Anonymous wrote:Where’s OP? She started this thread last night, feeling insecure and riling up other peoples’ insecurities (regarding the aging process). Many people were kind enough to provide assurance and guidance. Where is OP??

At lunch

Where’s OP? She started this thread last night, feeling insecure and riling up other peoples’ insecurities (regarding the aging process). Many people were kind enough to provide assurance and guidance. Where is OP??

I've been married for 20+ years. My wife looked better 20 years ago then she does now and I would love it if she still had that body. Of course, I also looked better 20 years ago and I wish that I had that body. We are both aging and expecting that either of us will look like we used to is crazy. I love my wife as she is and she loves me as I am. If you are married to someone who doesn't love you and your changing body, no amount of diet and exercise will every help. You are both going to age and other than massive amounts of plastic surgery, there is no way to keep your body from changing.

You need to have an honest discussion with your DH to find out if he is too shallow (and stupid) to still love you with your changing body or not. If he will always lust after the old you, you will have to decide if you want to live with someone who will always wish he was with someone else or not.

Good luck! I hope your DH isn't a shallow, glass bowl!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, these posters are coddling you. He loves you, but yes, he notices.

So? Nobody stays the same! We all get older, if lucky. Women's bodies change . Particularity if you have had children. My dh isn't the same and we all notice. But I wouldn't leave or cheat on him because of that.

That is the difference.

Yeah, but the ideal is that you age at roughly the same pace. She said her husband looks the same while she's aging quickly. Control what you can, and it sounds like she's debating on whether to exert control over what she can improve. It's a good idea.

No that’s not the ideal because it’s not normal. Men often (maybe typically) stay looking “better” longer because of womens’ change in fat distribution and menopause. Yes there are exceptions and yay you but thanks to biology many women and men just have to deal with an attractiveness disparity between the ages of maybe 45-55. And it’s fine. Most of us are not partnered with somebody who embodies all of our ideal attributes.

Personally I want to be one of those women who is confident in who they are and comfortable in their own skin rather than consigning themselves to steady dinners of broccoli and half a chicken breast just so their husband thinks they look hot. IMO those women and the husbands who are proud of them are pathetic.

Women who want to took hot for their husbands are pathetic? Wow. You have some deep-seated self-esteem issues that you are projecting on to other women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, these posters are coddling you. He loves you, but yes, he notices.

So? Nobody stays the same! We all get older, if lucky. Women's bodies change . Particularity if you have had children. My dh isn't the same and we all notice. But I wouldn't leave or cheat on him because of that.

That is the difference.

Yeah, but the ideal is that you age at roughly the same pace. She said her husband looks the same while she's aging quickly. Control what you can, and it sounds like she's debating on whether to exert control over what she can improve. It's a good idea.

No that’s not the ideal because it’s not normal. Men often (maybe typically) stay looking “better” longer because of womens’ change in fat distribution and menopause. Yes there are exceptions and yay you but thanks to biology many women and men just have to deal with an attractiveness disparity between the ages of maybe 45-55. And it’s fine. Most of us are not partnered with somebody who embodies all of our ideal attributes.

Personally I want to be one of those women who is confident in who they are and comfortable in their own skin rather than consigning themselves to steady dinners of broccoli and half a chicken breast just so their husband thinks they look hot. IMO those women and the husbands who are proud of them are pathetic.

I eat a hell of a lot more than broccoli and half a chicken breast and I fit this category. I just enjoy working out.

Live and let live, lady.

Then you aren’t in that category. NP but I read that to mean that women shouldn’t base their entire life on maintaining an unrealistic weight and give up simple pleasures like rice. If you eat healthy but normal and work out, great! That’s different than the disordered eating PP was describing.

I love when women who love working out tell other women who don’t how easy it is to workout. Doing something you love everyday isn’t really hard. Making yourself do something you don’t like everyday is torture.

I’m sure most men would like wives that look like VS models. Only a small fraction of women look like this. The rest of us age and our bodies change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, these posters are coddling you. He loves you, but yes, he notices.

So? Nobody stays the same! We all get older, if lucky. Women's bodies change . Particularity if you have had children. My dh isn't the same and we all notice. But I wouldn't leave or cheat on him because of that.

That is the difference.

Yeah, but the ideal is that you age at roughly the same pace. She said her husband looks the same while she's aging quickly. Control what you can, and it sounds like she's debating on whether to exert control over what she can improve. It's a good idea.

