores and other work happily, he’s very sweet, and bonus: loves kids. He’s only ten but if since are speculating, I’ll say yes. My daughter…not sure. I would say no except I was like her when I was her age and I have a good relationship with DH. It depends on how much she wants it and is willing to work for it.