Anonymous wrote:OP - it is Sweet Briar and DD has executive function issues that would be best served there in our opinions. Her other choices are schools that do not have the personal attention, but they are good fits. Part of the issue is we have a very good relationship, but she is still my step daughter, and although we have a good relationship, I am not her mom, and so there is a natural rebellion. She still has a relationship with her mom (who she sees 8 weeks a year).

My parents forced me into a small college of their choosing. I hated it and transferred out sophomore year. They insisted I'd do better at a smaller school with more attention. I thrived at a large school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - it is Sweet Briar and DD has executive function issues that would be best served there in our opinions. Her other choices are schools that do not have the personal attention, but they are good fits. Part of the issue is we have a very good relationship, but she is still my step daughter, and although we have a good relationship, I am not her mom, and so there is a natural rebellion. She still has a relationship with her mom (who she sees 8 weeks a year).

Sweet Briar has very severe financial problems. Why pick a school that has so many problems?

Agree. It would be very strange to assisted someone go to Sweet briar. What are her other options?

Anonymous wrote:OP - it is Sweet Briar and DD has executive function issues that would be best served there in our opinions. Her other choices are schools that do not have the personal attention, but they are good fits. Part of the issue is we have a very good relationship, but she is still my step daughter, and although we have a good relationship, I am not her mom, and so there is a natural rebellion. She still has a relationship with her mom (who she sees 8 weeks a year).

Sweet Briar has very severe financial problems. Why pick a school that has so many problems?

Was conflicted

Not sure the distance and get we are still in COVID times but visit. Or revisit

Game changer for our freshman who conflicted.

I recommend you encourage her to find (or help her find) the accepted student social media for the schools she was accepted to. Usually their is a discord server or something where she can meet other students. That process was very helpful to my daughter. She decided she really didn’t fit so well with the students at a school she was favoring and really found her people at or she didn’t think she wanted. She is a sophomore and is really happy.

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom here. First, I can’t imagine pressuring someone to go to Sweetbriar. It is a very specific school, it is single sex, it is very geographically isolated, and if she absolutely doesn’t want to go there, you should force it.

However, is there a cost issue here? I don’t think you should feel obligated to send her to an $80,000 a year college if you could instead pay $30,000 a year and the choices is equal or better. Where are her parents? They aren’t paying anything at all?

Typo!!
I meant to say you should not force it

Stepmom here. First, I can’t imagine pressuring someone to go to Sweetbriar. It is a very specific school, it is single sex, it is very geographically isolated, and if she absolutely doesn’t want to go there, you should force it.

However, is there a cost issue here? I don’t think you should feel obligated to send her to an $80,000 a year college if you could instead pay $30,000 a year and the choices is equal or better. Where are her parents? They aren’t paying anything at all?

Now is not the time to restrict her. Much too late. She went to the trouble of applying and has done very well. She will live with the consequences. You can share the great aspects of the school you prefer (not in a heavy handed way), but she will likely never forgive her if you deny her schools that you let her apply to. That really is not your place. Not at this stage if the process.

Believe in her.

Anonymous wrote:I have to say that a family member with HFA, ADHD, executive function issues etc. went to a small private school thinking it the small size would lead to more personalized attention. He crashed and burned there, ended up at a state school. The state school was much better equipped to handle things like accommodations and had a very helpful disability services department, because they had way more experience with different types of students. THe small private basically said we don't have the resources.

This is not the issue.

My biological son got into 8 out of the 10 schools he applied. He didn’t make his decision until the deposit deadline. He had a hard time deciding b/t state flagships vs smaller private schools.

If DH and I had any reservations financially or otherwise, we would’ve communicated it during DS’ junior year when he began his search. I am with the other posters, this is not the time to steer. Fit or not, she wouldn’t know until she tries. You just have to be there to support her. These graduates are not kids anymore. They have to step out and make their own decisions. Let this be the first one in many to come.

From one step mom to another, you have to back off. Anything financial should have been communicated up front.

I would lay out my reasons ONCE and they leave the decision to her and bio parents.

I have to say that a family member with HFA, ADHD, executive function issues etc. went to a small private school thinking it the small size would lead to more personalized attention. He crashed and burned there, ended up at a state school. The state school was much better equipped to handle things like accommodations and had a very helpful disability services department, because they had way more experience with different types of students. THe small private basically said we don't have the resources.

Anonymous wrote:DC admitted to 4 schools, 3 good choices, 1 we believe is the superior option by far. I am step mom, but I will be paying for college. Any advice to steer DC to our preferred school? Would it be horrible to refuse to pay unless DC goes to preferred school?

If the tuition was dependent on the choice of school, it would have been much much better to make that clear way before this point.

Back off - give it some time. You are being too anxious/controlling.