No that’s not the ideal because it’s not normal. Men often (maybe typically) stay looking “better” longer because of womens’ change in fat distribution and menopause. Yes there are exceptions and yay you but thanks to biology many women and men just have to deal with an attractiveness disparity between the ages of maybe 45-55. And it’s fine. Most of us are not partnered with somebody who embodies all of our ideal attributes.

Personally I want to be one of those women who is confident in who they are and comfortable in their own skin rather than consigning themselves to steady dinners of broccoli and half a chicken breast just so their husband thinks they look hot. IMO those women and the husbands who are proud of them are pathetic.

I eat a hell of a lot more than broccoli and half a chicken breast and I fit this category. I just enjoy working out.

Live and let live, lady.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, these posters are coddling you. He loves you, but yes, he notices.

So? Nobody stays the same! We all get older, if lucky. Women's bodies change . Particularity if you have had children. My dh isn't the same and we all notice. But I wouldn't leave or cheat on him because of that.

That is the difference.

Yeah, but the ideal is that you age at roughly the same pace. She said her husband looks the same while she's aging quickly. Control what you can, and it sounds like she's debating on whether to exert control over what she can improve. It's a good idea.

No that’s not the ideal because it’s not normal. Men often (maybe typically) stay looking “better” longer because of womens’ change in fat distribution and menopause. Yes there are exceptions and yay you but thanks to biology many women and men just have to deal with an attractiveness disparity between the ages of maybe 45-55. And it’s fine. Most of us are not partnered with somebody who embodies all of our ideal attributes.

Personally I want to be one of those women who is confident in who they are and comfortable in their own skin rather than consigning themselves to steady dinners of broccoli and half a chicken breast just so their husband thinks they look hot. IMO those women and the husbands who are proud of them are pathetic.

I too saw my weight slowly increase, particularly the pandemic. And I wasn’t happy about it. I realized that my metabolism isn’t what it once was and I haven’y been able to exercise as much as I did previously. I took a few simple, healthy steps than have seen me drop more than 10 lbs in the past year. Vegetables make up a bigger part of my diet. I drink plenty of water each day. And I cut my alcohol consumption in half. Those simple steps have me feeling much healthier and better about myself during this challenging time.

Meh. Be healthy and active and whatever that looks like is what it looks like. Dh used to have muscles like henry cavill and a six pack. He's 45 now and doesnt as much. I think henry cavill is attractive and nice to look at but i want to actually be with DH. He is fun, loving, amazing dad and partner. DH looks at whicheever actresses and thinks similar. We aren't 25 anymore.

Lose the weight. You clearly want to or you would not have posted this. You know you can, you know your failure to do so is negatively impacting your marriage, and you feel you ought to try.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, these posters are coddling you. He loves you, but yes, he notices.

So? Nobody stays the same! We all get older, if lucky. Women's bodies change . Particularity if you have had children. My dh isn't the same and we all notice. But I wouldn't leave or cheat on him because of that.

That is the difference.

Yeah, but the ideal is that you age at roughly the same pace. She said her husband looks the same while she's aging quickly. Control what you can, and it sounds like she's debating on whether to exert control over what she can improve. It's a good idea.

Would you prefer your husband have a six pack or one pack? What about a double chin versus a single chin?

Of course men want woman who look sexy and in shape. Same as women want men who look sexy and are in shape. Yes, a baby changes your body. But, you can get back into close to where you are. If you're 20-30lb overweight on a thin it doesn't look good. Why would your husband give complements.

I'm not trying to be mean. Just being blunt. All men want women with fit bodies, just like how your husband loved you before. But, if you're able to get in shape for your own mental health and physical health. A person is always best when they feel their best.

Anonymous wrote:OP, these posters are coddling you. He loves you, but yes, he notices.

So? Nobody stays the same! We all get older, if lucky. Women's bodies change . Particularity if you have had children. My dh isn't the same and we all notice. But I wouldn't leave or cheat on him because of that.

That is the difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given your history of thinking that physical appearance makes you more lovable or worthy, perhaps you need to see a therapist and talk this through. Taking better care of yourself starts from the inside.

If you do this you’ll probably not depend on emotional satisfaction from food as much and you might find a new equilibrium. But yes, our bodies change after giving birth.

+1000

This.