Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are coming across as a selfish and greedy person from this post. Are you or is this a wrong assumption?

It’s more than I expect reciprocity in relationships. Everyone should have some skin in the game even in parent/kid relationships. It shouldn’t be one person making all the effort and spending their own resources to do so. I find it bizarre they can’t put any effort into coming to us especially because anyone with kids knows it’s not easy to travel with toddlers and young children. If they don’t care and don’t want to that’s fine but maybe we need to prioritize ourselves sometimes too and take our own family vacation with what we would have spent.

Did they spend no money on his care of education when he was growing up? Do they feel welcome visiting your home? If you don’t feel like going every year if expense is too much, may be only your spouse can visit. Either way, expecting them to spend their money as you please if the want you to visit is a bit manipulative.

But it's ok for in-laws to expect OP'S family to spend OP's money as in-laws please?

Anonymous wrote:If dad didn’t raise him, ditched his mother and didn’t pay childcare, it’s strange why your hubs feels this obligation to spend money and time on annual visits and make his wife resentful.

Maybe they were hoping to get on the gravy train but that isn't looking very likely. It's ok to just say no.

If dad didn’t raise him, ditched his mother and didn’t pay childcare, it’s strange why your hubs feels this obligation to spend money and time on annual visits and make his wife resentful.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you visiting inlaws so often your husband didn't even grow up with? What's the point?

+1

OP, where is your DH's mother in all this? Do you see her as a family? Does she live near the FIL and stepMIL?

Why are you visiting inlaws so often your husband didn't even grow up with? What's the point?

My family doesn’t travel to see us anymore, but they fund our plane tickets to see them every other trip we take. I would be annoyed if there was no effort to visit and no effort to contribute financially (as finances don’t seem an issue for your ILs). I would tell them that you can’t afford to see them so often and send DH alone.

This level of entitlement is interesting.

Your issues with you and hubs not being on the same page about the visits, the expenses and your unhappiness are legit and you two should discuss and resolve them. How they choose to spend THEIR money isn’t your concern.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this totally lopsided, DH never got a dime, woe is me story. Sorry. Another troll.

DH has a different mom and grew up LMC. Siblings grew up entirely different situation. His dad never even divorced the mom until he remarried so he wouldn’t be on the line for child support. Siblings grew up UC in multi million dollar mansion and prep school. He grew up in dicey rentals in another state but got a full ride to college and took out a loan for incidentals. His dad is loving but he certainly got the short end of the stick.

So theres's a lot more to the story. Getting a "full ride" means he didn't put himself through college. Who exactly are you visiting Step-mother in law and FIL, or MIL? Kind of some key details left out, no?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are coming across as a selfish and greedy person from this post. Are you or is this a wrong assumption?

NP. She is not coming across that way at all. I would be resentful too and cut out the travel to them. The gifts to the other siblings in particular stings.

NP. I agree. The one-sidedness is rude and inconsiderate, and the monetary gifts to the other siblings but not DH is really hurtful. OP and DH could use money for 529s, or the in-laws could at least foot the bill for OP’s family to travel to the in-laws, or AT LEAST pick up the check when OP and family are visiting. ILs sound selfish. OP, do your kids enjoy their grandparents? Does your DH enjoy them? Does he agree this year maybe you all do something else with your vacation money and vote the ILs to come to you this time?

Well, how other people choose to spend their money isn’t up to you. Your husband is a grown adult and not entitled to freebies. Earn your own and don’t spend on visits which make you resentful. Let him buy his ticket with his money to go if when he wants to.

No it’s not but people generally put their resources (time, money, whatever) towards the people they value so it speaks volumes in that respect. Yes, we definitely earn our own, but I don’t really want to spend our earned money to see them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are coming across as a selfish and greedy person from this post. Are you or is this a wrong assumption?

NP. She is not coming across that way at all. I would be resentful too and cut out the travel to them. The gifts to the other siblings in particular stings.

NP. I agree. The one-sidedness is rude and inconsiderate, and the monetary gifts to the other siblings but not DH is really hurtful. OP and DH could use money for 529s, or the in-laws could at least foot the bill for OP’s family to travel to the in-laws, or AT LEAST pick up the check when OP and family are visiting. ILs sound selfish. OP, do your kids enjoy their grandparents? Does your DH enjoy them? Does he agree this year maybe you all do something else with your vacation money and vote the ILs to come to you this time?

Well, how other people choose to spend their money isn’t up to you. Your husband is a grown adult and not entitled to freebies. Earn your own and don’t spend on visits which make you resentful. Let him buy his ticket with his money to go if when he wants to.

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this totally lopsided, DH never got a dime, woe is me story. Sorry. Another troll.

DH has a different mom and grew up LMC. Siblings grew up entirely different situation. His dad never even divorced the mom until he remarried so he wouldn’t be on the line for child support. Siblings grew up UC in multi million dollar mansion and prep school. He grew up in dicey rentals in another state but got a full ride to college and took out a loan for incidentals. His dad is loving but he certainly got the short end of the stick.

OP, I understand your frustration, as I can count on one hand the number of times my in-laws have been to our house in over 25 years of marriage (this is not an exaggeration). It can feel hurtful, like they don't care to make any effort.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice, just commiseration. My husband would not want to visit them less frequently (in fact, he'd love to go more frequently), but luckily they live a day's drive away, so it's not too expensive. Once plane tickets come into the equation, I know it gets very expensive.

My own parents live farther away, so sometimes we fly if we can find good prices and sometimes we drive (about a 1.5 day drive). Because of the cost and distance, we do visit them somewhat less frequently than my in-laws, but they also come to visit us, and that makes all the difference.

In the end, especially when the kids are young, we didn't have unlimited time or money, so we had to make compromises.

I don't believe this totally lopsided, DH never got a dime, woe is me story. Sorry. Another troll.