Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 19:08     Subject: Is there a way to bring up an SO's weight gain without hurting feelings?
No there is not.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 18:46     Subject: Re:Is there a way to bring up an SO's weight gain without hurting feelings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If a personal trainer worked before why not have him do it again? My personal trainer is Tim Sun and he is awesome. I don't think he's taking new clients but he has other trainers that he works with.


Op here. The trainer mainly worked in the past when he was in his 20 s. He was doing some sort of program at the end of 3030 when he had gained and he had good results with that initially but all of 2021 his weight was up and down. I do try and keep healthy food in the house and make healthy meals, but if he wants fast food or snack cakes he's going to buy them no matter what I do. He's a grown man I can't forbid him to eat certain things.

As for the love / attraction conversation. I absolutely love him. He's my guy and I still find him attractive when he's gained but that's more of an emotional attraction. Of course I find him hotter when he's more fit.

I do worry about his health and the future. And sometimes it upsets me that he doesn't seem to care about that, which I realize likely isn't true and not fair. Perhaps pp is right and therapy for me would help.



PP you're citing. I love that you love him, for the record. We're (ok, I'm) considering couples counseling as well. I suspect it might help us sus this dynamic out better between us.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 18:41     Subject: Re:Is there a way to bring up an SO's weight gain without hurting feelings?
Anonymous wrote:If a personal trainer worked before why not have him do it again? My personal trainer is Tim Sun and he is awesome. I don't think he's taking new clients but he has other trainers that he works with.


Op here. The trainer mainly worked in the past when he was in his 20 s. He was doing some sort of program at the end of 3030 when he had gained and he had good results with that initially but all of 2021 his weight was up and down. I do try and keep healthy food in the house and make healthy meals, but if he wants fast food or snack cakes he's going to buy them no matter what I do. He's a grown man I can't forbid him to eat certain things.

As for the love / attraction conversation. I absolutely love him. He's my guy and I still find him attractive when he's gained but that's more of an emotional attraction. Of course I find him hotter when he's more fit.

I do worry about his health and the future. And sometimes it upsets me that he doesn't seem to care about that, which I realize likely isn't true and not fair. Perhaps pp is right and therapy for me would help.

Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 18:37     Subject: Is there a way to bring up an SO's weight gain without hurting feelings?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm married to and in love with a fat guy with health issues...some are the result of being a fat guy, and some are resulting in him being a fat guy. It's not one easy linear issue. He knows. Believe me, he knows. Here's what I'm doing my best to do about it.

I am reminding myself that fat and food shaming him out of frustration and fear will not help. It will hurt.

I am reminding myself that he IS working on it. And he may not "win." It is not a thing to win at. He is doing the best he can to address his health issues.

I am reminding myself that I had damn well better enjoy the present and stay in it instead of dreading what the future brings.

I am talking to MY therapist about the feelings that go with all this. I can't expect my spouse to hold that water. And I am navigating with HER my feelings about possibly siding into more of a caregiving role.



St what point will you address this with him? You aren't married to your therapist.


Very good and fair question. Understand that this isn't a new issue in our relationship at this point. I have periodically told him all the stuff one would expect about loving him, wanting him to last, and being afraid of losing him. I encourage healthy decisions and being proactive. I have broached the subject with him of feeling myself pulling away sometimes because I'm afraid of losing him. What I DON'T do anymore, or try not to, is freak out on him if he eats fast food for breakfast or stashes bags of candy in the car for road trips. I don't have a crying jag at him because he's fat and the scale fluctuated the wrong way.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 18:33     Subject: Is there a way to bring up an SO's weight gain without hurting feelings?
Who does the cooking?
Do you all eat together every night?

I recommend for dinners together the following:

protein, starch (1/2 baked potato, 1/2 cup rice, or 1/2 sweet potato, veggie and a side salad.

This is filling but not laden with calories.

One night a week we have a green salad with a scoop of tuna salad on top.

Keep a bowl of fruit on the kitchen counter.