In 2022, family structures and lifestyles have changed, cost of living has gone up, two income household isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. To be be brutally honest, not many women have such choices. Not everyone out there is doing meaningful or interesting work, people ate trying to make ends meet or maintain life styles even if they hate their jobs and lives or if personal or family life is suffering. Mental health is in crisis mode for all age groups.

Yes, there are many people like you. Where I live (west coast) being a SAHM is not such an anomaly, and it certainly doesn’t carry a stigma like it does in the DMV. Many of my SAHM friends have picked up part time work/projects or volunteer, but many others have not and enjoy the slower pace of life.

Anonymous wrote:I think its perfectly fine OP. But you are never going to get outside validation of your choice. You are going to have to just make your own peace with it.

I've been home 15 years but I'm young-ish (42.) I'll only be 49 when my youngest leaves for college. I sub at our elementary school but I want to do something more when she leaves. I'm not the kind of person who can just cook and clean and go out to lunch with friends and not have something more. Other people can and that's fine, but it doesn't work for me. I like having a reason to leave the house and feel a purpose. This is not a judgement - I tried only staying home and not working at all once the kids were in FT school and I just didn't like it. The subbing is just enough for me.

This^. Most people would frown upon calling subbing work or staying another 7 years at home even though her kids are past daycare and elementary school age will be seen as another excuse. However, it works for her and her family. Lesson: You do you.

It’s an envy worthy place to be in, to have freedom of choice. Best of luck with whatever decision you make. There are no absolutes in life. Every choice has its pros and cons. Only YOU can decide what works best for you during this phase of life.

I think its perfectly fine OP. But you are never going to get outside validation of your choice. You are going to have to just make your own peace with it.

I've been home 15 years but I'm young-ish (42.) I'll only be 49 when my youngest leaves for college. I sub at our elementary school but I want to do something more when she leaves. I'm not the kind of person who can just cook and clean and go out to lunch with friends and not have something more. Other people can and that's fine, but it doesn't work for me. I like having a reason to leave the house and feel a purpose. This is not a judgement - I tried only staying home and not working at all once the kids were in FT school and I just didn't like it. The subbing is just enough for me.

Do what makes you happy. It’s your life. At this point, likely your earnings are going to be just enough to raise your husband’s tax bracket but most will go to pay services you are doing for the family or your work related expenses because you’ll spend more on car, dressing, lunches, coffee, shoes, make up, bags etc. to play the part.

If buying things, social aspect of going out everyday and people’s appreciation of you joining workforce matters to you then try few things to find something that works for you. If you don’t care to impress people or won’t find anything interesting, forget it. Life is short, can’t waste it on making impressions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Me too … but also look forward to being able to do study or start my own venture when kids are all launched …

PP’s mom sounds so misguided in her use of money and leisure time …

I’m right there with you!

Listen, somebody will always judge or even despise your choices. Your career. Your choice of spouse. How many kids you have. Your jeans. Your hair. Whether or not you use Botox. Everything.

And this can be sad. But it’s also freeing. If you can’t avoid judgment and vitriol for your choices, why try?

Something else that helped me was something my husband said. I said I felt a little insecure about judgment from people who had these awesome careers while I spent my time making our living room look cute. My husband, a big law partner, rolled his eyes and said “what do these people do that they think is soooo important? Are they saving lives as first responders? Getting people off death row? I write emails! So that some company can have a little bit more money! The living room is way more important. The living room is the place where you actually live your life!” (And he walks the walk, he prioritizes family and home life over work.)

I still do have my moments of insecurity, but ultimately I know that we have made the absolute best choice under the circumstances, and that working for money isn’t more important than working for a good life in other ways.

Oh, and I have a post-nuptial agreement. It was DH’s idea. I don’t think we will divorce (especially since we are 15 years in and well past the difficult little kid pet), but it’s great for my peace of mind.

Never say never … keep options open .., once all your kids fly the coop, you may have bandwidth to revisit this …

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

OP, I am sorry you are getting some rude responses and I have reported them. Feminism is about choices. it does not mean every woman has to be a career superstar. You have a job, you just aren't paid. If you are cooking meals, managing the household and you are or have raised children that is a very valuable contribution to society. You do not need to justify your choices to anyone. If someone makes you feel bad about them, that is their own issues and possible jealousy speaking. I love my chosen career and can do it part time which works for our family. If you lose your situation I am happy for you. I don't think you are less than me in any way, just like I don't think the woman who works full time is better or worse. I cheer us all on and hope we all feel fulfilled.

^went bye-bye...I have a cataract so typos slip past me right now!

My job field sent bye-bye with the great recession and I became a SAHM. That was awhile ago. We're early 50s. My husband makes good money, so there was just no need to return to a 9 to 5 at this point in life. I think he likes it this way, tbh. Our kids are teenagers, one off to college soon. It's great to be here when they get home. They are doing very well in school, and are well adjusted young people. Life is very relaxed, healthy, home cooked meals six nights a week, clean house and big yard I maintain myself (house and yard are big, so there's a lot to keep up on but I love gardening, so). I go for long daily walks, and am in shape. I'm well-rested and happy. I'm writing a few books in my spare time. Life is fantastic. Ignore the haters, OP. Live your life and know how lucky you are.

It’s totally fine! Think about how you’ll reframe this when your last kid leaves home - that’s my only suggestion. I’ve seen a couple of friends get depressed because they didn’t plan a transition from a SAHM identity to something else.

OP you are a valuable member of society. Don’t look at your life in terms of a job. If you don’t need the money it doesn’t matter if you have a career. SAHM contribute to the world in lots of unseen ways.